July 23, 2006

Overheard inside a Beirut bunker, Sunday, July 23

First militant: “Question:  If ‘we’ are all Hizbullah, then why are not all of us crouched down here in earthen bunkers drinking warm water and eating stale pita pieces beside buckets of our own waste, waiting for the IDF to spread us like pistachio paste into their tank treads?”

Second militant:

First militant:

Second militant:

Second militant: “Uh, because Allah works in mysterious ways…?”

First militant: “Yeah?  Well, so do the bigwigs at Comedy Central, who seem absolutely convinced ‘Mind of Mencia’ is funny.”

First militant: “So, I gotta tell you—I’m really starting to think this whole ‘faith’ thing is a sucker’s bet.”

Second militant: “Allah be praised.”

First militant: “Allah be praised.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:54pm
57 comments | Trackback

Comments (57)

  1. One of the news network reporters said that Nasrallah is seen as a cross between the Ayotollah Khomenei and Che Guevara.

  2. Here’s to Nasrallah soon being dead like those two bozos, Toby.

  3. Yeah, “The true revolutionary is guided by great feelings of hatred—of Jews.”

    btw, something’s wrong with the girl’s placard in the “we are all Hezbollah” link: the semi-automatic rifle she drew doesn’t have a banana ammo clip: it looks as much a poor rendering of an M-16 as much as of an AK-47.

  4. Yeah, but you gotta admit, “Ayotollah Guevara” sounds kind of cool.

  5. Commandante Khomeini, Dan.

    BECAUSE OF THE ALLITERATION!

  6. My entrepreneurial spirit is telling me I need to get some Ayatollah Guevara T-shirts out there. Just take the usual image of Che and work the beret into a turban, maybe add some unattractive eyeglasses and —voila!

  7. “Mind of Mencia” is allahed to exist to provide counterpoint to the celestial humor about to be visited upon these hell’s-ebola.  God does love slapstick, especially when Jews hold the stick.

  8. What about Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV?  Now that sounds spiffy!

  9. Whenever I see those thick specs on him, I hope Nasrallah gets in the eye, just like Moe Green.

  10. Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV

    …of Worms.

  11. . . . of Wurms, of course.

    Part of this complete fuckfest!

  12. Speaking of insane political posturing, remember ”Queers for Palestine”? 

    Next up will be Lesbollah.

    Lesbollah: wymyn killin’ wymyn 4 wymyn.

    Lesbollah: putting the she in shi’ite.

  13. What about Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV?

    Incomplete. Should read, “Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Feini Bobeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV.”

  14. “Yeah?  Well, so do the bigwigs at Comedy Central, who seem absolutely convinced ‘Mind of Mencia’ is funny.”

    What’s so mysterious? You lose the black guy, you replace him with a Mexican. Happens all the time. That boy is a nut, too.

  15. Hmmm.  Waiting for any Londonistan Islamists to drop the signs and hurl themselves at a Mirkiva’s treads with the TNT vest on is…uh, futile?  Um, useless?  Er, a fool’s errand?  Ah, whatever ya wanna call it.  I’m off for an ale.  It’s been a long two weeks.

  16. C’mon, McGehee . . . don’t I get partial credit for my answer, or is this like that Krebs Cycle shit?

  17. Due to the postponement of The Beirut Gay Pride Parade, the Hummers for Hizbullah meeting will be rescheduled, as will the Burkhas for Boys cooking classes.

  18. Friday, Sunday??

    Does anybody really know what time it is?

    Does anybody care about time?

    If so, I can’t imagine why.

  19. Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Feini Bobeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV

    still not complete…it should be “Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Feini Bobeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV Rodham Clinton.”

  20. How can you forget “Dear Leader”

  21. Overheard inside an Israeli tank:

    First Israeli:  Are we really God’s Chosen People?

    Second Israeli:

    First Israeli:  Well, there was the slavery in Egypt.

    First Israeli:  And the Captivity in Babylon.

    First Israeli: And the Seleucids.

    First Israeli: And Vespasian.

    First Israeli: And Titus.

    First Israeli: And Hadrian and the Diaspora.

    First Israeli: And the Inquisition.

    First Israeli: And the pogroms.

    First Israeli: And the Holocaust.

    Second Israeli:

    First Israeli: Well, if we’re God’s Chosen People, what does He do to people He doesn’t like?

  22. As I was walking down the street today,

    I asked this dude hey what’s the time that there is on your watch?

    And he said,

    Does anybody really know what time it is?

    Does anybody really care (about time)?

    Though I can’t imagine why . . . we’ve all got time enough to die.

    So I said, “Dumbass, what’s your problem, hey?

    I just asked what the time was that was on the watch you wear, okay?

    Does anybody really say this kind of shit?

    Does anybody really care (what you think)?

    I just asked you for the time,

    You act like that’s a fucking crime.”

  23. nk: Frankly, I’m too drunk to know what to make of that. Should I let it pass or sock you in the nose? I’ll satisfy myself with telling you how I gave a vigorous one-finger salute to the five morons from ANSWER at today’s ralley for Israel in Skokie. It was a drive-by finger–and it felt goooooood.

  24. nk, fact-check “chosen.” It has nothing to do with persecution.

  25. Ahem, go take a running jump at a rolling donut.  Jeremayakovka, I know.  That’s the joke.

  26. Then that joke’s not the sharpest bullet in the ammo clip.

  27. It’s been a long two weeks.

    Major John, are you back from summer camp already?

  28. Well, it’s not worse than Jeff’s.  It’s not my fault.  I’m a serious person.  This site ahs turned me into a rowdy.

  29. Thank you Dan Collins.

  30. This site ahs turned me into a rowdy.

    OK.

    Recently I’ve seen pics of IDF soldiers praying w/ M-16s slung over their talits, in tefillin and combat denim.  Remarkable.

  31. Major John, are you back from summer camp already?

    okay, that made me giggle.  i suppose next year i’ll ask rto if he enjoyed his overseas vacation.

  32. I think Mind of Mencia is the funniest thing on TV.  Humor is largely subjective, though.  Some people hate him.

  33. The “We are all Hizballah” sentiment is not meant to be taken literally.  It’s more of a strongly-worded expression of a dimly-thought worldview.

    In a way, it’s got about the same rhetorical strength as that expressed by those who wish to proclaim their “support our troops” using an easily-removed magnet as their modus of expression.

  34. In a way, it’s got about the same rhetorical strength as that expressed by those who wish to proclaim their “support our troops” using an easily-removed magnet as their modus of expression.

    You’re surely not drawing an equivalency here?  Or is this just a prelude to a departure into General J.C. Christian territory?

    Because that would be highly ill-advised.

  35. I really shouldn’t slap Mencia, having never seen his show, but then, that barmaid who slapped me around last night never saw mine either.  Like you say, Christopher Taylor:  sujective.  The palm of her hand felt very objective at the time, and not very funny either.  Maybe I’ll give Mencia a tryout.

  36. nk,

    Love the joke!  And you don’t want to know!

    I do know that The Potter thumps His pots to find if they ring true or are just duds.  So, if you are one of His pots, expect a thumping on occasion.

  37. I think Mind of Mencia is the funniest thing on TV.

    He’s not even the funniest thing on Comedy Central.  South Park is rollin’ this year.  Still, I enjoy hearing how many times he can say “wetback” in a sentence.

  38. You’re surely not drawing an equivalency here?  Or is this just a prelude to a departure into General J.C. Christian territory?

    Because that would be highly ill-advised.

    I don’t mean to imply equivalency, per se.  But sometimes empty rhetoric is empty rhetoric. 

    And sometimes a magnet is a wussy substitute for a sticker.

  39. And sometimes a magnet is a wussy substitute for a sticker.

    and sometimes you gotta consider the resell value for when he gets deployed again.  rasberry

    TW: large, yeah, he keeps telling me the PT cruiser is not a large car, but i’m too short to see out the back window.

  40. Jeremayakovka sez:

    nk, fact-check “chosen.” It has nothing to do with persecution.

    GOD NAMES NEXT “CHOSEN PEOPLE”; IT’S JEWS AGAIN

    “Oh Shit,” Say Jews

  41. Maybe I’ll give Mencia a tryout.

    He’s a little manic, like a Latino Robin Williams. He slaughters sacred cows like there’s no tomorrow, usually along racial lines.

    Personally, I think that’s a service to mankind. If we can laugh at ourselves and at each other we’re on our way to being one great big happy retarded dysfunctional family.

  42. A little off topic but anyone see this ? 

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheldon-drobny/liberalprogressive-anti_b_24666.html

    Apparently, the Dark Master, Karl Rove is to blame for the left’s anti-semitism.  I can’t make this up.  HT LGF.

  43. Then that joke’s not the sharpest bullet in the ammo clip.

    Since when do bullets have to be sharp?  Jeez, better go start filing on my hollow points, I guess…

  44. slartibartifast — Why?  Doesn’t Winchester still make them dumbass “sawtooth” hollowpoints (“Razorbacks’?)?

  45. Mencia doesn’t slaughter sacred cows. He makes obvious jokes playing on obvious stereotypes.  Worse, he does so badly.  His social commentary is at the earnest junior high schooler level.

    I don’t much agree with Chapelle’s social commentary oftentimes, but at least he’s fresh and interesting.

    Just my opinion.

  46. Mencia’s muuuch better in a club.  My wife pegged the problem with the show just this weekend—they set up as sketches (literal, and wholly unfunny) things that are just hinted at, tossed out or blown right past in his standup.

    Seriously, the guy does 2 3-hour shows a night when he comes to DC, and he works very hard to entertain his audience (he remembers people from club date to club date, several months apart).  We catch him whenever he’s in town*, but we hardly ever watch the TV show. 

    *Well, not our town anymore, but close enough.

  47. Wow, gotta disagree with ya there, Jeff. I find Chapelle juvenile and unfunny in the extreme. His sketches are like some local amateur troupe trying really hard to be a cutting-edge version of SNL.  I guess it is subjevtive.

  48. Have you seen the “man on the street” segment he did with the “People running across the freeway” sign? That killed me. 

    He hits the obvious buttons, but does so in a manner that also sends up the various reactions to hitting them, especially the outrage.

    I’ve also seen that done somewhere else, I think.

  49. Subhead:

    The Ignorant Faithful Cop a Clue”

  50. Ok, I lied (mendacious bastard that I am): I don’t actually own any hollowpoints.  Or even anything from which to fire them.  I have, however, had a musket ball bounce right off me.

    Ok, lying again.

  51. C’mon, McGehee . . . don’t I get partial credit for my answer, or is this like that Krebs Cycle shit?

    Sorry, Dan, I had skipped over yours to post mine, or I would have incorporated your contribution. Hence, I shall bring the formulation closer to completion herewith:

    Ayotollah Commandante Hezbollah Nasrallah Guevara Khomeini Feini Bobeini Boutros Ghali Kofi Vente Latte Ellenburg Ellis Greenwaldo Hugo Castro XIV Rodham Clinton …of Wurms.

  52. Not to rain on your alliterative parade, wishbone, but the “Kh” in Khomeini isn’t pronounced like a hard “ka,” but (from what I understand) like the arabic letter. But I guess if you pronounce “Comandante” like that it makes for funny noises coming out of your mouth. Of course I could be wrong.

  53. That’s one of the main problems, Pablo.  He does stuff that has been done to death already, especially the racial stuff. He seems to think it’s still the 70’s.

    Haaaa, spamword, “ago,” as in, “Dude, that was thirty years ago.”

  54. A little off topic but anyone see this ?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheldon-drobny/liberalprogressive-anti_b_24666.html

    Some of his premises should be held up to the light (“exploitation of the Middle East,” “Israel’s inhumane treatment of Palestinians”), but his main point – that Israel-haters are not (classically) liberal – is a good one.  Thanks!

  55. Then that joke’s not the sharpest bullet in the ammo clip.

    Uh, blunt bullets are the ones that tear you up the worst.

  56. Uh, blunt bullets are the ones that tear you up the worst.

    My bad (metaphor).

  57. I was just watching hume on fox and they showed a clip of letterman spoofing a videotape of bin laden and zawahiri.  it is a complete ripoff of the 2 jihadis in a bunker serial installment.  can’t find a link yet…

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