May 31, 2005
If instead of going On The Road, famed Beat writer Jack Kerouac spent the early 1950s as an Ivy League English professor specializing in Victorian literature

Kerouac:  “…Of course, the title itself is ironic.  I mean, Pip, you’ll recall, never does lay his frank and beans on Estella, and Miss Havisham’s ruined coos, symbolized by the dusty, cobwebbed room in which she keeps herself, is a rotting nest of spite and regret—so, y’know, it ain’t like Pip is gonna hit that shit, either…”

40 Comments  :::   Post a comment »

  1. Comment by me on 5/31 @ 9:24 pm #

    Ewwww!

  2. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 5/31 @ 9:34 pm #

    Burroughs: “If you knew how to properly read the novel as it was intended, that is to say, between the lines, you’d know that the real story has little to do with that dreadful Miss Havisham or that manipulating slut Estella.. It was in fact a story of a randy older man such as myself, named Magwitch who lived a criminal life among the drug addicts and whores and kept a beautiful young pony boy named Philip (Pip) on the side for his personal pleasure.. The actual theme would have been more obvious if he’d written in a few jissom drinking mugwumps.. or if Pip had shot Estella in the head while playing William Tell, or something..

  3. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 5/31 @ 9:37 pm #

    Oh.. and the original first edition had little pictures of monkeys playing bagpipes in the borders.. what does that tell you ?

    Turing word: held

    Yes, they ‘held’ their bagpipes…

  4. Comment by gail on 5/31 @ 9:45 pm #

    Hey, Barkis was willing.

  5. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 5/31 @ 9:53 pm #

    Hey Gail..its not too late to change the topic of your thesis.. change it to something like;

    Was Barkis Really Willing ? : A Multicultural Perspective

    no one would dare fail anything with multicultural in the title… probably wouldnt even have to defend it..

  6. Comment by Jeff Goldstein on 5/31 @ 9:58 pm #

    I completed my course work, passed comps, finished the dissertation, won a few fiction awards…but I’m not getting my PhD because I don’t know a foreign language well enough to fulfill the language requirement.

    Luckily, though, I DO get to pay back the 80K I owe in school loans. 

    No chance my kid is going to college.

  7. Comment by CraigC on 5/31 @ 10:02 pm #

    Unless your time code is wrong, Jeff, I’m now living in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

  8. Comment by JWebb on 5/31 @ 10:04 pm #

    The wouldn’t accept your fluent Pig Latin? Bastards!

  9. Comment by JWebb on 5/31 @ 10:08 pm #

    . . . yet it could have been worse; you could’ve gotten a degrees in Greek and Theology to help in your liquor store management career.

  10. Comment by skinbad on 5/31 @ 10:14 pm #

    What “Me” said. Now I’m thinking of the moldy wedding cake in a new, unwelcome way. Thanks a lot.

  11. Comment by gail on 5/31 @ 10:16 pm #

    Fuck academia, Jeff. My spam word is LIFE.

  12. Comment by CraigC on 5/31 @ 10:19 pm #

    I’ll tell everyone at your school you said that, Gail.

  13. Comment by Mike Caldwell on 5/31 @ 10:20 pm #

    ….or a degree in Fine Arts to snag that phat “Deck The Walls” franchised store.

  14. Comment by gail on 5/31 @ 10:39 pm #

    See if you can find any of them who disagree with me, Craig.

  15. Comment by Sean M. on 5/31 @ 11:25 pm #

    I don’t think they celebrate Daylight Savings Time in Colorado.

    Or maybe it’s a Jewish thing…

  16. Comment by Sean M. on 5/31 @ 11:29 pm #

    That was directed at Craig who, I’m sure, does not reside in the Pacific Ocean.

  17. Comment by Mike Beversluis on 6/1 @ 12:42 am #

    Hit it; quit it; said I never did it; my thesis, that is.

  18. Comment by CraigC on 6/1 @ 2:26 am #

    And more importantly, Sean, I’m not Jewish.

  19. Comment by Sean M. on 6/1 @ 2:46 am #

    I was talking about our humble Hebrew host, Craig.

  20. Comment by CraigC on 6/1 @ 3:10 am #

    I KNOW THAT, silly.  Just tryin’ to piggy-back on the joke.

  21. Comment by Sean M. on 6/1 @ 3:34 am #

    I’m pretty sure piggy-backing is also right out.  Not kosher.

  22. Comment by CraigC on 6/1 @ 4:16 am #

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…I love me some pig!

  23. Comment by JWebb on 6/1 @ 5:24 am #

    What! We helped get you an Apple G128 dual core technologies knock-your-dick-in-the-dirt flaming ass computer and you think we can’t help you put a dent in your measly 80K government guaranteed student loans?!

    Alright. Maybe not. Work on the packaging.

  24. Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 6/1 @ 6:26 am #

    Ginsberg: But enough of that breeder stuff. Let’s roll out some Wilde, shall we?  And looky, some Aubrey Beardsley illustrations!  Hot-diggity-DAYum!

  25. Comment by Sean M. on 6/1 @ 7:35 am #

    LeRoi Jones: “And who told Fagin to stay at home from the Twin Towers that day?”

  26. Comment by Carin on 6/1 @ 11:48 am #

    Jeff, I’ve ALMOST finished paying my loans off.  That gives me a measly seven years to save for my firstborn’s college experience. I don’t know WHAT the other four are going to do. Do you think I can “home school” college as well?

  27. Comment by BLT in CO on 6/1 @ 12:45 pm #

    Carin: if as teenagers, you can impress upon your kids that they actually know almost nothing about *anything*, you’ll have successfully home-schooled them through the most important lesson college teaches.  (IMHO)

    Jeff: $80k and no doctorate due to a language requirement?  Serious suckage indeed.  Could your wife, assuming she’s 1st or 2nd generation, teach you passable Japanese?  (Like you haven’t considered all your options already)

    After reading a few James Clavell books I could affect several Asiatic languages fairly poorly, yet enough to annoy my spouse.

    “Konnichi wa, Anjin san?”

  28. Comment by SarahW on 6/1 @ 1:14 pm #

    Swedish is a pretty fun language. In fact, it’s hilarious…. I’m just saying.

    You can pretend you are that muppet when you talk and it comes out right.  “heunda bleunda kakelugnar! Hej Hej! jag vill pussas med dig…ska vi?

  29. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 6/1 @ 1:22 pm #

    Hey, lets get together and form a university co-op online, and issue our own degrees. Why home school when you can “distance learn” … I mean, degrees from Ivy League schools are special because they represent a membership in an exclusive club.. But degrees from non-Ivy league schools? Those are E-Tickets to better employment.

    Jeff.. On the language thing.. Think Ebonics.. You can learn it quickly just by watching MTV or BET… Drive over to East Colfax and hang with the Homies to fine tune your accent. Then throw that in your Phd committee’s face and dare them to disallow it.. Just dare them. If youre talking about U of C, talk to Ward first.. He’d make a good advisor.

  30. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 6/1 @ 1:25 pm #

    Just tryin’ to piggy-back on the joke

    If youre going to ”piggy-back”, I hope you at least give your ride a reach-around.

  31. Comment by MC on 6/1 @ 3:38 pm #

    Foreign language requirement? Pah! You’ve got an honorary PhD in Humorous Letters already…

  32. Comment by Lars on 6/1 @ 10:33 pm #

    Burroughs: Shoot the bitch and write a book. That’s what I did.

  33. Comment by Alpha Baboon on 6/2 @ 2:03 pm #

    Dude.. Just write a few cheesey formulaic Romance Novels under some hokey pen name.. Put a pic of Fabio as the protagonist on the cover and cash in on the lowest common denominator soft core sex entertainment market in this country. Pay off your loans.. Set aside some bucks for your little gamboler’s education.. Then go back to real writing.

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