September 29, 2012

One Term to Serve: Resurrected and Reimagined [McGehee]

A while back on my own site I wrote a few posts called “One Term to Serve,” a look inside the Obama White House. Here I offer a revival of that series, reimagined for the last few weeks of the 2012 campaign.

Dramatis Personae:

Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm, mmm, mmm), President of the United States; portrayed by Chairface Chippendale

Joseph Robinette Biden, Vice President of the United States; portrayed by Spongebob Squarepants

Michelle Obama, First Lady of the United States; portrayed by Peter Mayhew

Jay Carney, Press Secretary of the United States; portrayed by Chris Matthews

TOTUS, Teleprompter of the United States; portrayed by a 13″ B&W Zenith, built c. 1967

Scene: The Oval Office. Biden, Carney and TOTUS are present.

 

Carney: “The press will probably ask about the latest developments in the Middle East.”

Biden: “Hey, you know what happens when you show a Middle Easterner the sole of your shoe?”

TOTUS: “What makes you think they’ll ask about the Middle East?”

Carney: “Okay, they won’t. Tapper might.”

TOTUS: “So don’t call on him.”

Carney: “He’ll get pissy if I don’t call on him once in a while.”

TOTUS: “So let him get pissy. What the fuck do we care?”

Biden: “It’s not a big fucking deal.”

Carney: “He’s the only one who won’t make me pay for all his drinks at the Press Club.”

TOTUS: “Suck it up. Paying for a whore’s drinks is your job.”

Carney: “Then why don’t I ever get any — ?”

Barack and Michelle enter.

Barack Obama: “Carney, have you seen my intelligence briefing for this week?”

Carney: (awkward silence)

Biden: (reaches under himself) “Is this it?”

Michelle Obama: “Barack, I told you you needed to have him housebroken.”

Barack Obama: “It gives me an excuse not to read them.” (walks to desk and grabs a tissue from an ornately decorated mahogany tissue box) “You got everything under control here?”

TOTUS: “As always. Enjoy your golf game.”

Michelle Obama: “Not if I can help it.”

Biden: “Hey Barack, can I be your caddy today?”

Barack Obama: (using tissue to polish his putter) “Did you finish last night’s homework?”

Biden: “Bo ate it.” (flinches at Barack‘s scowl, tries again) “Um, I mean Bush ate it?”

Barack Obama: “Nicely done. Let’s go.”

Barack and Biden exit

Michelle Obama: “Well, it’s almost time for lunch. If anyone needs me I’ll be at Five Guys.”

Carney: “Mrs. Obama, I’ve been really good. Can I come with you?”

TOTUS: “Oh, quit whining and eat your bean sprout sandwich.”

Michelle exits

Carney: (under his breath) “Kiss-up.”

TOTUS: “I heard that.”

Posted by McGehee @ 11:42am
34 comments | Trackback

Comments (34)

  1. Excellant!

  2. I still haven’t tried 5 Guys but I think there’s a smashburger in Cypress I’m a try tomorrow

  3. - Over at Ulster Report they’re posting about a new Univision F&F report that should be interesting for the White house with October coming up.

    – WordPress won’t post the link for some reason.

  4. Obama: “You need to let the biker lady go Joe. She’s crying.”

    Biden : ” C’mon, those are tears of joy.”

    Obama: ” No, I think she’s going through withdrawal Joe. ”

    Biden: ” CHOOM! ”

    Obama: ” Preach it brother!”

  5. Speaking of choomings last night I learned a pound of weed in South Texas is going for $140, which seems kinda reasonable given how inflationy things are these days

  6. Well, maybe $140 plus a fraction of a dead Mexican, if we tote the hidden costs.

  7. True unless you spring for “dro” but that’s way more per ounce cause it’s more potenter

    Travel is very broadening

  8. Heh, then the hidden costs are coal power plants closing down.

  9. Speaking of choomings last night I learned a pound of weed in South Texas is going for $140, which seems kinda reasonable given how inflationy things are these days

    Blame Bush.

  10. Univision F&F link.

  11. “dro”, ‘feets?

    Whatever happened to ‘chronic’ ?

  12. I can ask later tonight

  13. Used to be $100 a key early 70’s (so i read somewhere)

  14. Or less in the late 60’s.

  15. holder and baracky sitting in a tree…

    By cross referencing gun tracing data, Univision identified 57 weapons linked to murders and crimes in Mexico, and used that data to highlight “the face of the tragedy in Mexico,” says Mr. Reyes.

    Reyes said the program will detail Fast and Furious ties to the massacre of 16 teenage boys and girls in Ciudad Juarez, the nation-shaking murder of Mario Gonzalez Rodriguez, the brother of the former Chihuahua attorney general, the extent to which the Mexican government knew about the program, and an interview with a drug trafficker who says he heard from colleagues that the US government was selling guns to the cartels.

    link

  16. I’ve heard somewhere that Mexican weed is largely referred to as ‘brown frown’. Some of these backwoods Tennessee boys are quite fond of their non-‘brown frown’, I gather.

  17. I always thought the “brown frown” was Taco Bell related…

  18. Used to be $100 a key early 70?s

    A key for a hunnerd dolla? Ohio ditch weed of some kind?

    A hunnerd dolla an ounce, now. That was some good stuff. Or so I’ve been told.

  19. Nah seems it was Michoacán, which made its way from the coastal mountains to Juarez , from there to Ft. Bliss and a military footlocker.

    The footlocker traveled with a young soldier who flew to an emerging city in the South East where he could visit his future bride, the visits paid for by the profits from the contents of the locker.

    An American story.

  20. A hunnerd dolla an eighth-ounce, now.

    Fixed. From what I hears tell of ‘it’. Not that it’s flashing on a marquee anywhere or anything like that.

  21. It’s good to read The DiploMad 2.0.

  22. A key for a hunnerd dolla? Ohio ditch weed of some kind?

    A hunnerd dolla an ounce, now. That was some good stuff.

    potency and adjust for inflation

  23. Obama phone, Obama meals, Obama Boyz.

  24. When I was in high school during the late seventie,s a oz was $40 (I heard from a co-worker who heard it from the acquaintance of a friends 2nd cousin or something).

    I don’t know what a pound or Kilo went for, because I didn’t know anyone with more than $40.

  25. A hunnerd dolla an eighth-ounce, now.

    Dang. Nr is right about adjusting for inflation.

    Could be pretty lucrative, if you don’t mind the occasional trip to jail and don’t live in a “three strikes” state.

  26. I read that article earlier, geoffb.

    Buh-rock must be so proud!

  27. - The Obama-economy, his biggest mistake in office.

    – I gemerally hate linking anything at HiffPoop, but this is such a classic study in contemporizing and fiction prose I thought JHo might enjoy deconstructing this piece of ass-covering propaganda, and others might like to see what the Left is going to try to invent for the Wonce.

    Boiled down, here are a few of the articles premises:

    * Obama inherited the worst economy in 70 years.
    * One of his mistakes was not taking the recession and its long term effects seriously enough.
    * Another was in not using the FED early enough.
    * Regardless of what he would have done it was not going to be any better.
    * What he did was successful in avoiding a complete depression.

    – The one comment in this total piece of fish wrap bukkshit that I could at least partially agree with is “He bailed out the wrong group, choosing the auto companies, and letting the housing industry die.”

    – Incidently, the article goes to great lengths to plant the idea that the administration followed an economic recovery model generated by a pair of Conservative economists, which I find laughable on the face of it.

    – Look forward to JHo or Jeff’s deconstruction of this crap. We’ll probably start seeing a flood of this sort of agitprop as we get closer to election day.

  28. Buh-rock must be so proud!

    I wonder if he’ll compare them to the son he never had, as he did with Trayvon Martin.

  29. There’s a pitcher of him in the article. He looks just like the Wonce.

    With dreads.

  30. if wall street romney had gonads he would have an ad:black chick telling the baracky he a effin’ loser.

  31. magic negro

  32. Wait, so dime bags are back? I might have to move to Texas.

  33. But it’s clear that Obama also is running for an equally important unelected office, in the province of the popular imagination — the “Magic Negro.”

    The Magic Negro is a figure of postmodern folk culture, coined by snarky 20th century sociologists, to explain a cultural figure who emerged in the wake of Brown vs. Board of Education. “He has no past, he simply appears one day to help the white protagonist,” reads the description on Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_Negro .

    He’s there to assuage white “guilt” (i.e., the minimal discomfort they feel) over the role of slavery and racial segregation in American history, while replacing stereotypes of a dangerous, highly sexualized black man with a benign figure for whom interracial sexual congress holds no interest.

    link

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