Ever lift up a flaking scab and find that smooth, mother-of-pearl patch just beneath? Hard not to think of rebirth and renewal when you see that shiny expanse of healing.
—Which, incidentally, tastes just like chicken.
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July 31, 2006
and now, your moment of Zen
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Comment by Lawman on 7/31 @ 5:17 pm #
Please use these as appropiate:
Eugene Police Department
(541) 682-5111
http://www.ci.eugene.or.us/police/
Oregon State Police
http://egov.oregon.gov/OSP/ http://egov.oregon.gov/OSP/CID/contact_us.shtml
Lane County
Sheriff’s Office
Eugene, Oregon
(541)682-4150
http://www.co.lane.or.us/Sheriff/
Lane County Law Enforcement
http://www.co.lane.or.us/DA/PoliceAgencies.htm
Register-Guard (Eugene newspaper)
Editors
http://www.registerguard.com/rga/index.php/contacts/C15/
KEZI-9 (Eugene TV station)
http://www.kezi.com/register.cfm?id=569
KMTR NewsSource 16 (Eugene TV station)
http://www.kmtr.com/contactus/
Oregon Justice Department
Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force
http://www.doj.state.or.us/oricac/
(**This post recognizes the right of free speech for any citizen to alert the media and law enforcement to possible criminal activity, and the right for citizens to know public contact information about the media and law enforcment agencies)
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 7/31 @ 5:18 pm #
And then there’s that last, one square millimeter of unhealed boo-boo, with scab-roots reaching down to the bone, which bleeds all effin’ afternoon once you stupidly yank it off.
Turing = does, as in Reminds me of the Dems shortsighted cut-and-run proposals in Iraq, that does.
Comment by Pixie Pug on 7/31 @ 5:18 pm #
Scabs taste like chicken?
TW:basis
I don’t want to know the basis for that statement.
Comment by Matt on 7/31 @ 5:19 pm #
mmmmmmmmmmmm….it’s scabalicious!
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 7/31 @ 5:20 pm #
Hello to anyone stopping by.
I hope to be back to regular posting by mid week. In the meantime, please make yourself at home.
Just stay the hell out of my liquor cabinet.
Comment by Nuke 'm Hill on 7/31 @ 5:24 pm #
I dunno, Jeff. Look at the obvious transformative powers that Tequila has on some people. I mean, after all, how often do you get to have an Internet verb named after you? Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish by not sharing?
Only through the healing powers of alcohol will I be freed!!!! Or is that “Frisched”?
Comment by Retired Marine on 7/31 @ 5:28 pm #
Well, I only drink Bourbon for the
buzz, warm feeling, high, dont give a shit feeling,medicinal effects.Do scabs taste like buggers?
Comment by maggie katzen on 7/31 @ 5:28 pm #
damn! doesn’t my(not so generous) donation count for anything!? oh well, i prefer beer anyway.
Comment by Ric Locke on 7/31 @ 5:29 pm #
Does this mean I have to put the tequila back? If so, you’ll have to wait an hour or so.
Regards,
Ric
tw: for the moment I have none available.
Comment by JorgXMcKie on 7/31 @ 5:31 pm #
That’s *boogers* dammit!! Buggers are, well, they’re, unh, ahhhhhhh, didn’t used to be so highly respected.
Comment by McGehee on 7/31 @ 5:31 pm #
I gather that we are free to ransack the sofa cushions.
Comment by Retired Marine on 7/31 @ 5:35 pm #
Bourbon has never been proven to enhance spelling abilities either.
Comment by TODD on 7/31 @ 5:37 pm #
Mmmmmm. Tequila soaked scabs!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Pixie Pug on 7/31 @ 5:43 pm #
Scab removal teaches patience.
Comment by marcus on 7/31 @ 5:45 pm #
That would seem to indicate a relatively quick resolution to all this mess (I hope).
Comment by Pavel on 7/31 @ 5:45 pm #
A wise man once said everything – everything – tastes more or less like chicken.
Comment by Techie on 7/31 @ 5:46 pm #
That’s okay, Jeff. I’m packing my own bottle of Maker’s Mark, so it’ll work out in the end.
TW: too Too much of a good thing is a great thing!
Comment by marcus on 7/31 @ 5:48 pm #
Does anyone else think Jeff’s Zen post is a coded message as to how things are playing out, or is it just me?
TW: analysis. Hmmmm…..
Comment by mojo on 7/31 @ 5:48 pm #
Shhhhh! Be vewy, vewy qwiet!
SB: freedom
ain’t free
Comment by Jay Reding on 7/31 @ 5:49 pm #
Fortunately, you failed to mention anything about raiding the beer fridge… which is good, because I hear there’s a 12-pack of Pacifico which just isn’t going to drink itself…
Comment by Darleen on 7/31 @ 5:53 pm #
Not to worry, Jeff
I brought the jello shots
what all did the rest of you bring?
Comment by DakRoland on 7/31 @ 5:54 pm #
So…if scabs taste like chicken…does that mean that I’m enjoying the wonderful flavor of Scab when I go to KFC? They are both extra crispy, aren’t they? Hmmm…
Comment by jdm on 7/31 @ 5:55 pm #
UUU hv a lkiquor cabinaet}% w Ho noo…
Comment by Garrett O\'Hara on 7/31 @ 6:01 pm #
Hey, I brought Cody and Kiva with me. Anybody for some Korean BBQ?
(Disclaimer: This is not a threat against any living being, whether human or canine.)
Comment by N. O'Brain on 7/31 @ 6:02 pm #
But what does chicken taste like?
Comment by Ditto on 7/31 @ 6:03 pm #
Hi everyone! Im new to posting here, but Ive read alot. Just wanted to say that this thread is great for when you have drank one drink too many..and you know whats next.
Comment by SarahW on 7/31 @ 6:04 pm #
Your liquor is safe from me, however, your oatmeal will probably be rather subdued upon your return.
Comment by Retired Marine on 7/31 @ 6:06 pm #
you have drank one drink too many
What the hell does that mean?
Comment by Pavel on 7/31 @ 6:06 pm #
Everything else, of course. More or less, anyhow.
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 7/31 @ 6:07 pm #
How about that sack of stuff in the very back, which makes me hear talking oatmeal?
Comment by SarahW on 7/31 @ 6:08 pm #
Garrett, Cody’s crossed over the rainbow bridge.
Whether it was over a magical creek of tangy, delicious barbecue sauce, I can’t say.
Comment by mesablue on 7/31 @ 6:11 pm #
Ace and Jeff disappear at the same time—is there something we should know?
Comment by ahem on 7/31 @ 6:13 pm #
Personally, I think healing tastes more like a large, thick chocolate malt topped with 3 inches of genuine whipped cream, but I guess it takes all kinds. And no cherry. Maraschino cherries are just icky.
Until we can break out celebratory Veuve, I’ll settle for a decent California Pinot Noir, several bottles of which I happen to have on hand. Help yourself.
Comment by Tongueboy on 7/31 @ 6:14 pm #
A wise man once said everything – everything – tastes more or less like chicken.
Except Tyson chicken. Which tastes like rubber injected with a 10% solution to maintain—well, I’m not clear on what that liquid is supposed to maintain. Whiteness, perhaps. Tobacco spittle sipped from the bottom of a previously consumed can of Busch Light tastes more like chicken. But without the texture, admittedly.
Comment by Pixie Pug on 7/31 @ 6:20 pm #
If everything tastes like chicken,and chicken tastes like scabs… nevermind, I forgot.
Well, if Jeff is coming back in 3-4 days, that would put him on the menu schedule.
Thursday: tuna melt(down)
Friday: fishfry
Comment by McGehee on 7/31 @ 6:21 pm #
I think it means Ditto is under the impression it is possible to have too much to drink.
Poor guy.
Comment by Ditto on 7/31 @ 6:26 pm #
Wait, wait, wait..Im thinking of scabs and the smell of black licorice..thats all.
And I am not a man. Sorry if that post sounded stupid!
Comment by jdm on 7/31 @ 6:28 pm #
Moo touch dro tink? Izzat poz’ble? You bazt’r’ds. I’m alw’z the lazt to know…
Comment by B Moe on 7/31 @ 6:35 pm #
Poodle puppies.
Comment by Mark Poling on 7/31 @ 6:46 pm #
Poodles! Them’s good eating!
Comment by a red state moron on 7/31 @ 6:49 pm #
If the liquor cabinet is out, any chance I could borrow the armadillo? I’ve this pair of boots in need of repair.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 7/31 @ 6:54 pm #
Then you ought to try the new Poodles ‘N Noodles, The Seoul Treat.
Comment by alppuccino on 7/31 @ 7:00 pm #
You’ve got a closet full of lesbians?
Aaahhsome!
Comment by Kevin B on 7/31 @ 7:06 pm #
Eating scabs can be a Proustian experience for me.
Sometimes I remember the first one I ever ate and how I got it. Then my mind travels back to that moment when I fell off the swing. And to the snotty little bastard who pushed me off it, and what I did to him in revenge. (Or, more probably, what I thought about doing to him, since I was seldom a violent child in practice, only in theory.)
And the wiseman who said everything tastes like chicken probably smoked too much, drank too much rough liquor, and ate too much spicy food. Not that there is anything wrong with that. A sense of taste, (and smell), is overrated.
TW You’ve never lived until you’ve eaten scab.
Comment by Denny Crane on 7/31 @ 7:11 pm #
Hmm…. I think I’ll blend up a nice scab-o-rita for lunch. Got salt?
Comment by Stogie on 7/31 @ 7:14 pm #
You cannibals! You can’t eat people just because they don’t belong to the union.
Comment by Phil Smith on 7/31 @ 7:16 pm #
Jesus, picking scabs is one thing. But eating someone just because they crossed a picket line?
Comment by Phil Smith on 7/31 @ 7:17 pm #
Damn you Stogie. Damn you to hell!!
Comment by Pixie Pug on 7/31 @ 7:25 pm #
Denny,
What goes good with a scaborita? Don’t say chicken.
Comment by Mark Poling on 7/31 @ 7:26 pm #
Besides, Union Members cost more by the pound….
Comment by Carin on 7/31 @ 7:33 pm #
Who’s interested in the liquor cabinet? I’m helping myself to the red pills found in the sofa cushions. But if that armadillo starts humping my leg, I might need a shot of tequila.
Comment by Retired Marine on 7/31 @ 7:49 pm #
Am armodilla is just a opossum on the half shell. A little greasy but not bad if you get to them with in a couple of hours after they were run over.
Just eat around the tire track , Honey.
Comment by Big Cooze Hunter on 7/31 @ 7:52 pm #
Announcer person: “…and goodmorning…Welcome to “Hand Talk – Live”…I’m your host, Mr McGehee Efjt, and today we’re broadcasting from El Pacifico Le Stars Mall in beautiful downtown Burbank….Todays guest is the author of the latest #1 best seller “Sockpuppets for dummies” – teaching your socks to behave… Lets welcome Mr Limewald Sockperson….”
Limewald: Good morning to you Sir…
Efjt: Hmmm…Excuse me…Before we get started did you know one of your eyebrows is stuck on your ear?
Limewald: ….Ummm… well ok…so… people share eyebrows all the time…
Efjt: ….Ok…right… Also If I might ask…. why the banjo?
Limewald: …Oh, its my brothers….he loans it to me….. Look, could we get to my new book, because I have a lot of things I think your listeners would be interested in concerning the four pillars of sockpuppetry and….
Efjt: …Of course….of course…the eyebrow thing just sort of put me off for a moment…. anyway…Besides writing best selling “how-to” books I understand you also have a top law practice where you specialize in multiple personality suits….
Limewald: …Well yes…but actually my newest interest is “hand modeling”, which I’ve been told, I’m pretty good at…
Efjt: ……
Limewald: What?
Efjt: heh….it’s just that screwy eyebrow…really freeks me out…. nevermind… Did you know that you’re a dead ringer for Mr. Glenn Greenwald… the resemblance is uncanny… Well except for the eyebrows and banjo….
Limewald: …Greenwald…Greenwald… Oh…yes… Mr. Greenwald…I understand from what I’ve heard that he’s a very brilliant writer, top flight lawyer, but of course I don’t know him personally. As far as the resemblance, that’s just a coincidence…
Efjt: …You know, come to think of it, you look just like the guy I had on last week… Mr. Wilson if I remember right….and there was another guy….but he had a mustache….but still…
Limewald: …Alright. That’s it. I came on your show to talk about my new book, not to be insulted. Good day to you Sir!.
Efjt: ….Yeh…well…you guys should all get together sometime…. would be interesting…b-bye….good luck with the book…
…Next up the – delightful Ann Coulter to talk about her new book “How to cockslap a Liberal if you must” after this short station break….
TW: ….Guys…Are you tired of being caught out in public without your cock ring kit… yes…I know….can be a real enbarrassment… well Porta-tweezers corporation has really good news….
Comment by Kevin B on 7/31 @ 8:02 pm #
Just to clear up any misunderstanding on anyone’s part, let me be clear.
I would never touch a hair on the head of any of those courageous men and women who would brave the vicious barbs of the lazy, cowardly, commie rabble to keep the wheels of commerce and industry turning.
The strikers are a different matter. (And they do taste like chicken).
TW Whatever happened to Jeff’s liquor cabinet
Comment by Jefe Meg Tech on 7/31 @ 8:08 pm #
I love “Hand Talk Live.” It’s the most brilliant show on television. And that host is just such a damn hunk, I’d almost switch teams to be with him.
Rrrrrowr!
Comment by LoafingOaf on 7/31 @ 8:30 pm #
Jeff, I don’t know if it’ll make you feel better, but you’re not alone in having a crazy person posting signed threats to you online.
LINK
Comment by RC on 7/31 @ 8:34 pm #
Carin,
If the ambulatory road kill gets within 3 feet of you you’ll need a shot of penicillin more than a shot of Tequila.
Comment by Old Dad on 7/31 @ 8:48 pm #
I’m told that boogers taste like venison, only gamier.
Comment by Wind Rider on 7/31 @ 8:48 pm #
liquor cabinet…hmm. Hey, these are all generic dive bar well brands!
Meh.
Buuuut…ya gonna finish that burrito?
TW: be sure to always comment in the first person, y’all!
Comment by Big Cooze Hunter on 7/31 @ 8:48 pm #
Loafing …. does the perp have an eyebrow stuck to his ear, and carry a banjo?
Comment by sesame screeds on 7/31 @ 8:57 pm #
Before our very eyes he morphs into an armchair scabhawk. Begin distancing in 3… 2…
Comment by Chef Mojo on 7/31 @ 9:03 pm #
Thanks folks. I just know tomorrow when I post the specials, there’s gonna be scabcakes on them. With remoulade, no less.
TW: still. As in “I’m still wondering what the hell any of this has to do with chicken?”
Comment by SteveG on 7/31 @ 9:13 pm #
That was a very nice Casa Noble Anejo tequila there Jeff…. I thought I’d drink it as my patriotic duty… you know, send those heathen illegal immigrant bastards back to Mexico by giving ‘em honest work making you more tequila.
Now that I’m shit faced I think I’ll take a page outta deb’s book and go over to her blog and barf all over myself even if I have to stick a finger down my throat.
tw: Blue… blue as in agave and in the view of the sky from where I seem to have fallen
Comment by Farmer Joe on 7/31 @ 9:15 pm #
Even Kathy Berberian knows there one remoulade she can’t sing.
TW: Problems. Not mine.
Comment by gail on 7/31 @ 9:15 pm #
That depends, Marine. Do boogers taste like chicken?
Comment by ShoreMark on 7/31 @ 9:30 pm #
It’s easier to spell than Whisky RM.
Comment by Barack Obama on 7/31 @ 9:53 pm #
Although I’m not running for President, I’d like to thank the Tribune Company for only running presidential looking photos of me.
(…)
Did I mention I wasn’t running for president?
Comment by AMH on 7/31 @ 9:55 pm #
WTF is TW?
Comment by gahrie on 7/31 @ 10:05 pm #
Well I think the Lime flavored Maddog in the fridge is pretty tacky. (But I’m going to drink it anyway)
Comment by Jim in KC on 7/31 @ 10:05 pm #
RTFM PDQ.
I kid. “Turing Word.” It’s the word that appears as a graphic near the comment box that you have to type to prove you’re not a spambot in order to post.
Comment by AMH on 7/31 @ 10:08 pm #
That would explain why I couldn’t figure out where the words were coming from…I thought maybe it was from a previous post or from the blog entry but it didn’t track.
Comment by Pixie Pug on 7/31 @ 10:16 pm #
I propose we name the scab Ellen.
The name just came to me…well…I was reading the comments in donthiredeb.blogspot.com
But the name did come to me.
TW:Anyone
for Ellen on toast?
Comment by Ric Locke on 7/31 @ 10:17 pm #
Rather more than you’d care to know about the TW or “Turing Word”.
Regards,
Ric
TW: I already gave that explanation.
Comment by Darleen on 7/31 @ 10:29 pm #
Let’s add some sweets to the drinking
Chocolate Cupcakes with Chestnut-Fromage Blanc Frosting and Madeira Wine Glaze
mmMMMmmmm
Comment by KarmiCommunist on 7/31 @ 10:33 pm #
RK Cafe has several specials tonight – http://www.billwilliams.org/R/roadkill.html
Comment by BeeCharmer on 7/31 @ 10:35 pm #
All this about scabs and boogers…if you become
a vegetarian, can you still drink? Hmmm…
then again maybe if you drink enough you forget
that everything tastes like chicken which in turn
tastes like scabs and boogers. Hey, what’s left
in that liquor cabinet!
TW: I’m serious.
Comment by Bill D. Cat on 7/31 @ 11:15 pm #
He`s gone for a few days and all you people can do is talk chicken and boogers, for shame.Dammit find the greenies, the qualudes and every other pill shaped thing laying around. Ther`s only a few days left, PARTY TIME! …..hope some one
cleans up tho…
TW:anyone;as in anyone feel free to clean this mess up,after we`re done.
Comment by dicentra on 7/31 @ 11:25 pm #
Rattlesnake.
Duh.
TW: But if you get one in a corner, remember it’s more afraid of you than you are of it.
Comment by lee on 7/31 @ 11:32 pm #
You were “told”.
Ah huh…
By someone you just met that read it in a book, right?
Riiiiggght.
Comment by dipshit on 7/31 @ 11:34 pm #
I was wondering why Dr. Demented uses all that goofy and childish hip-hop phrasing and abbreviations in her posts…the it hit me…they’re typos.
It must be hard avoiding errors when typing with your nose….on account of the straight jacket, and all.
tw:
I hope Dr Demented takes her friends’ advice to heart and gets the help she needs.
Comment by wishbone on 7/31 @ 11:38 pm #
Any Lagavulin the liquor cabinet or do you still just stock that shitty Cutty Sark crap?
Comment by Bill D. Cat on 7/31 @ 11:40 pm #
Lee,
It was bloggers not boogers. If you marinate boogers properly they don`t taste anything like venison.
Comment by Foster Brooks at a MADD rally on 7/31 @ 11:41 pm #
Ric Locke—the good news? It’s tequila. When you give it back, no one will know the difference. Kinda like Budweiser, altho some folks say they can taste less formaldehyde in the ‘after’ version there…
TW there’sas in ‘Waiter, there’s a drink in my fly. Bring me a glass with a wider bottom…’
Comment by McGehee on 7/31 @ 11:52 pm #
She needs a surname.
I dedicate this thread to Ellen Gone.
Comment by lee on 7/31 @ 11:52 pm #
Ooohhh, bloggers!
I ate a blogger once.
Kinda tasted like fish.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 8/1 @ 12:03 am #
Zen update.
Sometimes, compassion brings serenity. But sometimes serenity only comes from acknowledging that compassion is, in certain situations, a sucker’s game.
I’ll take #2 spring rolls, please!
Comment by lee on 8/1 @ 12:18 am #
Sometimes, one must be cruel to be kind.
Comment by lunarpuff on 8/1 @ 12:23 am #
Well, that certainly describes me right now. I was trying to help SWMNBN, not because she deserved help, but because I just cannot walk by a drowning person and not just at least try. Ya’ know? So, I certainly do feel like a sucker now.
JG, I will totally respect your wishes regarding the liquor cabinet. I’ll stick to the wine cellar, no problem. If you could just let the cheese come to room temp, I’ll even clean up afterwards.
Comment by Shawn on 8/1 @ 12:26 am #
Tough love. Tough love.
TW: That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.
Comment by Lydia on 8/1 @ 12:30 am #
The question is: Does Karl Rove’s breakfast burritos contain chicken or scabs?
Comment by jdm on 8/1 @ 12:33 am #
God, you brown-nosing little suck-up… uh, if there’s any good wine, can we share?
Comment by Big Cooze Hunter on 8/1 @ 12:34 am #
There can be no serenity until every Liberal in America says “Bush did one thing right once”, or until the entire Dembulb leadership goes on a group vacation to Tiajauna and gets kidnapped by a mariachi band.
Comment by Bill D. Cat on 8/1 @ 12:40 am #
Like any benevolent despot MR.Goldstein is doing a periodical drive by just to check on his estate. For cry`in out loud, someone do a liquor run, clean up a bit, and replace the drugs we`ve done.
Comment by lunarpuff on 8/1 @ 12:41 am #
G
Of course. I’ll bring some of those little wine glass charms so we don’t get our glasses mixed up (Dear God I HATE that). And I’ll bring my best cheese slicer.
If you could pick up some of those great flatbread crackers from Whole Foods, that would be great.
Comment by Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Trotsky... on 8/1 @ 12:44 am #
Lydia—Rove’s breakfast burritos are MADE by scabs, working for bottom dollar to keep their brothers down, man!
Comment by gahrie on 8/1 @ 12:55 am #
OK folks..I’m heading out for a booze run, and a stop at Tommy’s on Rampart on the way back..who’s chipping in?
Comment by Bill D. Cat on 8/1 @ 12:56 am #
Serenity and compassion seldom belong in the same breath, let alone the same sentence.Who`s got the key to the wine cellar?
Comment by sesame screeds on 8/1 @ 1:01 am #
OK, fine. But this leaves the question
what do chicken scabs taste like?
TW: country, as in is a tall, woody plant in which dwells a singularly unhinged species of troll.
Comment by Rightwingsparkle on 8/1 @ 1:09 am #
Just stay the hell out of my liquor cabinet.
Did you hear that Darleen?? Let’s grab your jello shots and cupcakes and hit the hottub!!
Whoo hoo!
Comment by lunarpuff on 8/1 @ 1:11 am #
What, you couldn’t tell me this 5 years ago?
I don’t have a key to the wine cellar, but usually the basement door is not locked. I think we’ll be ok.
If there is a lock, it’s probably just a combination lock. I hear those can be blown up with minimal damage.
Again, I’ll totally clean up.
Alas, I know nothing about explosives.
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