July 2, 2014

Just for fun

…I’ve been Tweeting out (largely ignored) progressive 4th of July Party games.  Could be I’m the only one amused.

But amused I am!

#progJuly4partygames is the Twitter hashtag.  Or post them here.

Here’s what I’ve envisioned so far:

#progJuly4partygames: capture the flag. Then burn it. Then replace it with a bust of Noam Chomsky

#progJuly4partygames: hand out trophies to everyone. Congratulate yourselves for inclusiveness w a second trophy for everyone.

#progJuly4partygames: take Roman candles. Declare yourself Caeser. Make the neighbors across the street w Romney bumpersticker fight a tiger

#progJuly4partygames: spin the bottle. Kiss someone. Feel endless guilt about heteronormativity. Drink a hoppy beer.

#progJuly4partygames: musical thrones

#progJuly4partygames: red rover red rover just open up the damn border entirely

#progJuly4partygames: Bobbing for condoms

#progJuly4partygames: pin the tail on the murderous and imperialist military industrial complex. And of course, the Koch bros.

Let’s see what you got, scamps!

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:35am

Comments (73)

  1. See who can make the best Amanda Marcotte costume WITHOUT using a mop or more than eight cats.

  2. Mah Bongg – smoke dope from high school through grad school, winner is elected state senator.

  3. Marco Pollo – help your friends cross a Texas river in the dark.

  4. Tug of Peace – everyone pulls on the same side of a rope, and then stands around feeling proud for no discernible reason.

  5. You guys need to Tweet these! Or I’m going to start stealing them.

  6. Pin the tale on the elephant.

  7. Hand out the lyrics of The Internationale to those few guests who haven’t got it memorized: organize a group-sing!

  8. I don’t tweet – steal away.

  9. ditto don’t tweet, but caution against my productions on general principle.

  10. Cancel your backyard BBQ because a nesting pair of piping plovers were spotted there.

  11. Cook the backyard tofu patties with parabolic mirrors.

  12. Cloudy day? Go hungry!

  13. DonkeyShoes – see who can toss racism allegations closest to the nearest black conservative.

  14. Replace Gaia-slaying fireworks with some spectacular hallucinogens.

  15. It’s not stealing if we give them to you.

    Progressive Tag – everyone tries to get tagged, leading to a patchouli scented clump of flesh in the middle of the field.

    [EA – conservative Marco Pollo is basically the same – but the crossing is in the other direction…]

  16. Hobby Lobby Pinata – filled with birth control of all kinds, winner finds the white chocolate Sandra Fluke head filed with mush.

  17. Ring around the RINO – gather around someone indistinguishable from you except they call themselves ‘Republican’. Make bipartisan noises.

  18. Slightly changing Slartibartfast’s

    Pin the indictment on the Conservative: investigate your conservative citizens until you find a criminal offense.

  19. Real Progressives don’t celebrate America’s birthday, because America should have been aborted.

  20. Hold public readings from Howard Zinn. The comic book version.

    Apologize to a native American for stealing his country. Offer to make it up to him by letting him move into your neighbor’s house.

    Apologize to a black American for slavery. Offer to make it up to him by letting him move into your other neighbor’s house. Bonus points if the black American isn’t a descendant of slaves.

  21. Beets, beets, the musical eats.

    The more you eat ’em,

    The more you tweets.

  22. Ernst Schreiber says July 2, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Golf clap

  23. For those of you scoring at home, the Penguins now have three Germans on their squad.

  24. corn hole. just not the one you’re thinking of.

  25. “CornHole! The Musical!!”

    Starring Chuck Hegel.

  26. Softball – one person dresses up as “the president” (creased dress slacks or golf outfit will do) and several others play “interviewer”.

  27. The Slippery Slope & Slide: deny that the game is about what it’s obviously about. Then when it’s finished start over and deny some more.

  28. play a game of Campus sexual harassment: have spouses proposition one another, then charge the husbands with rape.

  29. Conduct a “Youthanize teh Vote !!!” sing-a-long.

  30. Outrage ! Winner is whoever can find the most trivial thing to be offended by.

  31. Tell those among the partiers deemed to have insufficient critical consciousness to go hide and seek themselves.

  32. Outrage ! Winner is whoever can find the most trivial thing to be offended by

    I am offended by not winning.

    *does victory lap*

  33. EBT Scavenger Hunt – contestants need to find 6 non-food items that must be bought with EBT card in a set time period. Extra points awarded for sex toys and non-essential car parts (e.g., naked lady mudflaps).

  34. Your definition of non-essential needs work.

    Truck Nutz® are non-essential. Those mudflaps ain’t.

  35. Those mudflaps ain’t.

    To normal people, sure, but we are talking progressives, so they are a sign of cisheteronormative patriarchal oppression not only of wymyn, but the entire LGBTLSMTASAPFUBAR community.

  36. Baby-in-the-Air 1-2-3. Babies provided by Kermit Gosnell.

  37. Capture the Flag – and then desecrate it as a symbol of jingoistic, nativistic oppression.

    This is too easy.

  38. Stage a production of “Every Slope is Slippery”, to the tune of “Every Sperm is Sacred”.

  39. I’m going to dress up as a ‘New Yorker-esque’ Fat Cat with a cigarette holder, fur coat, top hat, and monocle and then “deny women access to health care” by not giving them a $20 bill and not driving them to Walmart.

    Good luck getting that down to 140 characters though. even without the hashtag

  40. I’m going to dress up as the devil and destroy the earth by watering my lawn when it is not my night.

  41. I’m going to don a skull mask with dollar signs in the eyes and purchase groceries in a suburb with non reusable plastic bags.

  42. I’m going to punch strangers in the dick while shouting “Down with the partriarchy and their hetero rape culture”

  43. I’m going to eat a large meatza-pizza for civil rights.

  44. I’m going to insist that Notre Dame change their name because they our NOT our ladies. No one should EVER own a lady except R. Kelly because he comes from a different culture.

  45. I’m going to play pin the issue to Bush. Boko Haram? —> Bush. No more arctic ice? —-> Bush.

  46. I’m going to wear a “Detroit is not bankrupt until the unions say it’s bankrupt” t-shirt.

  47. I’m going to remind everyone that I meet that without Obamacare we’d all be fighting over transplant lungs in the streets, and that thermoses of frozen embryos must be given to the flames that the five year old may live.

  48. “Tug of Peace – everyone pulls on the same side of a rope, and then stands around feeling proud for no discernible reason.”

    Variant, the rope is tied into a circle and is rotated counter clockwise until feudalism is declared. Then people with low intersectionlity ratings (Whitey) are asked to let go of the rope and go away to make room for more deserving groups.

  49. Duck, Duck, Racist!

  50. King of the mountain of debt.

  51. Hide and seek your Constitutionally guaranteed rights.

  52. Tag you’re it who’s going to pay our contraceptives and abortifacients.

  53. Peek a boo, I see you hiding behind your narrow Supreme Court decisions.

  54. Soccer, the new football, I said “Soccer.” You will love the new football. Soccer, I said. Stop resisting the new football. Soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer football.

  55. Tether ball around your neck.

  56. Badminton blame game disastrous illegal foreign wars, destruction of the economy.

  57. Musical chairs of excuses.

  58. Dodge responsibility ball.

  59. Patty cake patty cake liberal baker is smarter than you

  60. Simon says whatever the DNC says

  61. Smack the Piñata blindly until the entire middle class spills out and everyone grabs whatever remains to fall to the ground.

  62. Rock paper scissor out the 2nd amendment from the U.S. Constitution.

  63. Blind man’s bluff about keeping your policy and your doctor if you want to.

  64. Here we go round the Mulberry occupy movement

  65. thread winner
    >Smack the Piñata blindly until the entire middle class spills out and everyone grabs whatever remains to fall to the ground.<

  66. Ring around the Rosie O’Donnell.

  67. What’s that game, if it’s a game, where a secret is whispered into one ear, then whispered to the next in class until finally the last person reveals the message that is then compared with the original message to demonstrate how much messages change by gossip and by whispering? Does that even have a name?

    I liked that game.

  68. Twenty questions about your political correctness.

  69. Did you ever play the elevation by fingertip game? That one is awesome. It demonstrates synergistic energy. Preceded by rigid ritual, like counting to ten then back down to 1, precisely, an individual laying as a board is lifted by the fingertips of participants. And it really does seem like the guy is floating upward, high above participants heads, as high as the shortest person’s arms can go, all entirely effortlessly. But the ritual must be precise, the participants yelled at by the leader in order to assure mental focus. Attention must be total.

  70. Did you ever play the bash your head against a brick wall repeatedly game until blood gushes out all over the place? That is how I feel whenever I discuss political matters with a liberal. That is a game, it seems. “find the sincerity.”

  71. “Eight slaps, no flinching.” This is a game to harden you the fuck up for the coming backlash which may involve automobile radiators moving towards you at high speed and or pneumatic harpoons.

  72. “Telephone” is what I rmember the game being called, bour3.

    So, telephone a fact to a circle of liberals and see how many it takes to turn it into a lie. Best I can come up with.