October 9, 2012

“ALLSTATE: Obese Drivers Lowering Fuel Efficiency”

Obama was right:  it’s all about tire pressure.  Moreover, Michelle was right:  we can’t have fat people out there being all fat if we want a clean, fuel-efficient, healthy, and aesthetically pleasing world free of obese people, be they in cars or on streets or (god forbid) in her line of vision.


Allstate Insurance says as new cars get lighter, drivers are heavier — and the result is lower fuel efficiency at a time when the government is demanding better mileage.

“Federal regulators are requiring 54.5 MPGs for cars and trucks by 2025. But even as the automotive industry goes to extremes to shed  weight to meet these rules, heavier drivers are adding unexpected pounds. And that impact fuels consumption,” says a blog on the Allstate website, as noted by the Chicago Tribune.

According to the blog, “the weight gain of Americans is blamed for more than 1 billion gallons of wasted fuel each year.”

Allstate, in conjunction with Cars.com, created an “infographic” to”document what it calls the complex struggle between fuel efficiency and passenger weight.

It says that between 1962 and 2002, one billion gallons of gasoline a year could be attributed to the weight gain of people riding in non-commerical vehicles. Every hundred pounds equals one fewer mile to the gallon.

As carmakers continue to reduce the weight of passenger vehicles, the only unknown is whether U.S. obesity will continue its upward trend, the infographic concludes.

Clearly there is but one answer to this problem, and no, it’s not “get the government to stop arbitrarily changing CAFE standards without the technology to make such changes safe or viable, but in the meantime compelling us all to drive around in the motor vehicle equivalent of a Mountain Dew can.”  Because WHY DO YOU HATE FUEL EFFICIENCY?

No, the answer is bullet trains and — if Americans insist on keeping their cars — some sort of national diet or exercise program to shed those pounds to lower the cargo weight of motor vehicles.  For clean air and clean water!

I can picture it now:  parks filled with fat Americans in their bedazzled sweat suits dancing to the oldies each morning at dawn, then fed from government “suggested” menus, which will limit — but not restrict — choice (this is, after all, a free country), as well as keep portion sizes in line with parameters laid out by government health care guidelines.

But you do have a choice:  you can give up your free health care, should you not wish to comply with “common sense rules” for “healthy living”; and you can also give up your driver’s license, driving being a privilege and not a right, because your selfish obesity is contributing to pollution and waste — not to mention, giving Mayor Michael Bloomberg the fucking creeps.

Mix in a salad, would you, middle America?  For Chrissakes?  That’s not government taking away your liberties. That’s government looking out for the collective interests of its citizens. For the greater good.

Now stop being so selfish. Sometimes, you gotta eat your peas.


Posted by Jeff G. @ 8:47am

Comments (13)

  1. I’d like to read some commentary on the hundreds of safety features required to (hopefully) keep one from dying in one of these soda can cars. Cars have gotten lighter and lighter over the past 25 years and when struck in an accident are not repairable any longer.

    Like many of us here, the newest car (actually pick-up) I own is 12 years old and our others are between 20-25 years old. My youngest child is on the cusp of getting his driver’s license and I like the idea of him being surrounded by a lot of heavy gauge metal and real bumpers that aren’t bumper caps made of plastic.

    The fatness? That’s the business of the people behind the forks, not mine or the governement’s or Allstate’s.

    *Pro tip: Deer whistles do not work, my Outlaw friends who are menaced by Bambi. If you are in a body shop or wrecking yard, glance around for the bumpers with deer whistles attached to crushed cars.

  2. “You’re in good hands”, they just won’t be your own to select, comrade.

  3. The safety regulations take a huge toll in terms of weight, leigh. My 1986 GTI had a curb weight of 2,100 lbs; a 2012 Fiat 500 Abarth has a curb weight of 2,500 lbs despite being a foot shorter but otherwise dimensionally similar.

    Another thing that keeps adding weight to new cars? In-car entertainment. Consider a video screen (or several) tuner, dvd player, satellite radio tuner, lots of speakers, and GPS vs a simple cassette deck and a couple of speakers in the doors.

  4. This is why some of the Nascar guys don’t like Danica Patrick: they fear that since she weighs less than they do her car is going to have built in mileage or acceleration advantages. Next thing we know they’ll be packing extra lead into her car to make up the difference, like with horse-jockeys.

  5. Good thing Danica is retiring. It will save them having to plot shenanigans to make things fair.

  6. Wait, what makes you think she’s retiring? Haven’t heard any such thing myself.

  7. I don’t follow NASCAR very carefully, but I heard that she was going to quit and persue other avenues.

    What those avenues are, I couldn’t tell you.

  8. You heard a fairy tale then. So far as I know, she’s entering her first full season of Sprint Cup next year.

  9. Don’t they pack the cars up to a certain minimum weight already? I thought they made ’em lighter than the rules say they can be so they can move weights around to adjust the weight distribution and hence the handling balance for roundy-round tracks vs. road circuits.

  10. That’s certainly possible, sdferr. I’m glad I was wrong about that.

  11. Yes, Jim, they use weights to bring the car up to minimum weight. However, the weight of the driver is not considered.

  12. Hey ALLSTATE! Guess what? You don’t want my dirty fat money then I won’t send it to you. I just canceled my policy and went with 21st Century. Because FUCK banks and insurance companies. Do they think I have any affection for ’em or something?

  13. It says that between 1962 and 2002, one billion gallons of gasoline a year could be attributed to the weight gain of people riding in non-commerical vehicles. Every hundred pounds equals one fewer mile to the gallon.

    K, I’m calling bullshit on that one. Unless they’re using an average, and that ain’t fair.

    Totally depends on the vehicle. A 400 lb person driving a Prius might hurt, but I’ve put 500 lbs in my Silverado and didn’t lose one mile to the gallon, much less five. Same with my ’88 DeVille.