Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the recent Keith Richards revelation that he snorted his cremated father’s ashes
Garrett: “I realize it isn’t quite the same thing, but one time up in Canyon City, Jimmy Baio, Jackie Earle Haley, and I were so high from huffing model glue that we actually rummaged through a Quizno’s dumpster for an overtoasted cheese steak , then cut it with a handful of ground-up Sudafed and snorted it. Tasted just like chicken! Or maybe Lauren Tewes’ squeezebox, if you can believe Baio.
“Anyway, to make a long story short, the upshot was, none of us so much as sneezed for well over a month. So let’s not judge Keith too harshly, because it’s possible that snorting your dead Pop might have some kind of kickass medical benefit that science hasn’t yet uncovered. Like curing cancer. Or, you know, acting like heroin—only a special kind of heroin that simultaneously reprimands you for using it and threatens to cut you off financially if you don’t get a fucking job and stop leaving empty Doritos bags all over the basement.”*