a CITIZEN JOURNALIST enjoys his first FREE ObamaCare Pap Smear
I don’t really know what it is, this pap smear thingie — and my OBGYN seemed to have a hard time figuring out what to do or where to scrape — but even though whatever she ended up doing hurt like the dickens (but don’t worry, I’m fairly certain I’m cervical cancer free; I just used my free health care as a precautionary measure), it was worth it.
Because it was free.
And, well, you know how it is with we Jews.
Next up: protein wisdom goes in for an ultrasound to see if he’s pregnant, regardless of what the lying blood tests and the recalcitrant pee strips keep telling me. The fact of the matter is, this month I’m feeling like a very fertile young woman trapped in the body of a middle-aged, stocky patriarchal oppressor, and I have a gut feeling that I may be carrying my own child, no matter what these so-called “doctors” have to say. After all, who are they to dictate what kind of care I need or deserve as my human right?
Those decisions more properly belong to the government. And as they’re too busy trying to figure out how to keep a website up and running, I figure now is as good a time as any to sneak in some superfluous tests and rule out all sort of illnesses or, in the case of a pregnancy, punishments.
Plus there’s that free thing again.
Turns out not having a full-time gig has its perks! From the bottom of my emotionally-realized uterus, Obama, thank you!