February 26, 2005

Scenes from my driveway, continued x 52

Deadbeat neighbor: “Beautiful day, eh?”

Me: “Not if you happen to have a goiter the size of a kiwi, it isn’t.  Or an infected toenail that leaks green pus if you so much as look at it.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Oh. I’m sorry. Are you sick?”

Me:Me?  Naw.  Just speculating.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:04pm

Comments (22)

  1. Ozonol … gobs and gobs of it …. but not orally!

  2. At a wedding last year, the bride tossed me her goiter.

  3. These are the funniest posts that I have ever seen.  Keep up the great work.

  4. Gosh. Thanks!

  5. I sense a green theme running through this here blog. Stockings and kiwis and pus. Oh, my.

  6. Or not if you have descarga vaginal.  Just saying.

  7. I don’t know what that means but I think you just killed the thread.

    Oh, yeah. It’s dead.

  8. Ana, I don’t know what it is, but I’m afraid it has to do with snails.

  9. I’m wanting to google it. But I’m afraid.

  10. Maybe it’s a misspelling of vagina dentata…

  11. OK Babelfish says descarga means unloading….Yuck

    Redstate, I’ve heard of medical Latin, but medical Spanish?

  12. vaginal detente

    In case it’s having a war with Uranus.

  13. Si, Gail.  Medical spanish is much more….well, it just sounds better.

  14. It’s that crazy Latin beat….If Ricky Ricardo had prostatitis, he could probably sing about it in Spanish–with the conga drum and the poofy sleeves.

  15. vagina dentata

    I can’t picture Timon and Pumbaa singing that on the Disney Channel.

  16. Dammit, McGehee, now I’m going to be humming that at mass.

  17. – “Mass”… a blob of oozing green stuff….


    – “Gee”, a spot she found herself…

    – “Fuk”, that word don’t ryhme with cum …

    – “Ray” , the guy who ate Jeffs shorts…

    – “Laa” , thats why his nutz are numb …

    …Everybody sing along now…….

  18. Since the toenail thing is being completely ignored just thought I’d say that after extracating a particularly pesky one I saved it in a tie tack box. Nothing strange about that is there?

  19. It is not merely strange but also gross. Why do you ask?

  20. d’escargot vaginal (des kar’ go va’ jin al)

    Of, belonging to or pertaining to the vagina of a French Snail bred for it’s rich garlic & butter flavor.

    It’s a French thing.. what did you expect? Didn’t any of you take French 101 before you figured out it was a dead language?

    It’s French.. ‘nuff said…


    spam word: hands

  21. I’m afraid it has to do with snails

    I was afraid of that

  22. Oh.. and since we’re speculating.. I think that Flesh Eating Bacteria that you get on your hands from touching the flush handle of some public urinal at a Greyhound Bus Station and then somehow transfer to your Willie causing it to dissolve like so much lime green Alka-Seltzer would pretty much ruin your day too…

    or so I’ve heard…


    spam word: together

    .. as in “ causes your willie, together with your twins, to dissolve…”