[warning: graphic sexual content]
A house divided
against itself cannot—whoa.
I think I just came…
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November 30, 2005
A haiku that, for no reason whatsoever, imagines Abe Lincoln as a first-time heroin user
36 Comments ::: Post a comment »RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI: http://proteinwisdom.com/wp-trackback.php?p=5565 Leave a commentIf you want to leave a feedback to this post or to some other user´s comment, simply fill out the form below. |
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Comment by Carin on 11/30 @ 9:46 pm #
Where’s the jump? I don’t come here to read porn.
Often.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 11/30 @ 9:52 pm #
PAJAMAS MEDIA DOES NOT OWN THIS FILTHY PORN PEDDLER!
Comment by The Colossus on 11/30 @ 9:56 pm #
I don’t know why that is so damn funny . . . but it is.
Comment by mojo on 11/30 @ 9:56 pm #
Aw, now you’re gonna have Lair all over you about insensitive Lincoln jokes…
SB: turned
SLOWLY I turned, step by step…
Comment by none on 11/30 @ 9:56 pm #
You are a filthy smut peddling goddamn motherfu… Oops. I just came, too. Anybody got a cigarette?
And a towel.
Comment by Carin on 11/30 @ 9:58 pm #
Much better. Abe Lincoln and sex provokes worse imagery than seeing my parents doing it.
Comment by Rob on 11/30 @ 10:15 pm #
Either Mary Todd shoots up… or the bitch don’t walk out of here.
(paraphrased, I was pretty smacked out myself when I saw Rush)
Comment by harrison on 11/30 @ 10:35 pm #
That is so wrong on so many levels.
heehee
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 11/30 @ 10:47 pm #
Yeah. But it feels so—whoa.
I think I just came.
Comment by utron on 11/30 @ 10:54 pm #
Okay, on the upside that made me laugh. On the downside, it made me think about Lincoln in a sexual way, and that is something I simply do not–whoa.
I think I just came.
T/W: “himself.” Res ipsa loquitur.
Comment by ahem on 11/30 @ 10:54 pm #
Rates an 11 out of a possible 10.
Comment by JWebb on 11/30 @ 11:00 pm #
Another first from reading PW – adding Lincoln Crank to my vocabulary. . .
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 12/1 @ 12:13 am #
I’m sorry. Every time I re-read this I giggle.
There’s something very very wrong with me.
Comment by Chrees on 12/1 @ 12:40 am #
Brilliant, and better than “Naked Lunch.”
Comment by IWood on 12/1 @ 1:05 am #
Well, my brave boys, you can prepare a stretcher for me! I will never- *splurt*
Comment by harrison on 12/1 @ 1:06 am #
“There’s something very very wrong with me.”
On so many lev…whoa
excuse me…
Comment by Eric J on 12/1 @ 1:24 am #
“Other than that, Mrs Lincoln, how was the skag?”
Comment by none on 12/1 @ 1:38 am #
There’s something very very wrong with me.
That much is certain.
Comment by APF on 12/1 @ 2:21 am #
Yikes
What kind of person is going to want to read this sort of thing? Some kind of insidery “joke” over Abraham Lincoln talking about drugs and orgasms? Is that really funny? Because I sure don’t get it. Why would you put this up where people will read it? Is this really the sort of first impression PJM is trying to make, because if it is I don’t think you’re going to be very successful going that route. Who are you trying to attract with this sort of content?
No, I don’t approve of this post at all.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 12/1 @ 2:24 am #
You should hear the Audible Protein Wisdom version.
Let’s just say it’s edgier.
Comment by APF on 12/1 @ 2:34 am #
But is it Sarah Silverman edgy?
[warning: .jpgs]
Comment by McGehee on 12/1 @ 3:09 am #
[clicks first link]
“New Jew Review”? I think I used to watch that when I was a kid.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 12/1 @ 3:14 am #
Me too. My favorite episode: “Henrietta Hippo goes to a sale at Hechts.”
Comment by Mona on 12/1 @ 4:09 am #
This is insane—why the hell does that so crack me up? I am a well-educated grandmother for god’s sake.
Comment by SeanH on 12/1 @ 4:18 am #
Pervert.
Comment by harrison on 12/1 @ 4:55 am #
Don’t call Mona a pervert.
Comment by CraigC on 12/1 @ 5:28 am #
I’m the only one who’s gonna get the Hecht’s reference, Jeff.
Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 12/1 @ 5:31 am #
Yeah. Sometimes I write ‘em just in case the jackasses I went to high school with are googling me.
Comment by harrison on 12/1 @ 5:32 am #
I got it, too.
They will all be Macy’s soon.
Comment by Jolly Roger on 12/1 @ 6:59 am #
Loved it! Jeff Goldstein gives me daily reassurance that there is at least one other person in this world far more twisted and insane than I am. The depraved bit he’ll still have to work on.
TW: friends (awwww…)
Comment by Mike Caldwell on 12/1 @ 7:39 am #
Arrrggghhh! Now I’ve got this Lyle Lovett/Lenny Bruce/Chris Farley hybrid running through my brain shooting up and, er, ejaculating.
I fear sleep tonight.
Comment by A fine scotch on 12/1 @ 2:21 pm #
Dammit, Jeff,
The mental image of Abe Lincoln using smack and having an orgasm doesn’t bother me (for some reason) but the whoa I picture being voiced by Keanu Reeves and that just skeeves me out.
I will now shower with drano and a brillo pad.
Comment by Roberta Swipe on 12/1 @ 5:39 pm #
I always saw Abe as more a crack cocaine kinda dood. …I can sense the audible sighs of relief as I tell you this: Attila Girl and I will be disappearing somewhere without PC access for the next month. Yes, at last Reality TV fame beckons for us both!
And don’t say we don’t deserve it!!!!
See you in a month or so,
xxx
Roberta
Comment by Nick on 12/1 @ 6:06 pm #
Now we know where the Protein in “Protein Wisdom”…ummm… comes from.
Comment by Roberta Swipe on 12/1 @ 7:47 pm #
Mike, was he singing “Baby, baby, baby you’re outta fuckin’ time” with a horrifically pockmarked face???
They’re the worst kind of flashbacks, aren’t they?
(…thinks: Terri Garr, Terri Garr, Terri Garr…)
xxx
The Agressively Unfunny Roberta Swipe (Mrs.)
Comment by Roberta Swipe on 12/1 @ 7:50 pm #
…no, I’m thinking of Chris Farlowe…..or was it Farley Grainger?….No, dang it – it was FARLEY’S RUSK!!! At last, we’re back on subject!!!
(“er hem”: ed. reluctant to point out that this is in fact for once a non-cereal-related thread….)
xxx
Roberta 4 Attila Girl