July 13, 2006

Fifty-second in a series of real-time empirical observations

In the time it takes you to read this post, Korean President Kim Jong Il will have shot a round of perfect golf, written several critically-acclaimed novels, and successfully communed with the ghost of Elvis—who, to the sawed-off dictator’s mild shock, will tell him that “Blue Suede Shoes” was actually an extended metaphor for the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and the subsequent US response, and that “we Yankees ain’t beyond toastin’ us some more marshmallows, brother. Because, I gotta tell ya’—the US is peopled with hungry giants who would spread your ass on a sandwich with some banana slices and applebutter and finish you off in 3 bites with a tall glass of malted milk, then go watch them some car racing.”*

****

update:  “You feelin’ me, Tiny…?”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 5:04pm
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Comments (29)

  1. Because, I gotta tell ya’—the US is peopled with hungry giants who would spread your ass on a sandwich with some banana slices and applebutter and finish you off in 3 bites with a tall glass of malted milk, then go watch them some car racing.

    Are you espousing violence here?

  2. What could KJI possibly add to a fluffernutter, banana or any other kind of sandwich, except empty, homicidal calories?

    Mmmm…now I’m hungry.  But as I HAVE pie today, blueberry cream pie that is, the envy of the Western World, I am magnanimous iin victory If you want KJI sandwich (though I would ask those chorus girls for their opinion first, ahem), knock yo’self out. 

    In fact, give me your sooper sekrit non-stalker address and I’ll send you some mustard from Katz’s to hide the taste.

    TW [Shudder] What’s next, Anna Nicole wraps?  Feh.

  3. Car racing?  I wish they’d televise teh blow shit up, man.

    TW: just wanted to see what it looked like from the space station

  4. The Ghost of Elvis and his eliminationist rhetoric.

    It’s simply awful!

  5. The way I see it, international diplomacy is a rubik’s cube.  The game is so involved that it’s nearly impossible to tell the difference between someone who knows what they’re doing and a clueless fool.  That is, until you’re a few inevitable moves away from victory.

    In both the case of the cube and world policy, it seems that any semblance of order cannot exist until you’re close enough to the end game that there are only a certain number of inevitable and logical moves that lead to success.

    That being said, Jong Il is a fool; and his behavior leads me to believe that he might just be playing the game without a plan.  While he fiddles, the US and the Pacific Rim make deliberate moves that seem innocuous, almost trivial; but seem to denote a long-range strategy is in play.

    It should be interesting, but hopefully not as ‘interesting’ as the mid-east has become in recent days.

  6. Thanks for the denunciation, Jeff.  It has made me a better commenter.

    What specifically would you like me to apologize for?

  7. Sounds like how Mona describes GiGi

    TW: short ha – really

  8. The ghost then ordered a bowl of bacon and three girls to wrassle wearing only white panties.

  9. Kim responded, “Don’t be cwuul.”

  10. “YEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAWWWWWWW!…”

    – Major Kong

  11. But…but….but….you can’t hit a bullet with a bullet!!!!

  12. Sorta makes Reagan look like Gulliver in the land of Lilliputians.

  13. I want to be a good online citizen.

    But I like to see shit blow up!

  14. Actually, I think eliminationist rhetoric might be acceptable if you’re a King. Then it’s strategy.

    I wonder if Emperors qualify for that exception too.

    tw: Major No, gotta be a General, at least.

  15. Did you see this version?

    The North Koreans demanded that the South stop joint military drills with the United States due next year, saying it was ready to protect

    South Korea with its 1.2-million-strong armed forces.

    That provoked an unusually biting reply from South Korean Unification Minister Lee Jong-seok that echoed the rhetoric of the years before Seoul’s determined policy of rapprochement.

    “Who in the South asked you to protect our safety?” Lee told Kwon on Tuesday, according to a South Korean official. “It would help our safety for the North not to fire missiles or develop a nuclear program.”

    The South said the North could also forget about any more aid until it returns to separate talks on its nuclear weapons.

    I mean, WOW.  That oughta wake up a few people in ths South!

  16. “If I had to hand out preliminary awards, I would say the North Koreans are winning,” he said. “I assume that the North Koreans are sitting back chuckling.”

    The preliminary award being two free coupons for Sizzler lunch buffet.

    T/W The midget emperor was almost persuaded by harsh words that the actors wrote.  Almost.

  17. The Ghost of Elvis and his eliminationist rhetoric.

    It’s simply awful!

    It was some of the most vile, deranged and psychosexually disturbed commentary I’ve heard all week.  As soon as I get my pants up from around my ankles I’m going to make sure to condem this post in my next comment.  For right now all I can think about is getting a slice of Banana Cream Pie and taking a nap.  I get hungry and sleepy after I abuse myself during bouts of genocidal ideation.

    God I love Elvis.

  18. Has the 50 nuclear tipped cruise missiles been deliver to Japan yet? No charge, compliments of the people of the United States.

  19. The Ghost of Elvis and his eliminationist rhetoric.

    It’s simply awful!

    That’s almost as bad as the eliminationist rhetoric used by Pace Foods, which should also be condemned by the way. If cowboys can’t eat salsa made in New York city, well then the terrorists have already won.

  20. Japan holds a press conference:

    “In light of recent events, the Japanese Naval Self-Defense Force is hereby renamed the Imperial Japanese Navy.”

  21. I have some fireworks at the house more sophisticated and impressive than Jung Il’s “missiles” and his “nuclear” program, in all probability, is a liars hearsay.

    The hype about his “capabilities” is a combination of left-wing wishful thinking and MSM drama.

    He’s about as dangerous to the rest of the world as a dung beetle – just not as smart.

  22. This Cowboy diplomacy must stop.

  23. Read that guy msdl5 in the comment thread at Captains Quarters that Jeff linked in the post. He knows what he’s talking about and the implications are often missed when contemplating the true danger of NK missles (or Iranian or even to some extent Chinese or Russian). The key is to have assets in the right place. Already done in both the Pacific Rim and SW Asia.

  24. Ewvis wocks . . . down at the end of Ronery Stweet . . . Heawtbweak Ho-terr . . .

  25. We want the airborne laser! 

    Kim acts up, it’ll be like the neighborhood kid frying ants with his magnifying glass.

  26. Or at least we could pop a house full of popcorn from a long way away.  I wonder if ol’ Jong hates popcorn?

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