May 14, 2014

Wait. There’s something familiar about this place.

I almost feel like I’ve been here before.

Whoah. Serious deja vu, man. Or else that silver tequila I had last night is, like, totally fucking with my head.

— Which, wouldn’t be the first time. Back in ’86, while I was living in Ocean City, MD (and too young to drink, but, well, you know), I thought I’d bagged a Sasquatch.

Turns out I shot a tourist with a particularly hairy back who had gotten up at dusk to look for buried nicknacks. Guess in retrospect the metal detector and the flip flops should have given it away, but what are you gonna do, right? When confronted by a potential cryptozoological specimen able to put up a spirited fight against the Six Million Dollar Man, you plug it with a shark spear first and ask questions later.

Fortunately, the dude’s hirsute trunk was so thick with wiry fur that the thing glanced off and left nothing but a fairly substantial — though non-life-threatening — gash, just below his rib cage. And though he was pissed about it at first, when I told him about the tequila and the Sasquatch thing, he was cool, and didn’t call beach patrol or the local cops.

Though I did have to convince one of the girls who was staying with us to flash him her tits.

Man, was I ever lost back in those days. But I will say this: sometimes being off the beaten path yields some pretty spectacular stories, goatheads stuck to the bottom of your Crocs or no.

But then, I digress.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 8:47am

Comments (10)

  1. I think that dude may live in my neighborhood. He’s been sighted several times.

  2. I always make sure to share my beef jerky with him.

  3. So it doesn’t seem to me you were all that lost back in the day. But then, what is it that made me think this post could have been accompanied concomitantly by a pic of a ginormous saggy boob?

  4. Oh, man. OCMD in the 80s? Brings back hazy memories. I think it was Senior Week in ’89 that I met the most remarkable girl. Extraordinary flexibility, literally and figuratively.

    Of course it all ended in tears, but I learned a lot about life, and about myself. It would make a great after-school special, though it’d definitely have to be on one of the pay channels.

  5. Let me see if comments are working for those without the keys to the kingdom.

  6. It’s back! The blog is back! {happy dance}

  7. Digress away, man.

  8. OT, but I’m so happy that the place is familiar and up again –
    whistling past the graveyard?

  9. Are you channeling Corey Haim here?

  10. You described one of my cousins to a tee; he’d have been okay with the sasquatch thing too, as long as you offered him a shot of your tequila.