Not in the racist way, of course, but, well — just go with it.
New theory: Obama lost the first debate as part of a larger strategy to win the next two (presumably after Biden is left sputtering for some absurd hyperbole by Paul Ryan and his magic slide rule of freedom).
Obama is playing three-dimensional chess on a holographic, tritium-illuminated chess board made from a space-aged combination of supercompressed Solyndra-designed solar panels and the recycled excess carbon exhalation of the polluting masses too dumb to recognize his long-war strategy, a board so advanced that only he (and I) can see it — all while stupid, ill-informed, Republicans (and, disappointingly, a lot of very very smart progressives) believe Romney scored some “victory” rather than what he actually did. Which was set himself up for the colossal upbraiding he’s going to receive next time, now that Obama has cagily — and with the mastery of a seasoned poker player — coaxed the dull ex-Governor to reveal his laundry list of lies. Cards on the table. All in!
Romney’s win was at a game of checkers, or a single hand of cards. Obama’s genius is that he’s playing celestial chess as a grand game of high stakes, all-night poker — and Romney doesn’t even know it. Nor do the stupid stupid Republicans who follow him. Or the very very smart progressives who fell pray to the same post-election spin that so emboldened the very very stupid Republicans. But that’s an anomaly, that synchronicity of misreading. Because progressives tend to be very very smart, while Republicans are very very dumb. So. QED.
Anyway, this gambit — having Romney expose his ugly, twitchy Queen and her gaggle of bitchy, aristocratic lies — gives Obama license to come out next time as his likable and confident self — who among us, for instance, didn’t have our hearts are warmed recently by the brave and candid concern the One was willing to show, in a 2007 speech punctuated in godly gesticulations and cadence of a man possessed of a love of justice, for those in New Orleans whom the Republicans left to rape and then eat each other in the Superdome after Bush caused Hurricane Katrina? — and we’ll almost certainly hear all about the 47% gaffe from Romney, for which the confused and now falsely confident GOP hairpiece will be entirely unprepared to respond.
And even if he does, what can he possibly reveal about Obama that the typical American debate watcher doesn’t already know — a benefit of running the most transparent campaign ever, and of having a media that vets every candidate carefully and thoroughly?
Obama is now unshackled. If Mitt Romney can lie, Obama — in keeping with his notorious pragmatism — will recognize the importance of lying and will beat the amateurish Romney at his own game.
Checkmate full house straight flush!
(But if that doesn’t work, don’t forget to stuff the shit out of the ballot boxes!)