January 9, 2014

“Novelist’s Ex In Bizarre Handgun Threat Arrest”

Makes me long for the days of a shrieking Amanda Marcotte, sexist laundry basket designs, and the vagina dentata — the former two easily dismissed with an eye roll and, like, logic, while with the latter you can conceivably overcome by feeding it lots of sugary foods until  the bad bits rot out and everything works out the way it’s supposed to.

– Or the way rape is supposed to, if you listen to some very badly confused feminists.  Though I can now think of a new and better way to use the term PIV.  So for that, thanks, I guess.

(h/t geoffB)

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:14am
36 comments | Trackback

Comments (36)

  1. This may be taking concealed carry too far.

  2. and the vagina dentata

    That sounds like a Klingon character from the next Star Trek movie.

  3. There be a lot of weird stuff in Cormac McCarthy’s oeuvre. Perhaps this explains that.

  4. Another fine example of the democratization of deadly force inherent in the handgun. I mean, imagine attempting this with one of these in the days before the handgun.

  5. Janey’s got a… wait — what?

  6. imagine attempting this with one of these

    Looks just like a rhinoceros’s dingus.

  7. Man, that chick’s CCW holster is like some deleted scene from Blue Velvet.

  8. Wasn’t it Sam Kinison who used to joke that “it might as well have a trigger on it”?

  9. ..though, in truth, a snuke in the snizz is nothing new…

  10. “inner course”?

    Someone using speech-to-text somewhere in the origin of the statement?

  11. That the argument was about space aliens is what makes it so transcendent.

  12. She did win the argument over who was crazy.

  13. Not sure which is deadlier: the vagholster or the menstrual scarf.

    Today, I mean. Imagine the decomp.

  14. I wonder if this will show up on gunbroker? The well used holster or the piece? I would refrain from bidding either way.

  15. So if penetration is rape, does that make the pistol an assault weapon?

  16. That poor pistol. It’s going to have nightmares.

  17. No country for old men?

    Thank goodness for autocorrect.

  18. They don’t mention what model S&W it was. Must be one of those small frame revulvas.

  19. Did I rad that arrest report right? The boyfriend “snatched the gun away from her”.

    Heh.

  20. SW, I saw a laddy wearing your tartan at the Walmart today.

  21. Does one need to take one’s dentata to the dentist for twice-yearly cleaning? Do they use the steel hook?

  22. Jings! Crivens! An Oakie relative. I thought there was a cluster of us in Nebraska, but I didn’t know we had any soft southern kin.

  23. He was kitted out, he was. Sporting a proper beard, too.

  24. Does one need to take one’s dentata to the dentist for twice-yearly cleaning? Do they use the steel hook?

    No, just a douche with Hoppe’s No. 9 Bore Cleaner will do.

  25. But the sales materials say it “penetrates deep” and is “ultra-potent.” I’m thinking you’d better be careful with that stuff, lest you wind up suffering the very curse the dentata was installed to prevent!

  26. Sorry, but I am reminded of the old joke: “If your mother had been here, we could have saved the luggage, too!”

  27. Out of context punchlines are great. Wish I could think of a good one…

  28. As I said previously,:

    You’re doing it wrong!

    Do you mean the carrying a firearm or the masturb…

    YES!

  29. Happiness is a warm gun.

    All firearms are rape, or something.

    I guess there was one in the chamber.

    Smith and Wesson?

    Thank goodness it wasn’t a Colt Anaconda.

  30. The horrible thing is now I wonder if there isn’t an after market for a vagina-safe front sight or gun shaped sex toys. Why world? Why do you intrude on my ignorance so?.

  31. [G]un shaped sex toys

    Click, don’t click, NSFW.

  32. Why Geoff B? Why do the world, and now you, intrude on my ignorance so? I have only so many dutch boy fingers with which to plug the holes in the protective dyk…oh…I denounce myself.

  33. My work here is done then.

  34. “I am reminded of the old joke: “If your mother had been here, we could have saved the luggage, too!”

    The one I remember: “Forget your flashlight, help me find my keys and we’ll drive out!”

  35. “Honey. Come here. I need my Smith and Wesson.”

  36. I never understood the vagina dentata thing. It’s like being afraid of explosive teeth or someone shooting you with their finger-gun or having ear lobes that can taze people.

    Folks, there are no X-men walking among us. Yeah, I’m pretty sure.

    I’m a bit confused out by the whole “penis is a weapon” thing too. I have one and it does not make me feel better at all when I’m in danger. It tends to attempt to hide during trauma. I think BO is a better defense. I get the whole “no body likes a rapist except sometimes Woopi Goldberg” thing but a wimpy man with a big cock and a boner is going to lose most fights. Priapus is said to have beat a donkey to death with his wing-wong but he was a crude god, a divine superhuman being. Dudes can’t pull that off unless the donkey is the size of a gumi bear. Most apes have comparatively tiny penises. Weirdos who write “erotic” fiction about being sex with gorillas should know that gorillas have tiny penises. So do chimps.

    This is science!(TM) by consensus because it appeared on slate, and might even be science too.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/12/average_penis_size_human_penises_are_huge_compared_to_other_primates.html

    A male chimp is vastly stronger than a human male and faster and often better coordinated. A male chimp will hit harder, faster and probably first. They can pull a human limb off and have been known to eat human faces when upset.

    A male chimp has a tiny penis, compared to a human penis. A human sized penis would not increase its advantage. The penis is irrelevant.

    Penises are NOT weapons. Penises are bullshit in a fight. Use knives, guns, baseball bats, spears, and explosives in a fight, or maybe boiling water or fire if you have some and a way to get it where it needs to go.

    Any species that fights with its genitalia is probably going to get a frown from Darwin.

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