December 10, 2012

lessons for negotiating zombie apocalypse black market deals, 1

Just because a guy has a really sweet beard, a pleasing drawl, and is all decked out in camo doesn‘t mean his willingness to trade you “25 delicious squirrel tacos” for “a quick go at your wife” is a good deal.

— Although it doesn’t mean it isn’t, either.

You’re a free man.  Weigh your options.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:55am
32 comments | Trackback

Comments (32)

  1. Please, for the love of all that is holy (and not), don’t explain how this bit of musing happened to cross your mind.

  2. It is a good deal. My wife would gut him like a fish and heat up those tacos by the time I got my hands washed for dinner.

  3. “Black market”?

    RACIST!

  4. In zombie movies the camo-wearing rural and/or military dudes are always the bad guys.

  5. Please, for the love of all that is holy (and not), don’t explain how this bit of musing happened to cross your mind.

    I don’t know. A little bit of back story may be helpful. For instance,when Jeff uses the phrase “sweet beard” are we talking about natural growth or did the dude groom his beard like it was some sort of bonsai tree? Quite frankly, I’ve never trusted the latter. Except for a soul patch. You can always trust those guys.

  6. So I take it we’re still relatively early in the post apocalyptic era here and have yet to shed our quaint 21st century notions about sex?

    I mean, this is one of the tribe’s breeders we’re talking about. Your seriously contemplating letting a stranger’s dna into your tribe for a such a low price?

    I guess maybe I could understand it if you were looking to get rid of an extra female, but even then, she ought to be worth more than 25 squirrel tacos.

    Unless she was a hunchback or something.

  7. I am a free man. Which is why I am going to wait for no. 2 in the series before I invest any emotional currency in the characters.

  8. ‘Saved about 2 grand on a 6000 gallon water tank on the cash market last month. I saw it in a guy’s backyard and made an offer. He said, “Aye,” and delivered the tank that afternoon.

    No diesel tax! No sales tax! No waiting! No “mother-may-I’s?!” Just a good tank for an agreed-upon sum delivered in a timely fashion. Period.

    Next on my list is a 500 gallon used propane tank and a mail-order bride. In that order.

    Gosh! What if the “white” economy worked as well as the “black” one can?

  9. It’s a trap!

    Squirrels are best in stew.

  10. And here I was merely wondering about the guy’s hominy processing, and whether he’d got rid of any and all the free lye in the meal? Or maybe better, if he knows a good source for pickling lime?

  11. Fricasee, northern boy. Not stew.

  12. Heh, I stand corrected, SW.

  13. 25 squirrel tacos for one fish taco? What? From whose perspective are we judging the goodness of the deal?

  14. Anything is good in a stew. Even sweet beard camo types.

    (What? Post apocalyptic, man! Squirrels won’t last a moon! )

  15. I ain’t sure, but I think fricasee is just a ten dollar word for gravy, in which case I agree with SW.

  16. If my husband offered to trade my virtue for a mess of tacos, both the taco trader and the husband would be in smoldering ruins.

  17. See leigh, that’s why I wouldn’t tell the wife about the deal. I’d just send him in, start a fire, and hope his boots are my size.

  18. Some tacos are pretty damn good, leigh.

  19. Heh. I like your thinking, Lee.

  20. A taco isn’t a hill worth dying on, SW.

  21. You can only eat a squirrel taco once, McGehee.

  22. Guess it depends on who is doing the dying, leigh.

    If it is the other guy, then maybe….

    And it depends on whether it is corn or flour tortillas….

  23. Pablo, I’ve heard they taste better the second time.

    I took the speaker’s word for it…

  24. A taco isn’t a hill worth dying on, SW.

    Depends on the taco, and whether it’s a little death or the other kind.

    What?

  25. Why is he negotiating with you again? You don’t have a quick go at your wife to trade, that’s her property. Unless you are her agent in which case you get maybe 20% of the tacos tops? And then you have to pay your woods taxes on that for being in the Groom Swamp Territory and not wanting to have your legs set on fire per the revenue code.

  26. “Pablo says December 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm
    You can only eat a squirrel taco once, McGehee.”

    Ideally.

  27. “No diesel tax! No sales tax! No waiting! No “mother-may-I’s?!” Just a good tank for an agreed-upon sum delivered in a timely fashion. Period.”

    You’d better get that tank updated to liters pronto so your UN overlords can understand the value of the asset you hold, and figure it into their global utopia plans.

  28. Bitch better have my tacos is all I can say.

  29. Squirrels baked in a good corn chowder are to die for. In tacos I think you’d lose the delicate flavor of the meat.

  30. Ideally.

    +1

  31. Welcome back, Jeff!

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