March 6, 2005

Scenes from my driveway, continued x 53

Deadbeat neighbor: “I’m thinking about buying a cowboy hat.  A nice one, too. Fitted.  And some kick-ass snakeskin boots.”

Me: “Finally saw Urban Cowboy, did you?”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Yeah. Oh—and a really huge brass belt buckle!  With a pair of boot-cut Wrangler jeans and a couple of those snap-front shirts with the western piping.”

Me: “Sure.  May as well shoot the works.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Maybe even a horse.”

Me: “Uh huh.  Gonna keep it in the garage then, are you?”

Deadbeat neighbor: “That’s the plan, yeah.  Or wait—do horses and alpacas not get along…?”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:22pm
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Comments (24)

  1. Now that’s funny!

  2. If Urban Cowboy is back, I’m putting the cowboy duds away.

    Maybe get a “Matrix” trenchcoat and, well lessee—maybe a top hat with a big, long feather.

    And a down-the-back holster for the shotgun.

  3. Anyone’s Deadbeat neighbor considering a first cowboy hat really ought to give some thought to those snappy cavalry hats.

  4. The sad parallel irony is here in south Texas that the Houston Rodeo is currently running. Which means there will be a SERIOUS oversupply of cowfolk (I say this as a guy who lives on a ranch in the country) for about a month. You can tell when it’s over by the ads to sell the horses that they bought for their teenage daughters that will start to appear, and about two months after that Houston SPCA (ya know, Animal Cops Houston) will start seizing animals due to gross neglect. It’s like watching a train wreck, every year.

  5. I stayed on an alpaca for eight seconds one time.  Ornery critters.  And stinky, too.

    BTW, I think a western trench coat is referred to as a “duster”.

    Kinda like the way Tiger Woods dusted that white boy today.

    NEVER bet against the black in an athletic contest.  Not even if it’s bowling.

  6. “Or wait—do horses and alpacas not get along…?”

    Actually, they do.  But horses and llamas?  All-out warfare.

    Keyword, “working,” as in working animals.

  7. BTW, I think a western trench coat is referred to as a “duster”.

    Yes. And a “Matrix” trenchcoat is referred to as a “Matrix” trenchcoat.

    Don’t make me kick you with my size-13 Brahma boots, amigo.

  8. <cue saloon doors fwapping open—dust whirling from clomping Tonly Llama spur/boots. Pan up – Badge blur—holster snap sounds – >

  9. McGehee,

    Whoah!

  10. Damn … wish I could wear suspenders!

  11. Craig C..

    Ok, so who do you think would win in a fight between ‘Mr. Ed’ (from the tv show of the same name) and ‘Tina the Fat Lard’ (from Napoleon Dynamite)..?

    I’m just askin.. BPiS

    Turing word: Recently

    As in: Havent seen Mr Ed around recently.

  12. But horses and llamas?  All-out warfare.

    Now that’s just not true at all.  From personal experience, they get along just fine.  And them llamas will mow the fuck out of your lawn, too.

    Owning horses and llamas is a much smarter idea than owning chickens and big stupid dogs, I can tell you that.

    Turing word:  things.  As in, things that don’t go together too good.

  13. Tony Llama ? *shakes head*

    Get the good stuff, Webb. Manolo Blahnik’s got nothin’ on Giovanni Lucchese.

  14. The first law of humor: you can never go wrong with alpaca jokes.

  15. Perhaps when he installs the Bull, he’ll let you have a go, Jeff?

  16. …’cause if I try to kick with these big ol’ boots on my size-7 feet, they’ll fly off and injure somebody.

  17. BiP:  Haven’t seen Napoleon Dynamite, but I’m just guessing that ther ain’t enough fat in the world to protect against a good horsey rear kick.

    Keyword, “zebra.” It’s witchcraft, I tells ya.

  18. I have a ‘BLADE’ trenchcoat with a down-the-back scabbard for my genuine Hattori Hanzo Katana (you never know where you’ll run into Vampires, Crazy Eighty-eights or Islamic Terrorists).. It has its upside and downside.. Its perfect for the cold, damp winter nights here in Seattle when I’m out stalking supernatural villains with Frank Black.. and the dark leather is like total urban camoflague.. but I’ll warn you, on those muggy summer nights when the mosquitos are out, that leather just makes me sweat like a pig.. and vampires can smell sweat about a mile away.. just so you know. (the mosquitos too)

    -BPiS

    Spamkiller: costs

    It costs an F***’in fortune..thats what it costs.

    I’d say ‘an arm and a leg’, but thats bad karma in my line of work.

  19. Oh..and matching Vampire Bat skin cowboy boots.. I forgot to mention those..

  20. ed! Since I don’t have horses I didn’t know that about the rodeo. But I will say that the rodeo is FUN! The one time I get to wear my cowboy boots and wranglers. I’m going to see Kenny Chesney Wed night and I can’t wait.

  21. Hey, the rodeo is a like all events that are larger than life, there’s gonna be fallout at the edges. I guess it was that garage line that set me off, cause when I lived in town I had a neighbor that actually did that. Two horses, and about 6 FFA projects in the back yard. Of course, alpacas and horses are better that dogs and cats living together (I think). Oh, and here comes the ultimate gloat. I’ve Clint Black tickets next week. Somebody GAVE THEM to us.

  22. Well someone gave me the Kenny Chesney tickets…so there….wink

  23. I don’t understand why so many women go crazy for Manolos.

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