August 1, 2014

Good News / Bad News

The bad news first:  “Alpha announces 1,100 layoffs at several mines“:

Eight operating affiliates of Alpha Natural Resources, Inc., including two in Boone County, have notified their employees that the coal mines and other facilities where they work are subject to being idled due to sustained weak market conditions and government regulations that have challenged the entire Central Appalachian mining industry.
In accordance with requirements of the Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification (WARN) Act, notice has been given today to approximately 1,100 employees at 11 Alpha affiliated surface mines in West Virginia, as well as preparation plants and other support operations, advising them of the expected idling of those facilities based on Alpha’s current assessment of market conditions.

Now the good news:  these 1100 serial, terrestrial rapists have been effectively castrated so that Mother Nature no longer has to endure their unwanted penetrations into her resource-rich inner regions.  This may prove disastrous for humans — after all, our energy grids are still reliant on coal, and brown outs and black outs, in addition to over a thousand newly-unemployed, may soon flood the markets — but then, humans are just carbon dioxide belching walking plagues, anyway.

No worries, though. Ebola will probably take care of a good chunk of them.  So we can get back to the paradise we were all promised — where cougars once again run wild, and we sleep quietly and contemplatively in our thatch huts.  Right up until the time we’re either wiped out by a flu or eaten by emboldened, pissed-off bears.

Utopia is nigh!

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:43am

Comments (4)

  1. What do you mean “we” monkey boy?

  2. Only nigh though. So to the extent that utopia hasn’t perfectly arrived as a universal condition for haves and have-nots alike, utopia starts looking pretty damned niggardly in the view of ordinary have-notters.

  3. Someone is not going to get a lump of coal in their stocking this Christmas.

  4. Ebola will probably take care of a good chunk of them.

    And provide jobs for UN and NGO workers everywhere, but it is not alone. We are importing more jobs for the same people daily.