May 10, 2007

Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe

From The Rocky Mountain News:

A 21-year old Mesa County man appeared at the courthouse in Grand Junction Tuesday afternoon and walked past a sign saying security personnel will search briefcases, purses and pockets.  he presented himself at the security station and put into a designated tray a marijuana pipe with burnt residue in the bowl.  He was issued a summons for possession of drug paraphernalia.

See?  No good deed goes unpunished.

Either that, or the guy was too stoned to recall that the Lord had lovingly provided him with a squeakhole and opposable thumbs for just such an occasion.



And, of course, dish soap.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:10am
24 comments | Trackback

Comments (24)

  1. Must’ve seen a re-run of Papillon recently.

  2. Further proof that smoking too much weed makes you stupid.

  3. Boy, that guy was a…..oooooo…..look…..a shiny spoon!

  4. ….and soothing anal creams.

  5. If your hole squeaks, Jeff, you might try relaxing a little.  I’m not suggesting adopting a full-blown (no pun intended) “sigh-hole”, since the cost of such is much too high for a heteronormative chap like myself to contemplate.

    Like Norm once said (back when he was the SNL “news” anchor), re. prison (I’m paraphrasing):  “it’s not the bad food or the loss of freedom I fear – it’s the anal rape.”

    And yes, I think that was a complete non-sequitur.

  6. Now don’t think me judgmental on this, but it seems to me if a person has reached a place in his life where he thinks shoving a pipe up his ass is a good idea, then my friend, it may be a good time to stop smoking for a while.

    Pipes are cheap, throw it out and buy a new one on the way home.  Unless of course it’s those expensive glass ones, in which case you definately do not want to be inserting it into your nether regions. 

    Just saying.

  7. And yes, I think that was a complete non-sequitur.

    Ha! You call that a non sequitur? Try this on for size.

    ::Jeff mentions stoner’s lack of imagination::

    Hey, that reminds me of the dark morph of Buteo regalis that I saw perched on a sound wall on I-15 last Tuesday.

    One more entry on the life list!

    TW: Does43 this mean I win a prize?

  8. I’m sorry, but this sucks! Weed and pipe; check.

    No snacks?

    Duuuuuuude…

  9. I’m not suggesting adopting a full-blown (no pun intended) “sigh-hole”, since the cost of such is much too high for a heteronormative chap like myself to contemplate.

    Wouldn’t inserting a pipe up yonder pretty much do away with the squeaking anyway?

    Someone who knows from experience, help me out on this.

  10. And after this inserts said pipe, what happens when he sits down?  Ouch, a glass enema….Also brings a new meaning to the term skunk weed…..

  11. For a squeaky tush-hole, I recommend a rectal exercise first introduced to me on a Scandinavian Air Service flight from Copenhagen to Seattle.

    Sit upright in a chair and place both feet flat on the ground.  Breathe normally.  Then alternatively clench and relax your sphincter 20 times.  The longer you clench, the more taught your sphincter will become.  Repeat.

    Word is this exercise keeps blood from settling in the lower veins of the body, and thus prevents the hemorroids, deep vein thrombosis, and flutey farts caused by relaxed distal sphincters.

    Tighter is right-er.

  12. For a squeaky tush-hole, I recommend a rectal exercise first introduced to me on a Scandinavian Air Service flight from Copenhagen to Seattle.

    Wow – I assume this was demonstrated by a stewardess after they pointed out the emergency exits and how to fasten your seatbelt.

    (Also, I can’t tell you just how much the term “squeek-hole” makes me giggle like a little girl.)

  13. Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe

    . . . as Freud said to Magritte.

  14. Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe

    Sometimes, it’s a real pain in the ass!

    tw: incorrect function71

  15. Reminds me of when I went to boot camp – during the baggage shakedown, 3 ounces of ganja drop out of one recruit’s bag onto the bunk. The DI gives this guy the fish-eye and growls “Well, well, well – lookee here, we got us a REAL dumb motherfucker here!”

  16. I saw that happen in person. A guy walked the metal detector at the Federal courts, back when I worked there, it went off. He emptied his pockets of change. It went off again. He took out his stash and knife and went through again. The US Marshal near by actually laughed before he told him he was under arrest.

  17. Maybe he’d had a bad experience with a bong

  18. Back in my stoner days, smoking pot seemed like perfectly normal behavior and now and then I forgot it was illegal.

  19. Reminds me of when I went to boot camp – during the baggage shakedown, 3 ounces of ganja drop out of one recruit’s bag onto the bunk. The DI gives this guy the fish-eye and growls “Well, well, well – lookee here, we got us a REAL dumb motherfucker here!”

    When I went into Basic, when we first got to the Ft. Knox reception station they offered us a chance to place any and all illegal items we might possess into what the Drill Sergreant called an “amnesty box.” If you had anything that might get you in trouble, now was the time to anonymously get rid of it and nothing would happen to you.

    I always wondered:

    a) What kind of shit did guys place in it?

    b) What did the Drills do with it all?

    My contribution was a couple of airline-sized bottles of vodka and a half-smoked doobie I forgot to pitch back at the MEPS station where I entered the service.

  20. Heck, I prosecuted a guy in 1998 who had wrapped up an ounce or two of lovely cannabis in his bail bond form from a previous incident… Needless to say, ID wasn’t a big problem in that case.  I think the judge sprained something trying to hold the laughter in, when told of the circumstances of the arrest.

  21. I thought for sure someone would have made a joke about “crack pipe” by now.

  22. I think I sprained something laughing at Jeff’s use of the word “squeakhole.”

  23. It is hard to Stop Smoking at all but i tried so hard to quit smoking because of the fear of lung cancer :

  24. My dad have bronchitis due to Smoking, he has a hard time quitting smoking. **

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