July 13, 2006

Overheard inside a Beirut bunker, Thursday, July 13

First Hezbollah militant: “Have you noticed, brother, how the Israeli fighter jets sound very much like wasps?”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “Giant wasps.  With giant stingers.  And giant missiles.  With laser targeting.”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “And giant, state-of-the-art wasp communication systems to aid them in their coordinating, giant wasp strikes.”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant:

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “…You ever wish you were a Jew, brother –?”

Second Hezbollah militant: “– If you don’t shut up and help me pray to Allah, I swear to Christ I’ll kill you myself.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 7:00pm
42 comments | Trackback

Comments (42)

  1. Swear to Christ?  Wow, he must be really rattled…..

  2. Reminds me of a passage from Hollywood manager Bernie Brillstein’s autobiography, where he admits taking a dead jew’s name in vain, yelling “JESUS CHRIST!” at some crisis.

    Veddy good, Jeff.

    DU

  3. This is the absolute finest that I have read since my friend, a la Jonathan and David, turned me on, and yes I mean..,’turned me on’ to this site.

    I have gathered up courage from some fine Tennessee whiskey and a Japanese beer chaser because it is the only alliance that won’t hang me over.

    In the end the Ishmaelites will have nothing to say.  But say, am I missing something?  Arguably the most important moment in history since 1948 is taking place and the ‘live breaking news’ on FOX is Barbarosa’s legs.  When did they stop shooting horses anyway?  Ok.  I will will kneel and do confession for that one.  Is it that we so desparetly need Lassie’s relationship to rekindle the inocense that today was lost and gone forever.

    Oh yes, and don’t think that Iran is not already fully equipped.  Too late.  The stage is set.  Actors take your spots.

  4. What’s the buzz?  Tell me what’sa happenin.

  5. Oh, and skyrider . . . give me a hit of that, willya?

  6. [First Hezbollah militant Thought Balloon:  “What I wouldn’t give to be safe inside an Israeli prison right now.  I wonder if I can exchange myself . . . ."]

  7. myspam… not related but somehow on the same page..

    http://www.pataphysics-lab.com/pain/?p=21

  8. Gladly Dan, it’s a good hit at that.

  9. Thanks, amigo.

  10. First Hezbollah militant: “Have you noticed, brother, how the Israeli fighter jets sound very much like wasps?”

    WASPS and Jews working together to defeat the jihad!?

    BECAUSE OF THE HEGEMONIC ZIONIST NEO-CON CONSPIRACY!!!

  11. I gotta quit coming by here. Every time I do, I end up laughing so hard my ribs hurt.

    I wonder if I can sue?

    TW: You’ve really got it together, Jeff. Bravo Zulu.

  12. F’ing Ay, McGehee, do you have to joke about everything?

    If Armageddon happens on a Friday afternoon, I’m going to be pissed!

  13. Yea! A rebirth/reincarnation of my favorite bit.

  14. If Armageddon happens on a Friday afternoon, I’m going to be pissed!

    How do you think the jihadis will feel? Friday is their sabbath.

  15. These Lebanese or Syrian militants or whatever they are, are not quite as prone to homoerotic chatter as are the Iraqi militants………at least if you can believe what you read in old “Overheard in a bunker” posts.

    I kinda miss that part……but not in a gay way.

  16. These Lebanese or Syrian militants or whatever they are, are not quite as prone to homoerotic chatter as are the Iraqi militants.

    Too busy fearing for their lives? Just a guess. wink

  17. What the hell?

    You guys do realise there’s a real shooting war going on out in the middle east, don’t you?

    It’s not a joke, not a cheap excuse for you dorks to justify your amusing talking points. Actual human beings are being maimed and killed on both sides of the border. There are some subjects where humour is the best response, but I can’t see how this is one of them – this is just sick.

    Jesus, what’s wrong with you guys?

  18. You guys do realise there’s a real shooting war going on out in the middle east, don’t you? … There are some subjects where humour is the best response, but I can’t see how this is one of them – this is just sick.

    So, you’re saying nobody should have been joking about anything since 1948?

  19. Yeah, I’m sure there were no jokes at all during WOrld War 2.

    At.  All.

    Completely humourless.

  20. I’m confused about the talking points thing.

    Was it that fighter jets sound like wasps buzzing?

  21. I don’t know about wasps, but I’ve heard A-4’s down low and personal and even those little suckers sounded like God’s Own Zipper.

    And is this one of those Airstream bunkers?  Damn thing’s popping up everywhere in the middle east, looks like.

  22. I’m all in favour of black humour, it’s my only true talent. But for the love of Christ, can’t we wait ‘til the bullets have stopped flying? Whatever your position on this conflict, a lot of innocent people are likely to get killed.

    As for the responses so far, it looks like reasonable debate to you is a bit like showing a dog a card trick.

  23. Maybe you shouldn’t be looking for debates in this thread, when we recently had the serious discussions here and here.

    This is the black humor thread.  If you’d like, I can post an insruction manual on how to read this site?

  24. It’s not a joke, not a cheap excuse for you dorks to justify your amusing talking points.

    This here is a joke. You see talking points? Where?

  25. Second Hezbollah Militant: Magic Dust? No, I don’t have any magic dust on me.  How can you think of getting high at a time like this?

  26. IDF Sniper: “Oy vey….not this crap again. How many times do we have to hand these idiots their asses to them before they get the idea the ISRAEL IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE? We’ve only been here for sayyyyy, 6,000 years?”

    IDF Radio”Hey Benjamin, two clicks left, you have a bunker filled with two guys trying to figure out to shoot a qassam. Show them the hard way. Mazeltov.”

  27. I’m just impressed he was able to get all three major religions into the punchline.  Talk about equal opportunity, though I’m sure the Buddists will be pissed…

  28. Flying Rodent:

    But for the love of Christ, can’t we wait ‘til the bullets have stopped flying?

    If we do not laugh before we have peace, we may die before we have laughed.

    Many of us are soooo ethno-centric, biased, and partisan that we actually rejoice to see terrorists and their supporters getting flattened.

    Investigate the possibility that you are not more sensitive and compassionate than us, but merely a deracinated relativist.

  29. Once again Jeff has hit the nail on the head. Funny stuff. There are two types of terrorist, DEAD and NOT DEAD ENOUGH.

  30. Sanity Inspector,

    Is this really so hard to understand?  I don’t have a problem with terrorists getting knocked off, but I do have a problem with civilian men, women and kids, regardless of their ethnicity, being crushed in their homes. The message I was trying to convey was that it is not appropriate to bring the funny while families are being smashed by Hezbollah rockets/Israeli artillery.

    I don’t have a dictionary to hand, but is that deracinated or relativist enough?

  31. Dammit

    I missed the talking points, again!

  32. deracinated

    Say, that’s a fine word. Mind if i use it?

    Not as good as defenestrate, but I can see where it might come in handy.

    TW:take As in,take it or leave it.

  33. I do have a problem with civilian men, women and kids, regardless of their ethnicity, being crushed in their homes.

    And you have such a huge problem with it that everybody else in the world has to stop living life until it stops.

  34. Flying Rodent,

    Look at it this way. We’re doing you a huge favor.

    Your day isn’t complete until you’ve found somebody you can feel morally superior to, right? Gotta get those ol’ Superior Intelligence and Kindness juices flowing, not to mention the sadly beautiful strains of your heartstrings playing Sympathy for the Victims.

    Well, that’s us. And we’re volunteers. Why, I bet McGehee would do it for you even if you didn’t ask.

    Have a happy. Just don’t get your nose caught in the ceiling fan. That might hurt, I think.

    Regards,

    Ric

  35. But for the love of Christ, can’t we wait ‘til the bullets have stopped flying?

    No.

    And speaking as someone who has seen bullets fly for real (though by no means as much as many on this board) kiss my ass, priscilla.  Don’t tell me how to think about it.

    And by the way, repeating Chris Rock jokes is NOT what they mean by black humor.

  36. Jeff,

    I think the instruction manual is a great idea.  You could dedicate it to Dead Fish.  I meant Deb Frish.

    This site could be the McGuffy Reader of the 21st Century.  We could all be immortal.  Or immoral.

    Even the no-show armadillo.

  37. Hey Flying Rodent, You can always just fly away if you don’t like what you read at this site. It doesn’t take much to just push a key on a pad and leave a site that offends you and your thinking. Remember who was laughing and throwing a freaking party when the Twin Towers came crashing down? Never forget that! So personally my sorrow or sympathy for any muslim ended that day.

    Hey Jeff, Hope the armadillo is back in action tomorrow!

  38. Why, I bet McGehee would do it for you even if you didn’t ask.

    I dunno. He twitches okay when I poke him, but he doesn’t make that funny little squeaking noise that always makes me laugh.

  39. Well, McGehee, you haveta be scientific about it. Pay attention to anatomy and the orgone forces and all that.

    I mean, draw an imaginary line from here to here, and from there to right there, see? And right where they cross, poke

    Damn. You’re right. <fx: shouts> Honey, where’d you put the cattle prod?

    Regards,

    Ric

  40. The message I was trying to convey was that it is not appropriate to bring the funny while families are being smashed by Hezbollah rockets/Israeli artillery.

    Moral equivalence, like suicide, is the coward’s way out.

    The Muslims would be partying over your death, and ours, just the same as they do over those of Israeli civilians, and 9/11 victims.  So don’t expect us to get all moist and sniffly if they get in the goddamn way after rolling out the red carpet for Hezbollah.

  41. I don’t have a problem with terrorists getting knocked off, but I do have a problem with civilian men, women and kids, regardless of their ethnicity, being crushed in their homes.

    Well then, good news!  Jeff was specifically making a joke about Hezbollah militants in a bunker, not civilians.  You may go on your merry way now, secure in the knowledge that only flying rodent-approved persons are being mocked.

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