Using long sentences? amateurish. Devoting an entire post to pointing out how a person whose opinions mean nothing to you uses long sentences, all while inviting your readers (in a not particularly well-disguised attempt to fish for compliments) to stroke the veiny, spongy shaft of your own insecurities? ironic.
Or maybe sad is the better choice.
Ah, what the hell: Let’s call that one a pick ‘em.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 1/31 @ 7:33 pm #
Off to Best Buy to pick up the extended Dune.
But I promise to watch the shorter version—if only as a way to train myself back into minimalism.
Comment by shank on 1/31 @ 7:36 pm #
You do use some pretty goddamn long sentances though dude. I mean, you and Cicero, some non-period-using-ass bitches.
Comment by Jay on 1/31 @ 7:40 pm #
I was impressed by the term “PeePee Pants Media”. Clearly, this is a great satirist, in the mode of Juvenal, Swift, etc.
On the other hand, you could break these things up a little, so as to give us a chance to catch our breath between pop culture references.
P.S. Let us know how the Dune thing works out. I’m tempted to get it myself.
Comment by Robert Crawford on 1/31 @ 7:40 pm #
It ain’t the length, it’s the content. I’ve seen some three-word sentences that were impenetrable, while most of Jeff’s missives are understandable.
Comment by albo on 1/31 @ 7:42 pm #
from his comments:
There are some truly excellent writers on the Internets, our host being one of them
jeez. this guy’s acolytes aren’t nearly as creative as yours.
Comment by Jay on 1/31 @ 7:42 pm #
Oh, and Cicero didn’t use periods because they weren’t invented yet. Jeff, you don’t have that excuse.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 1/31 @ 7:43 pm #
Periods are for chicks.
AND NOW, THANKS TO THE ALITO CONFIRMATION, MY STYLE WILL BE VINDICATED!
Comment by JRez on 1/31 @ 7:45 pm #
BECAUSE SIZE DOESN’T MATTER!
(well, that and THE HYPOCRISY!)
Comment by shank on 1/31 @ 7:47 pm #
You’re style? Like…Tiger Style? As in “You cannot defeat my strong Protein Wisdom Style!” Or like..freestyle. As in, “Why you bitin’ my style, B?”
Comment by kelly on 1/31 @ 7:49 pm #
Good gawd.
Is liberal smugness genetic or an aquired trait? I wish I had that few minutes of my life spent on Tbone’s blog back.
Comment by Vladimir on 1/31 @ 7:58 pm #
Because of the pebble holding HANSON!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Defense Guy on 1/31 @ 7:59 pm #
I prefer to think of it is intentionally ironic, as it makes it easier to picture them walking near traffic or cooking.
The alternative would be the constant wondering of how they remember to breathe, and who wants that going round their head all the time?
Comment by Uncle Squid on 1/31 @ 8:08 pm #
One imagines them putting a little picture of Michael Moore in their left shoe, and a picture of Dubya in their right, just so’s they’ll remember which one goes on which foot.
And yes, that is the last time you’re likely to see “little” and “Michael Moore” in the same sentence.
Comment by Rusty Shackleford on 1/31 @ 8:12 pm #
Me like TBOGG. Him writes good. He are very convincing.
Comment by Rightwingsparkle on 1/31 @ 8:33 pm #
I have to wonder about a guy who feels a need to point out that he is a “faithful” husband, as opposed to your usual Democrat I suppose.
Comment by Phinn on 1/31 @ 8:36 pm #
Meh. I’m bored with Leftists. They’re so 20th century.
Comment by Peter Jackson on 1/31 @ 8:42 pm #
EXACTLY.
Comment by Rich in Martigues on 1/31 @ 8:42 pm #
Jeff. Please. Let us know how the extended Dune cut is. I have heard negatives in some reviews. I just finished re-reading it this afternoon, after a 12 year period from the first time, in anticipation. Just want to know if it’s worth picking up my own self.
BECAUES LADY JESSICA’S UTERUS IS OURS!
Comment by Slartibartfast on 1/31 @ 8:42 pm #
I was especially entertained by tbogg’s first sentence:
so closely followed by the first sentence of one of his commenters:
I’m not sure if irony gets any better than that, does it?
Comment by BumperStickerist on 1/31 @ 8:43 pm #
If it helps the TBOGG Tee-Hee’ers
Jeff as Blank Verse:
One
of the
benefits
of an hysterical, adversarial,
and sensationalist
media
is that,
blessedly,
its inevitable and predictable
insistance
on the implied importance of
every
al Qaeda missive
as a nail
in the US imperialist’s coffin
is viewed by most in the US as
simply
that-
a way to gin up fear and ratingsâ€â€
although
sadly,
this speaks less to the media’s continued importance
in framing stories
from their position of advocacy
than it does to the length of time
between
attacks proving tentatively
dispositive
to our successes,
and the sense Americans have that,
regardless of how the AP spins it,
a man bragging
that a unmanned airstrike
narrowly
missed him
(while killing other terror leaders)
is a bit like Randall
Tex
Cobb
bragging that he’d never been
knocked out,
even while he lost
fight
after
fight.
Comment by apotheosis on 1/31 @ 8:51 pm #
Another ditto for a review of the extended Dune, assuming it’s the David Lynch version we’re discussing.
Mostly because I’m curious how far short it’ll still fall of the SciFi Channel’s outstanding version.
Comment by natesnake on 1/31 @ 8:56 pm #
I see “faithful husband” as more of a decoy. He doesn’t want anyone to suspect him of swallowing all of the cocks….. that he has indeed swallowed.
“I’m a faithful husband and soccer coach! I’ve never been sodomized by groups of men at the Blue Oyster Bar service entry! Stop looking at me that way!”
Comment by Beck on 1/31 @ 9:08 pm #
No doubt TBogg was just projecting latent hostility left over from losing a Faulkner vs. Hemmingway debate. I mean, assuming he even knows who those guys are.
Which, OK, who am I kidding?
Comment by Jay on 1/31 @ 9:20 pm #
BumperStickerist,
That was very good! It was also easier to read.
Jeff, you could learn something here.
Comment by Pablo on 1/31 @ 9:24 pm #
Whenever I see “Tbogg”, I can’t help thinking “Teabag” aka “nutsack”.
Is it just me or does TBagg remind anyone else of a scrotum?
Comment by Old Dad on 1/31 @ 9:26 pm #
Tbogg’s got a bad case of colon envy. It happens to soccer dads whose wives have their nads in a jar on the dresser by her diaphragm gathering dust in the twilight.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 1/31 @ 9:30 pm #
Jay –
I think you wandered in here by mistake. I hear Hannity.com uses sentences of “journalistic” length. Uses the inverted pyramid and topic sentences, too.
Have at it! Or better, head on over to Tbogg and join in the pile on!
Comment by Jay on 1/31 @ 9:56 pm #
Jeff,
Do you object
to blank verse?
Try it.
It really helps.
It’s
Easier
To read and
Easier
To write.
Of course, it’s also
Very pretentious
So,
It would have to be used
Sparingly.
But I’m
Really starting to like
It.
What’s more,
No cheap comparisons
With Cicero.
Cause they didn’t have blank verse
Or periods
Back then.
Heck, even tbogg
Could write
Something
That
Would
Make sense.
Well, maybe not.
Comment by RS on 1/31 @ 10:25 pm #
I have to say, I’m impressed with the lemming-like rush over at chez TBogg: people are actually trampling one another to trumpet their lack of reading comprehension. It’s “I am most incapable of following a coherent thought through to the end of a sentence of more than 10 words!” “No, I am, and compound/complex constructions baffle me more than all here!” “I say thee nay! I am truly the most challenged, and I defy any to better me in my abject failure to perceive the point!”
God love them, they’re actually proud about it. They aren’t just sitting front row and center on the short bus – they’re leaning out the window and waving so the whole world can know.
Comment by none on 1/31 @ 10:36 pm #
You know, my wife once stroked the veiny, spongy shaft of my insecurities. Once. Now it’s up to me.
Comment by WindRider95 on 1/31 @ 10:43 pm #
BumperStickerist,
Excellent!
I kept looking for the ee cummings spin.
Comment by none on 1/31 @ 10:46 pm #
Speaking of David Lynch movies, any thoughts on Eraserhead? I bought the Eraserhead dvd about three months ago but I can’t quite convince myself to watch it. I first saw it in the 80s while at college and it freaked me out, but I was drunk a lot back in those days.
Comment by ron on 1/31 @ 10:53 pm #
on dune:
well admittedly I have read and reread the dune series probably 8 times in the last 18+ years.
the layers and plotlines are threaded through thousands of years and numerous characters.
from what I gather the whole dune series ends in the ultimate expression of a fully conceptualized(morally,intellectually,physically)individual that I have ever read. enough dunegeeking the scifi channel is the better version.
Comment by Scott Chaffin on 1/31 @ 11:09 pm #
Some commenter at The Ididot:
That’s an inside joke I’m too styewpid to get, isn’t it?
Comment by Sortelli on 1/31 @ 11:46 pm #
Bwa ha ha ha ha! Heee hee hee hee hee.
Comment by Attila Girl on 1/31 @ 11:53 pm #
As with many of the psuedo-intellectual lefty sites, there’s a sort high-schoolish insecure snobbery going on. I mean, there actually appears to be a sort of competition going over who can come up with the best “SAT word.”
It’s like Pandagon, or Jesus’ General: a sort of desperate, clingy mutual reassurance that, yes, WE REALLY ARE SMART, AREN’T WE? And anyone who doesn’t think like us is STUPID AND IGNORANT. Right? Right! I thought so, too.
As for long sentences, there is a class of writer who is above a lot of the guidelines the less-talented have to follow. You’re in that league, Mr. G–along with Faulkner, Milne, and a few others who favored long sentences.
Comment by Attila Girl on 1/31 @ 11:56 pm #
Of course, we could be over-analyzing: his petty carping might merely be sentence envy–because his syntactical units tend to be so short.
Comment by Lazar on 2/1 @ 12:03 am #
Try:
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 2/1 @ 12:10 am #
I’m still fascinated by the suggestion that the word dispositive MUST NOT WANDER OUTSIDE OF ITS PURELY LEGAL USAGE.
Seriously. They’re acting as if my use of “dispositive” was a black Republican. It is simply inauthentic outside of its specialized word plantation.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 2/1 @ 12:17 am #
First time I’ve ever seen anyone use “syntactical” in almost the same paragraph as a misspell of “pseudo”. Not criticizing, just cherishing another in a constantly diminishing succession of firsts.
Comment by Peter Griffin on 2/1 @ 12:26 am #
something tells me they toggle between the faithful soccer dad cowboy and classmates.com
Comment by Squiggler on 2/1 @ 12:36 am #
Jeff Goldstein = long sentences = always worth reading! At least for those of us who can read not only long sentences, but words longer than 4 letters that start with f and end with k so typical of kiddie land.
Comment by gail on 2/1 @ 12:39 am #
Actually, that’s free verse. Blank verse in unrhymed iambic pentameter.
Comment by gail on 2/1 @ 12:40 am #
IS, not in, Jeez
Comment by topsecretk9 on 2/1 @ 1:07 am #
Well that was quick. I thought the fillibuster/spineless dem senaors/matthews/russert/wapo/couric/gop talking point “netroot” battle would occupy just a smidge longer.
this T-Bogg comment slayed me
Comment by Jamie on 2/1 @ 1:11 am #
Eh, it’s the same old thing: I can’t actually do the heavy lifting, so I’ll ridicule the spandex on the guy who can. They’ve been doing it to Bush for six years now: somehow his far-less-than-perfect extemporaneous speaking style trumps the fact that he’s actually led the nation to do something serious about the Islamist attacks we’ve been experiencing since 1979 or so.
TW: all image, no substance.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 2/1 @ 1:17 am #
Wait, Kennedy isn’t drunk and fat? Next thing, you’re going to tell me he didn’t play drums for Asia? Or leave a staffer to drown.
And the only “forced mustache” Josh has ever encountered was the one tickling his glory hole during that one experimental salon—the ample wine and the gorgeous Andre Gide prose opening him up to a night of quivering, hesitant abandon!
Comment by Ric Locke on 2/1 @ 1:34 am #
When posting at Goldstein’s I sometimes may use
A sentence that’s longer than Tbogg prescribes
With dependent clauses, a comma or two,
(and real parentheicals now and again)
To express with precision what I’d like to say
To the fine crew of commenters and distinguished host
Of the best of all blogs to the right of the aisle.
If leftists can’t read it, it won’t bother me
Because I don’t like doing Oh! See Spot Run!
Or water down thoughts for the easier grasp
Of postadolescents pretending nuance.
Fuckem.
Regards,
Ric
Comment by Slartibartfast on 2/1 @ 2:11 am #
Man, I still LOVE that song. And this verse you can not change. Rock ON.
Comment by gail on 2/1 @ 2:49 am #
pffft. He probably read it in translation. Philistine.
Comment by Joe Manning on 2/1 @ 2:52 am #
Yeah, that Tbogg, what a maroon. Next thing you know, he’ll be threatening to slap someone in the face with his cock.
Oh wait, that’s been done.
Comment by gail on 2/1 @ 2:57 am #
What I honestly don’t understand is, if these people don’t like reading Jeff’s work, why are they obsessing over it? You would think they could find something better to do with their time.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 2/1 @ 3:19 am #
They can, and do. They just don’t like to talk about it.
Comment by gail on 2/1 @ 4:15 am #
And with the other hand they write blockheaded comments about Jeff.
Comment by kelly on 2/1 @ 5:21 am #
Got my Bick out on that one, dude!
Comment by kelly on 2/1 @ 5:23 am #
Seriously, I meant to write: Bic. As in: lighter.
As in: Dead Rock Stars for $2,000, Alex.
Comment by malaclypse the tertiary on 2/1 @ 5:37 am #
Jeff reminds me of Pynchon. To wit (first sentence of Mason & Dixon):
Comment by Dave D on 2/1 @ 12:57 pm #
The best part is that some dickhead will look at Tbogg’s unprovoked attack on Jeff, then look at Jeff’s response and publicly conclude that blogs are just so partisan and ugly and full of name-calling.
Comment by The Colossus on 2/1 @ 4:31 pm #
I think Randall Tex Cobb and Billy Jack need to settle the question in an Indian Strap Match—assuming Billy would agree that putting up with the manifest cultural insensitivity of a thing called “an Indian Strap Match” is worth it in order to get to give Cobb a good beat down.
Me, I’m guessing he’d be game for it.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 2/1 @ 6:28 pm #
I can only imagine the delight with which Freud might have greeted “Got my Bick out…”.
Comment by Muslihoon on 2/1 @ 11:29 pm #
In the world there are only a few people who have such a masterful command of English that their skill in making sentences and paragraphs overwhelms even the meaning or point of their words. Such an one is Jeff. I, personally, love long sentences. Reminds me of Thomas Hobbes and other refined writers – except Jeff is actually easier to comprehend. Like refined writers, Jeff has a large vocabulary, and so encountering long-lost jewels is quite the exciting experience.
Sure, I’ll sound like a fanboy, but Jeff is my favorite writer. I can’t find anyone, past or present, who can write better than he does. So people who criticize him are unlearned and illiterate Neanderthals.
WWJD: forget “What Would Jesus Do?” I’d rather focus on “What Would Jeff Write?”