August 19, 2014

An ongoing list of things you will NEVER see me write on this site (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)











Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:25am

Comments (35)

  1. Whimsy! This is what happens after you pushed nearly a foot of intestine through a tear in the groin moving a 400 lb box of ammo.

    Even though you don’t have guns anymore.

    Vicodin is also involved, naturally.

  2. Wait, you already wrote about #4… I remember it well.

  3. Dang

    so much white

  4. 11. Why the song “Cry Little Sister” from the Lost Boys soundtrack should be remade as a blue grass tune.

    12. Why Winchester’s new bolt action .243 Aqua Hunter shrimp gun is a bad idea and a waste of money.

    13. I’m pretty sure that cat puke can cure toe nail fungus. Does toe nail fungus grow on cat puke? Well okay then. Science!

  5. 1000. Why I’m selling all my worldly goods and donating the proceeds to Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign.

  6. .308 Winchester
    Remington UMC 150gr FMJ
    Rounds per pound: 19.05
    Weight per 100 rounds (lbs): 5.25

    OK, some assumptions here, but that’s a minimum of about 7600 rounds.

  7. . . . like the things Willmoore Kendall didn’t bother to say

    kind of

  8. Dang

    so much white

    what do you expect from a member of The Patriarchy?

  9. Numbers? I thought there would be no math herein.

  10. So the answer is 55? But that doesn’t look anything like 42.

  11. No wonder the canoe sank.

  12. God so loved Mankind, he created Vicodin.

  13. Numbers 8 and 13 are contradictory. How are we to reconcile this?

  14. to the lab-oratory with it

  15. Jeff writes #2 all the time. So often in fact, that #1 rolls down our backs like rain.

  16. 13. I’m pretty sure that cat puke can cure toe nail fungus. Does toe nail fungus grow on cat puke? Well okay then. Science!

    We have a slot for you at NASA to work on climate change. This is a good fit.

  17. 1001. How a Happyfeet cupcake recipe changed my mind about all my previous hermeneutic theories.

  18. i’m here to serve

  19. Is #6 the kleagle hood in a snowstorm? Good times…

  20. #18 It’s perfectly clear why the Ford F-150 was the vehicle most purchased by gay Samoans with mild to moderate hearing loss in 2013. Yep. Deny it all you want.

    #23 Devil’s food cake is actually mildy poisonous to devils. Yetis get high off of the stuff though. When Yetis get high they like to put on some Zamphir music and rub your feet with their mouth. Who am I to judge them and their ancient ways ?

  21. #218 part B NASA can not explain why the desicated radiation scorched remains of four prohibition era men in what appears to be klu klux clan robes are in a stable orbit around the sun. Theories abound but the most popular one is that the so called “Greys” of Zeta Reticuli don’t take kindly when someone refuses the probe. Others suggest they may have been caught by the Mother Wheel. Whatever the hell that is.

  22. So, are we in the hospital then?

  23. Interesting. So, Vicodin was involved in this post? Vicodin is a little white pill, if I remember correctly.

    Sort of makes me wonder what a large purple pills might get us.

  24. God so loved Mankind, he created Vicodin

    Then He must not love me … Vicodin has no effect on me. :-(

    I’m a little pissed at my body chem …cuz in addition to the Vicodin thing, I discovered a month ago that whatever sedative is used for a colonoscopy does not work on me …

    even a double dose …

    … so here I am having to repeat the process.


  25. Oh Jeebus, that sounds terrible, D.


  26. #406 When the riot gets too loud you can always scavenge some rubber bullets off of the ground and put them in your ears. Unless the news is wrong again.

    #93 Mayonnaise doesn’t come in jars you know. Chinese people have to put it in jars. Because it’s a job that Americans won’t do. Our job is to take it out of the jars and send the empties back. Why must turkey be so dry?

  27. #21 Uh oh. the shoulder thing has indeed just gone up. I owe Carolyn McCarthy a big apology. Barrel shrouds are a far more complex subject than I realized. Especially on military grade cop killer ghost guns. In a lake.

  28. ‘Yikes’, indeed, Darleen. Godspeed.

    Vicodin really doesn’t work for Mrs. B either, but Percocet does.

  29. Darleen, nothing a glass of wine followed by a Jameson chaser won’t fix….

    Yeah, Darleen, I can relate. I’ve not had a colonoscopy, but, I’ve enjoyed the thrill of feeling a dentists drill and the needle stitching up a leg wound.


  30. 9,418.3: Star Trek’s Mr. Spock was based on a flamboyantly gay pool boy Gene Roddenberry once arrested during his police career, who was so traumatized at being caught reusing pool filter cartridges that he entered a dissociative state and could only speak in a high-pitched gibberish. He also had pointed ears and green blood. Leonard Nimoy told me this during a Tijuana bender and added that the unemotional demeanor he adopted as Spock was in protest of the character as originally written.

    He also told me the Takei-Shatner feud is a massive practical joke dreamed up by Grace Lee Whitney during an LSD flashback.

  31. best news I’ve heard in weeks: Ubaldo has been banished from the rotation to the bullpen, from whence I doubt he’ll be called upon very often, if sanity prevails

  32. Did someone mention 42?

  33. An ongoing list of things you will NEVER see me write on this site

    I’m glad because there is too much 6 and 9 elsewhere on the interwebs.

  34. ….is “My Little Pony” something you likely won’t write about?