August 28, 2012

Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the GOP convention battles and Tropical Storm Isaac

“So much fighting, so little peace. How’re we supposed to heal, you know?

“– As for Isaac, have I ever told you about my one canceled Love Boat guest star gig? Around ’77, ’78-ish, with Lynda Day George? Well, seems the producers weren’t too thrilled when they found me and Ted Lange on the set of the Lido deck having ourselves a Julie McCoy sandwich. Fortunately for Lange and whatsherface, Lauren Tewes, they had contracts. So I’m the one who got the boot.

“Worse still, that coked up whore of a cruise director made off with my quaaludes and about 2 ounces of really gorgeous hash. And I never even came, I don’t think.

“– Though, to bring this full circle, I’m pretty sure I once banged two chicks named Katrina in the same night. And on an abandoned Palisades school bus, too. Which not a lot of dudes can say. So there’s that.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:01am

Comments (17)

  1. But what does Billy Jack have to say?

  2. “Isaac may only be a Tropical Storm, but that doesn’t make it any smaller”, said the radio news-reader in preparation for the coming claim that the Obama administration has far outshone those miserable incompetents of the Bush administration. For Katrina and Isaac are perfectly comparable, you see. See?

  3. Lauren Tewes!?!?! Not sweet, sweet, warm apple pie fresh cute as a button girl next door Lauren Tewes!?!!

    My faith in American womanhood has just been crushed like a cheap soda can.

  4. Who knows for sure? Leif can talk some shit from time to time, Ernst.

  5. I’d have thought Leif would have worked in a Fred Grandy reference. Talk about your hanging curve, right over the center of the plate.

  6. I knew it was a lie!

    Just like all those stories about cocaine!

  7. I’d-a thought the kid that played the Captain’s daughter might have been more the Leifster’s speed — though Isaac wouldn’t have gone there, I’m sure.

    And I’ve heard that the Captain’s daughter was wilder than Dana Plato…

  8. Leif Garrett was popular back when I was in the teenage fangirl stage, and I never understood why he was popular.

    Besides being somewhat south of good-looking, what the heck did he do?

    Except clutter up the pages of Tiger Beat, I mean.

  9. Now, if we can just get Shannon Elizabeth’s nipples to comment on the looming fiscal cliff and the dolphin in the pea coat back from whatever mission he was on, my day will be complete.

  10. Or Jeff to have a long, existential discussion with his slightly-past its expiration jar of mayonnaise…

  11. I think nearly everyone in Hollywood except Shannon Elizabeth has been on Love Boat.


  13. I just have to say, Isaac was a pretty shitty bartender. He served one drink a day, three quarters of the way through the show to a guy/girl who’s boyfriend/girlfriend just dumped him. And didn’t charge for it. I’da fired his ass.

    Also, I spent too long yesterday watching “Battle of the Network Stars” on ESPN Classic. Just to hear Howard Cosell once more.

  14. Gabe Kaplan’s team against Bob Conrad’s?

  15. Well, Santorum is doing his chained captive walk at Caesar’s triumph.

  16. If I read that in his voice, and thought it slightly possibly true, does that mean I’ve watched too much of The Smoking Gun’s World’s Dumbest?