T-shirt / bumpersticker ideas: “The government shut down and all I got was…”
1. this welcome respite from nannystate meddling into everything from my shower head to the puddles in my back yard.
2. greenhouse gas poisoning, though the symptoms won’t show up until the government re-opens and tells me how damaged I’ve been by water vapor and human exhalation
3. more profound idiocy from Davids Brooks and Frum
4. this lousy teabagging
5. the chance to use a potato-chip dispensing vending machine without feeling guilty!
6. peace and fucking quiet
7. really affordable handjobs from furloughed administrative assistants at the Department of whatever
8. an unregulated picnic, which I somehow managed to live through
9. the chance to live my dream of being a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic, nativist extremist anarchist with terrorist and arsonist tendencies — with no one around to send me to re-education classes!
10. a bunch of 15-round magazines for my assault rifle and my tac 45
11. a lecture on why I should care.
12. 40 acres and a mule. Though I had to steal them from a sharecropper.
13. the crazy idea that PBS and NPR must somehow be considered essential government services.
14. Shingles. I blame the Republicans!
15. an opportunity to paint my house without crazily being forced to put my ladder on a tarp, lest I be compelled to either fall and injure myself or pay a regulatory fine
16. a PopTart bitten in to the shape of a gun. Which I gave to my son. And let him blast away around the neighborhood until every house was sprayed with imaginary blueberry bullets.
17. an iPod filled with Obama’s speeches. Which I’m quite sure I never ordered. Stupid Amazon.
18. even more national debt!
19. a final chance to see my own doctor, and have somebody familiar to me stick a finger in my ass.
20. a remarkably normal and uneventful day, during which the sky didn’t fall, the economy didn’t collapse, the stock market didn’t tank, and the world kept right on spinning. Imagine!
Feel free to add your own.