October 1, 2004

a protein wisdom philosophy primer:  Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

The quickest way to empty a room is to close your eyes and put your hands over your ears.  This blunts sensory phenomena, without which the world does not exist. 

The second quickest way to empty a room is to put on a Michael Bolton CD and break out a 4-pack of Seagram’s Orange Pineapple Bahama Mama wine coolers.  But that’s more of a Heidegger thing.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 5:37pm
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Comments (16)

  1. When I want to drink philosophy, I stick to Nietzche shooters.  Only an Uberman can get ‘em down.

  2. I heard Schopenhauer emptied lots of rooms. He chased all the best people out of his mother’s salon.  Which is why she never loved him.

    I am sure covered his ears and said la la la anytime someone said something clever.

  3. A John Kerry stump speech must be a close third.

  4. One of my favorite Schopenhauer quotes (sort of):

    The closing years weeks of life a presidential campaign are like the end of a masquerade party when the masks are dropped.

    Kerry, coquettish as ever, flashed his so briefly that probably only those with Tivo will be able to see it.  For now.

  5. I think Monty Python had something to say along these lines.

    Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable,

    Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table,

    David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel,

    And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

    There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach about the raising of the wrist,

    Socrates himself was permanently pissed…

    John Stuart Mill (of his own free will) with half a pint of shandy was

    particularly ill.

    Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day.

    Aristotle, Aristotle was a beggar for the bottle,

    Hobbes was fond of his dram,

    And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart – “I drink therefore I am.”

    Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;

    A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he’s pissed.

  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you……You’re wonderful!

  7. And then someone came up behind Schopenhauer while he was demonstrating this to the prettiest girl and gave him a major wedgie.

    He became very, very bitter about the whole thing.

  8. Mikey, yeah, that’s when they started calling him “Mope-n-hauer”

  9. He must have hated recess.  Especially with Mikey and SarahW razzing him all the time. 

    “Compassion is the basis of all morality” took on special meaning once I learned that his ‘Fruit of the Looms’ were up over his shoulders when he said it.  Tough crowd here, dude.  Sorry.

  10. “Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

    Which explains protein wisdom; but it leaves unanswered an even more perplexing question – how was Schopenhauer able to read this blog 140 years before it even existed ? Beck told me if you turn a universal Turing machine sideways it’s possible – is that true ?

    Will we cover that in the more advanced quantum theory class, Jeff ?

  11. Are you sure that’s Schopenhauer?  I would have guessed that it was from a John Kerry foreign policy speech.

  12. Well, this Schopenhauer is kind of hard, Do you have any more “S”s?

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