March 1, 2014

Her Exalted Highness, Empress Michelle, is just looking out for you. For your own good, of course! [Darleen Click]

Last week Michelle was on with Jimmy Fallon scolding America’s young knuckleheads for not being obedient camp followers.

Now she’s trying to help those moms, and we know that breeding among the hoi polloi is indicative of brain challenges, negotiate the scary scary place known as ….

[cue spooky music]


“So there you stood, alone in some aisle in a store, the clock ticking away at the precious little time remaining to complete your weekly grocery shopping, and all you could do was scratch your head, confused and bewildered, and wonder, is there too much sugar in this product? Is 50 percent of the daily allowance of riboflavin a good thing or a bad thing? And how on Earth could this teeny little package contain five whole servings?

This stream of questions and worries running through your head when all you really wanted to know was, should I be eating this or not? Is this good for my kids or not? And if it is healthy, how much of it should I be eating? But unless you had a thesaurus, a calculator, a microscope, or a degree in nutrition, you were out of luck. So you felt defeated, and you just gave up and went back to buying the same stuff you always buy.”

Oh save us, Michelle! You’re our only hope!

Posted by Darleen @ 2:46pm

Tags: ,

Comments (49)

  1. Sit down and STFU, Michelle.

  2. bitch has issues

  3. Amen. She should pay attention to all the pie she shoves in her mouth and leave the rest of us alone.

  4. She’s better than we are. You would do well to remember that.

  5. She wishes.

  6. Now we know why she found it impossible to keep fresh fruit and vegetables in the house on only $350,000 per year.

    Poor baby, the horrors of a well stocked supermarket. Better the Soviet model where every store seems to be selling shelves.

  7. “Mamaaaa…Vladimir is starring at me againnnn…”

    – Fatass is just treating them like they are. The Progs and their assinine media truly are just like children.

  8. Better the Soviet model where every store seems to be selling shelves.

    – And the shelves are always three sizes too small and you have to wait in line for three days for shelves.

  9. – One Hollyweird denizen talks total blasphamy.

  10. Steven Seagal is a certified nutter. On this he is right, but it’s one of those blind squirrel finds an acorn deals.

  11. Well, after reading that White House statement newrouter linked to, I sure feel relieved.

  12. Hey Michelle? They left the powers of First Lady out of the Constitution for a reason, and if want to see the reason, look in the mirror.

  13. Maybe if her idea of what constitutes “proper eating” were based on actual science instead of old wives’ tales.

    If she were revising the old FDA pyramid to unseat grains from their bottom tier, or rejecting “low fat” as good for you.

    No, she’s got the two most powerful men in the world drinking a glass of water and doing calisthenics.

  14. A joke from Venezuela that works in translation: “This government is like a bikini: Nobody knows how it stays up and everyone wants it to fall.”

  15. “….and everyone wants it to fall.”

    – Unless, of course, the Hildebeast wears one, in which case everyone within line of sight is preying gravity fails, and even the image of such a disaster is enough to make me want to bleach my eyes out.

  16. Another visual joke: “Gochos don’t play Angry Birds on their phones.”

  17. Hey, if Hillary has to forgo POTUS 2016 because she’s in ill health, who runs instead?

  18. hi joey

  19. or black dude 2.0 correy

  20. or the cherokee nation!

  21. or castro from texas. proggtards are there and queer get use to it.

  22. – As usual Yahoo didn’t get the memo, so they are dipping a toe in the “protect the limp dicks rep” articles to see if they’ll get laughed off the web or it works. So far even the morons aren’t buying it. Well once they’re forced to actually talk about Bumblefucks pussy-boi foreign policy that is.

    Typical of the CJEA (cover Jug ears ass) type of comments:

    The reason why President Obama did not intervene in Syria have more to do with domestic and international norms collected after the disaster of the Iraq War.

    – Translation: So far the rabid peacenik base has limited its activities to just chaining its protesters to the WH fence. (The lap dog media does not report on this.) But the Wan is afraid to make a single move at this point. They know they’re already in trouble for the Congress/Prez in ’16. Everything he does from here on in will be raw pandering to try to hang onto the base.

  23. It would be nice if we lived in the America that would send a few destroyers into the Caribbean to prevent Castro from sending soldiers to Venezuela.

    Or that sent some carriers into the Black Sea just to keep an eye on things.

    But that America died sometime during the second Bush 43 term.

  24. – The actual “Putin/Obama 90 minute phone call”:

    O: …”Uh,uhhh….ok….uunnnn get Putin on the phone….”

    (cell ring tone…….)

    (cell ring tone…….)

    (cell ring tone…….)

    (cell ring tone…….)


    (88 minutes later)

    (cell ring tone…….click)

    Putin: “….Zdrah-stvooy…who this izz?”

    O : …Uhhh, oh, Vlad, hey, hows zit hangin’……unnn….hey….uhh….unn… listen….we gotta….unnn, we gotta talk here… unnn….you know…. about this Keiv thing….unnn….because….unnn….well… just can’t go around sending troops in and that sort of thing…..uhhhh…..its makin’ me look bad over here after….unnn….after Syria and you know how that went, and….and that Egypt spring shit and uhhh….troops…well any troops and there will be consequences…Ah mean….uhhh… know I’d have to respond…unnn….and….Ah don wanna uuuhhh…I’d…..uuhhh”

    Putin : “….What you are saying?….You are threatening me?

    O: Unnnn…..uhhh….Noooo… Noooo….nooo….not at all…Ahm jess, unnn…..we got to come up with some other way to do this, I mean troops on the ground, common Vlad…. my base is going apeshit over here…. yah gotta cut me some slack, uhhhh…..”

    Putin : “….Nyet!”

    (click) – call ends after 2 minutes.

    – Total elapsed time, 90 minutes. (WH puts out press release on “90 minute phone call with Putin”.

  25. This .. all by itself ..proves there is no significant Global Warming or unemployment.
    The only other alternative is that Pres**ent Obama and his significant other are taking on the “little problems.”

  26. Hey, if Hillary has to forgo POTUS 2016 because she’s in ill health, who runs instead?

    She of the toned arms of course. Using the Alabama precedent.

  27. The most likely Democrat I’m seeing out there, if Hillary doesn’t run, is Christie. But he’ll run as a Republican.

  28. Just like John McCain did.

  29. The Alabama precedent was based on the Texas precedent. See Ferguson, Ma.

  30. The actual “Putin/Obama 90 minute phone call”:

    Come on, BBH! You don’t think they had a “productive conversation?”

    Shorter Putin: “Do I still look bored to you, bitch?”

  31. This coming week just keeps getting funnier and funnier: Lois Lerner reverses field and agrees to testify to House Committee.

  32. Greetings:

    I heard that Michelle Obama lost her license to practice law in a supermarket and has had them in her sights ever since.

  33. I could never be a lefty. I can’t get my head up my ass. It’s my back you see. It has a spine in it.

  34. From the grave Eva Peron looks upon Obama’s Beard with a jealous eye.

    You want to see an archetypal cult of personality? A media fawning to broadcast the most drooling, trivial inanities from a loathsome cunt who acceded to employment, and later, coercive political power through marriage and the windfall of race-baiting. A noxious harpy who, against all former precedent, demands to use her position as a means to slather herself all over any media who will lick her boots and provide a camera, and such media are only too happy to bend their knees into sticky knee pads. The substance is irrelevant. If this camwhore wanted to discuss dress shoes or cosmology, it’s all the same.

    This is not a republic, this is a rudderless ship commanded by fools who think a compass is too judgmental.

  35. This is not a republic, this is a rudderless ship commanded by fools who think a compass is too judgmental.

    Comment of the week.

  36. – Actually Lerners lawyers are disputing Issa’s claims and saying that even if she appears she’ll take the fifth, which supposidly shes already waived by making an opening statement of innocence.

    – Basically you have a rogue government worker telling congress to get fucked. Her lawyers say the only way she’ll testify is wither with a promise of total immunity, (which obviously shows shes guilty as hell) or by a court issued decision ordering her to.

    – If she forces the committees hand that way they should throw the fucking book at her when the truth finally comes out. Of course Bumblefuck is well insulated by layers of obfuscation.

  37. The gods of the copy book headings are watching appalled and confounded as we run headlong into their baseball bats again and again. They don’t even have to swing. Why are we getting their nice clean bats all dirty? This isn’t mere hubris or folly; it’s senseless absurdity. They mumble about GG Allin, DEVO, and PCP being a hell of a drug as they take pictures of the pathetic spectacle with their phones and contemplate a change of jobs. The newest of the copy book headings, a spritely intern called “DON’T DRINK BLEACH”, recently promoted from the ranks of the demi-gods of warning stickers, rejoices that he is at last to be of real use to the maddened flock,..

  38. If this were a tragedy the chorus would just be singing “What the Fuck?!” over and over again and slapping their foreheads a lot. The god who comes down in the divine chariot at the end would have a mop and pail, black and yellow striped tape, road flares, and possibly a hazmat suit.

  39. That’s what I keep thinking as I watch America destroy itself. Life is tragedy and farce, meant for the enjoyment of the gods. But mainly farce. Do you remember laughing at Spy vs. Spy when one of the spies would fall hard on the cement, right on his teeth? That’s the feeling the gods get, times 1000, as they watch Americans who had America in the palm of their hand casually and stupidly destroy it. It is hysterically funny. “Watch them finally climb out of the sewer after thousands of years and then willfully, stupidly, and viciously crawl back into it!”

  40. They do appear to lack a moral compass.

  41. The foolishness and absurdity is actually working as quite an effective mask for the evil of it all.

  42. *are actually working

  43. – From the book of life “Will they ever learn”, Obamas Peace in our time redux sets the world up for another holocaust.

  44. God what a moronic headline and article that Scott Wilson WaPo piece is. “Ukraine crisis tests blahblahblahblah”. Tests! “Proves the utter imbecility of!”, say rather, and he might have something. But no. Can’t say what the magic-shield demands be unsaid.

  45. Issuing yet another insult to Israel and to history, ClownDisaster, parodying an early Zionist rallying cry, making use of it now in the name of the anti-Zionists who want nothing less than the annihilation of Israel, says “If not now, when?” Bibi best not go all Billy Budd on ClownDisaster’s John Claggart-like forehead ass, lest AIPAC determine to hang him from a yard-arm.

  46. To echo sdferr on the idiocy of Scott Wilson (or at least his headline writer) military force is what makes diplomacy credible.

    Diplomacy over military force? What do you call a fraction whose numerator is greater than its denominator again?

  47. In fairness, she’s probably referring to the people who voted for her husband. They’d find this too difficult to navigate.