Reflections on Dan #ItGetsBitter Savage [Dan Collins]
Years ago, when I still lived in Iowa City, there was a hip weekly publication of the sort that plagues all college towns, and part and parcel of this pile of posturing poo was Dan Savage’s column. So, I probably read it having a cup of bad coffee at the hipster douchebag cafe that allowed smoking, and in it were Savage’s sententions regarding heterosexual sex, which he characterized as unimaginative and uninspired, all ‘insert tab a into slot b’ and yadda yadda. I didn’t really care that Savage thought that heterosex was banal, but I was moved to email off a response, saying, hey, y’know, having sex with a woman is really a kind of interesting experience, not least because they think differently from us, etc. Naturally, I received no response, but then having read the piece I didn’t really expect to, anyway, and how’s someone else’s brand of sex supposed to be ‘relatable,’ in any case, right?
As one of my gay friends has pointed out to me, hetero seems as though it must be more challenging. For one thing, even on ladies’ night, a hetero guy walking into a bar is unlikely to be confronted by the prospect that everyone there is a potential sex partner, the way a gay guy might view whoever’s hanging about in a gay club (except for the fag hags like Coulter getting their friss on). Then there’s the strange dance of a woman’s psyche—Terpsichore in 4-inch heels—which can be a wild ride, should you try to hang on. Really, it’s almost as though their brains are fundamentally different from ours, and they have several of them, and they’re all working at once; or they have several personalities all vying with one another in that space of one brain, or however one prefers to think about it. God only knows what their motives are, because I’m not even sure that women are entirely aware of them, and Jeebus, do they ever have feelings. And never mind the lesbians, because they are pretty much like straight guys, only more so. The sociopolitical alliance between gay men and lesbians seems to me one of the strangest ever, as they have virtually nothing at all in common, except the rubric “gay.”
Anyway, Savage’s bizarre and deeply hateful tirade against an assembly of young journalists amounts merely to another PC mountebank’s ridiculous ‘love me, for I thoroughly despise you and all you represent’ moment. “Pansy asses”? Really? If I were casting a movie set in ancient Rome, I’d pick Savage for the character Pansias. His ilk are the kind who like to use ‘tea baggers’ as a form of put-down against their political opponents, then shriek hysterically whenever they’re confronted with anyone on the political right casting aspersions on anybody else’s sexual behaviors . . . or even tossing off an offhand observation regarding the quarters from which hysterical shrieking emanates.
Those kids who walked out of his harangue about bullying were right to do so. Back in the day, he used to rewrite the salutations of all his featured letters to read, “Hey, faggot!” It was all irony, you see, imputing to other people the rudeness that he imagined must animate their communiques, and it was cool to highlight that by imposing the rudeness on them while embracing his faggotude and being the reasonable though somewhat polemical victim. Now, “You’re Obsessed with My Sexuality, Which Is All I Think About All the Time” Boy can expect those salutations to read, “Hey, asshole,” which is all he ever was, anyway.
Is there anything more fundamentally boring than someone verbally jerking off about his sexual preference ad nauseam? If so, what is it? because to me it is not occurring.
While I’m on my morning rant, I might as well add dumbass activist Monica Novoa’s appearance on Bill O’Reilly to flounder about arguing that we should no longer characterize illegal immigrants as illegal immigrants:
This is the kind of twatwaffletry that drives Jeff nuts. Consider that the construction “illegal aliens” was a euphemism imposed on us in the first place by proggies and their journalistic allies. Later, they decided that that wasn’t nice, so it was supposed to be “undocumented workers.” Naturally, undocumented parasites on the US social welfare system was right out.
Fine. They don’t want to be called “illegal aliens,” and that’s raaaaacist? I’m going with “crimmigrants,” and I think you should consider it, too. And Dan Savage? He’s just Shit Dick from now on. That way, we can have charming conversations like this:
Shit Dick: “Screw you, Tea-Bagger!”
Tea-Bagger: “Go fuck yourself, Shit Dick!”
It’s all about elevating the discourse, see?