March 13, 2005

Scenes from my driveway, continued x 54

Deadbeat neighbor: “Man, when I was out here yesterday in my t-shirt and sandals, I never thought I’d be spending today shoveling 4 inches of snow off the sidewalk.”

Me:  “8 inches, actually.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “No, 4 inches.  Just heard it on the news.”

Me:  “Uh huh. But if you want to use my shovel, you’re going to have to clear my walk, too.  And 4 plus 4 makes 8…”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 9:25pm

Comments (68)

  1. Don’t tell your neighbor but all the snow is melting off my sidewalk already.

    Thank god for global warming.

  2. And did that work?

  3. Eh, just clobber him with it.

  4. Um, did you get Jeff Gannon to help you measure that 8”?  Of snow I mean.

  5. OH! You boyz and your internet inches. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    Yea, you’re all 14”, I know.


  6. I don’t know about 14”, but they do seem to be 14 at heart.

  7. Someday, they’ll learn that it’s all in the technique.  Size doesn’t matter.

  8. Shhh, Diana. We don’t want them getting complacent….

  9. They’re already way too complacent.

    Just stirrin’ the pot!

  10. Ok, for the millionth time, size does matter.  “You don’t have to have a big cock to satisfy a woman,” and “size doesn’t matter,” are two completely different concepts.  The former is undoubtedly true, the latter is ridiculous.

  11. Boy … they get pretty defensive .. real quick!

  12. Quoth Lorelei (from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes): “A man being rich[ly endowed] is like a girl being pretty. You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help?”

  13. Hmmm…I would have thought agreeing with that would constitute being defensive.  Oh, you’re right, what was I thinking? I’m subconciously woried about my manhood…which means I’m probably gay….NO WONDER i’ve been thinking about Jeff Gannon so much lately!

  14. EXACTLY, Gail.  It’s the cherry on the sundae.

  15. Great posts, Jeff.  We actually had a pretty good hailstorm in Mississippi today and the temp was about 75.  And even though it ain’t the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean; you never would set to sea in a canoe.

    Spammer word:  Herself; as in God, herself says size matters.

  16. Wow, where’d I just drop into?? I’ve got 3 hours to go on my cialis injection and all this ether to wade about with… whoaaa nelly… give me the jammin’ helmet I’m ready to take take on Terry Lynch… but I digress… wink

  17. Jeff, When you wrote this post, with the eight inches reference and all, did you know what the conversation was going to degenerate into? Are you truly the Puppetmaster? Or are you actually controlled by the Turing machine?

  18. OF COURSE he did, Gail.  That was the first thing I thought of, because, as you know, I’m really good at the obvious jokes.  I was thinking, wow, I hope nobody’s done that one yet. cheese

  19. We actually got 6” in Denver, Gail.  But 6 + 6 doesn’t equal 8”, no matter how you, er, CUT it…

  20. You are a clever devil Goldstein. You toy with us like a cat with leeeeeetle mousies.

  21. Do you guys cut your snow in Denver?  Because I really hate it when people step on my snow.

  22. Yeah, I can’t help it.

  23. Doesn’t snow cause “shrinkage”??

    ps. my “submit the word” was rather….  is that a trick question??

  24. Yes, it does.  For me, anyway.  Crystal is the way to go.

  25. Crystal is the way to go.

    Speed Kills.

  26. Or, these days, Cialis. LOL

  27. Speed only kills if you’re a fucking moron.

  28. My mother would be proud of my ability to self edit.

    [ironically, and who doesn’t love “ironically”, my “submit the word” is “Class”.]

    Karma is a good thang.

  29. Slow down, CC.

  30. Oh, and speed doesn’t kill, differential speed kills.

  31. Speed only kills if you’re a fucking moron.

    Slow down, killer.

  32. Was that a shot, Tom?

  33. Well, yeah, it’s the sudden stop that kills ya.

  34. Craig:

    Who knows.  I feel like I treading water at the Hungry I with Neal Cassady, Jack Kerouac and Stan Getz in audience… how am I doin’…

  35. Why is everyone suddenly concerned about how fast I’m going??

  36. You’re doing fine, Tom, just concentrate on the major chords.

  37. I play bongos.

  38. Can’t help ya there.

  39. CC – you’re getting off topic.  We were discussing the pros and cons of “buying your own shovel”.

  40. you’re getting off topic

    Yipes; does that brings back memories… and that someone would even bring up the topic of snow during the most virulent period of GLOBAL WARMING in the HISTORY OF MAN a tragic misuse of etherspace.

    Save the etherspace

  41. Wow, Diana, you do have a long memory.  If it helps any, my contribution has been to show that I can really shovel it.

  42. Snow, that is.

  43. OK; well, at least save Brit Hume.

  44. As I remember, we were talking about the complacency of the general population over concerns that Denver got only 4”.  But Jeff corrected the measure to 6” … and at this time of year!

  45. It seems to me, if it only snowed 4″s in Denver, that one would only need a trowel.

  46. Well, according to a recent study, the actual average snowfall in Denver is 4”.  The conventional wisdom had been for years that it was 6”, but that has since been disproven.  For what it’s worth.

  47. Same thing happened with me and my neighbor last week. Eventually, I caught his drift.

  48. For what it’s worth.

    Without the Stephen Stills guitar solo (wah wah peddle in full wah) it’s not worth nearly as much.

  49. Will you please stop it, JW?  You’re killing me.

  50. Well, it’s a little early for this as a general rule, but here we go:

    CRANK IT UP!!!! cheese

    Ridin’ down the highway

    Goin’ to a show

    Stop in all the by-ways

    Playin’ rock ‘n’ roll

    Gettin’ robbed

    Gettin’ stoned

    Gettin’ beat up

    Broken boned

    Gettin’ had

    Gettin’ took

    I tell you folks

    It’s harder than it looks

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

    If you think it’s easy doin’ one night stands

    Try playin’ in a rock roll band

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

    Hotel, motel

    Make you wanna cry

    Lady do the hard sell

    Know the reason why

    Gettin’ old

    Gettin’ grey

    Gettin’ ripped off


    Gettin’ sold

    Second hand

    That’s how it goes

    Playin’ in a band

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

    If you wanna be a star of stage and screen

    Look out it’s rough and mean

    It’s a long way to the top

    If you wanna rock ‘n’ roll

  51. I think that song came out during my “jazz phase” – was that ZZ Top??

  52. Yes, exactly.  They were called “The ZZ Top of Australia.”

  53. Tiny Kangaroo down, boy… wink

  54. Still miss you, Bon.  You dumn fuck.

  55. Listen; I live in the land that Nixon once called home. For me to be involved in a snow-based conversation is just not right.

    Frankly, I think it’s only fair that I admit I’m a liar…. a creepy, creepy LIAR.

    Although Big Bear is not that far away – and I’ve been known to ski local, and……

  56. Adieu

  57. AHA!!  SoCal boy.

  58. So, how much is Sondra paying you to post over there? wink

  59. She pays with small parts of her large soul.

    But, from what I can tell, she’s a “Soul Survivor”.

    Sour Survivor

    When the waters is rough The sailing is tough

    I’ll get drowned in your love You’ve got a cut throat crew

    I’m gonna sink under you I got the bell bottom blues,

    It’s gonna be the death of me. It’s the graveyard watch,

    Running right on the rocks, I’ve taken all of the knocks.

    You ain’t giving me no quarter. I’d rather drink sea water,

    I wish I’d never had brought you, It’s gonna be the death of me.

    Soul survivor, soul survivor. Soul survivor, soul survivor. Soul


    soul survivor. Soul survivor, soul survivor,

    Gonna be the death of me, It’s gonna be the death of me.

    When you’re flying your flags All my confidence sags,

    You got me packing my bags. I’ll stowaway at sea,

    You make me mutiny, Where you are I won’t be,

    You’re gonna be the death of me.

  60. Don’t you people have anything else to do?

  61. You’re posting, aren’t you??  And no, I don’t have anything else to do while I wait for my internet honey to reply.  (She says she’s 36-22-36!!!

  62. Well, my internet honey is 36-24-37, and I really think we’re a match made in heaven. 

    I want to meet up with her soon, and I’d like to take her someplace nice, but I left my wallet in El Segundo.

  63. CC – that was a .38 and a .22

  64. Probably her locker combination.

  65. No, we were talking caliber.