March 2, 2012

my first brief conversation with a semi-upscale condom

me: “So. You’re quite in demand here lately. The subject of Congressional hearings. And yet you remain somehow elusive. Coy, even. Both difficult to ascertain and difficult to understand. You’re enigmatic, is what I’m saying, semi-upscale condom — the supposed key to women’s health, the key to solving the problem of too much human-generated CO2, the key to keeping otherwise good girls from being punished with children. And yet in the cold harsh light of day, without your fancy packaging you’re just a cheap piece of latex that dudes use to bag their jimmies, available in quantities large and small, often given away for free in student health centers or as part of promotional campaigns for flavored Schnapps. How do you explain your power? Your draw? Your social and political complexity?”

semi-upscale condom:


semi-upscale condom:


semi-upscale condom:

me: “Wow. It’s like I’m standing with the ghost of James Dean.”

semi-upscale condom: “I’ll blow you for a beer. Or five bucks –”

me: “– You know what? I’m going to pretend that instead of saying that, you casually lit a cigarette, leaned into a doorjam with practiced nonchalance, then raked me over with your eyes — silently — before looking away as if I didn’t even exist. You magnificent plasticized bastard.”*

Posted by Jeff G. @ 7:55am

Comments (14)

  1. She was auditioning for a future in Progressia and shined like few have ever seen.

    Present an emotionally appealing case for the mandate using real data? If the data backed the position anyone could pitch it. They would not have had some white girl up there, they would at least have gotten a two-fer out of the exposure. No, they needed someone who could go up there and lie like a Barack, and this young future Attorney General came through swimmingly.

  2. You know what you don’t hear a lot of in college? “Don’t worry about a condom, random dude that I just met at a party. I’m on the pill. And you don’t look like someone who has unprotected sex with other people.”

  3. Abe, I heard that “…you don’t look like someone who has unprotected sex with other people” thing a lot too. But I never got the impression it was meant as a compliment.

  4. It might be because the last three words were often left out…

  5. …or the one between “has” and “sex,” now that I think of it.

  6. I was being facetious. Then again, I went to school when academia was in the forefront of the manufactured heterosexual AIDS risk hysteria, so pretty much every girl would tell you to get a condom or go have sex with yourself.

  7. Here’s a nice dissection of the central lies in this political attack by the Regime, and here a mockup of what that document would look if the Church could write it.

  8. I was being facetious.

    I wasn’t. X-(|

  9. Posted this on the wrong thread.

    I notice that the Democrats have learned one thing from their past efforts in this vein.

    In the past the “victim” herself would be the one giving the testimony. This had always worked until the Internet made it possible for ordinary people, who knew facts pertaining to the situation that was being testified about, to be able to get an audience without going through the liberal gatekeepers of the media.

    That method has blown-up in their faces in recent years. So we see that in this case all the “victims” are referred to by the witness as “A friend of mine” or “a married female student told me” or “Women employed in low-wage jobs” or “the faces of the women affected by this lack of contraceptive coverage“. People who can not be found and their actual situation looked at to check the veracity of Fluke’s claims.

    There is one slip-up in her testimony. “Fluke testified. “One told us about how embarrassed and just powerless she felt” Who is this “us” since she is supposedly testifying for herself not as part of some organization.

  10. What’s the copay on pulling out?

    Someone owes me a shit ton of money…

  11. Don’t insult condoms; they’re notoriously thin-skinned.

  12. But they’re flighty bastards, likely to go off half-cocked at any moment.

  13. The left should just drop the whole “healthcare” facade when it comes to BC and abortion. The leftist elite dont want to be “burdened’ with children and would prefer that the poor stop breeding but will never admit that. Federally mandating BC and abortion is about population control. They are just smart enough to realize that they cant package it in such terms…..yet.

  14. Why else would we be funding abortive care in Mexico. “Mexico City Policy”