September 1, 2004

protein wisdom’s Republican National Convention coverage, 13

Had a chance to talk briefly with tonight’s keynote speaker, Democratic Senator Zell Miller, whom I caught up with at the beverage table after one of his sound checks. 

protein wisdom: “As a lifelong Democrat, what made you decide to endorse George Bush for president?”

Zell Miller: “That’s a good question, because I have voted for every Democratic presidential candidate since 1952, 13 of them. I’ve never voted for a Republican. But I’m going to this time.  In this dangerous time, we need a strong commander in chief, and I think that George Bush is one of the strongest that you could possibly have. I have admired and respected the way that he has grabbed terrorism by the throat. And I think he’s the commander in chief that we need these next four years.”

protein wisdom: “The Democrats are noting that 12 years ago, you were the keynote speaker at Bill Clinton’s first convention here at Madison Square Garden.  Senator, Democrats say you were right then and you’re wrong now.”

Zell Miller:  “No, that was then and this is now. We’re at war. 9/11 changed everything, as far as I’m concerned. It changed the way that we have got to look at how we do things.  I am very, very disturbed at the lack of bipartisanship that I saw in Washington over the last four years that I’ve served in the Senate. And I think it’s very dangerous for this country in a time of war. We can’t afford it.”

protein wisdom:  “Right.  No argument here.  So. Georgia, eh?  I imagine Georgia can get pretty hot this time of year…”

Zell Miller:  “Yessir, Georgia can get quite hot in the summertime –”

protein wisdom:  “– and it’s not like it’s a dry heat, either, right?  Quite humid, I imagine…”

Zell Miller:  “Oh, it’ll put some water in your socks, that’s for sure.  But it’s a beautiful state, with friendly, intelligent, fair-minded voters who strongly favor traditional family values and fiscal responsibility –”

protein wisdom:  “– yeah, I’m sure they do.  Question:  what’s a pole cat?”

Zell Miller:  “A what now –?”

protein wisdom:  “A pole cat.  C’mon, you’re a southerner, right?  You should know this.  It’s always driven me crazy –”

Zell Miller:  “– Well, I can tell you that–”

protein wisdom:  “Or better yet, skip that.  Say something, y’know, homespun, instead.  An aphorism your granpappy taught you or a colorful hillbilly metaphor—something like that –”

Zell Miller:  “– not quite sure what a pole cat is… But seriously, America does need George W. Bush right now, like a farmer needs the rain, or corn needs its cob –”

protein wisdom:  “–ah, there it is!  That’s the stuff –!”

Zell Miller:  “– Does that work for you–?”

protein wisdom:  “– Beautiful. Perfect. Redneck poetry, Senator, thanks.  …Say, you wouldn’t happen to play the banjo, would you…?”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:00pm

Comments (34)

  1. Damnit, Jeff.  Why’d you let him off the hook for crap I could’ve heard from my inlaws? 

    I wanted to know what a pole cat was, too.

  2. As a PSA, I looked up the definition in my Oxford (MS) Dictionary.

    polecat –

    carnivorous mammal of the weasel family. The name refers especially to the common Old World polecat, Mustela putorius, found in wooded areas of N Eurasia and N Africa. Similar to weasels, but larger and with longer fur, polecats grow to nearly 2 ft (60 cm) long, including the 6-in. (15-cm) tail.

    Like other members of its family, polecats have a scent gland under the tail which emits a fetid secretion used for territorial marking; the gland is most active when the animals are alarmed. Recently, this secretion has been collected and encapsulated in little red pills which trigger hallucinations, mostly involving discussions with inanimate objects such as pants.

    Polecats have been known to travel in herds with dolphins and should not be trusted under any circumstances.

  3. Nobody sets it up like you, Jeff. Nobody.

    (Thanks, you have no idea what that laugh did for me today.)

  4. Zell may not play the banjo, but, if memory serves, he used to (maybe still does) own a radio station broadcasting country music up near the North Carolina border – about where Deliverance takes place.  Call letters are WZEL, I think.  When he was elected lieutenant governor in the 1980s, he said that if things got a little dull in Atlanta, he might head back up there and spin a few discs.  Trust me; I’m not clever enough to make this up.

    Really good governor, though; I had the pleasure of having Zell as my governor in 1998.

  5. Aside from his stubborn desire to hang on to a party label that no longer really describes him, I think Zell is swell.

  6. I and my Gaston-soaked footies heart this blog.

  7. But first, a number.

  8. There I was on mainmost street, sippin’ on a mint julip, when it hit me – like a 2-by-4 up ‘side the head – that I was in high cotton to have made it to the South, and to Jawja in particular.

    Like granpappy used to say, over there in Gwinnett county, you can carry a pig for five country miles, but when you put it down, it’ll probably run away.  I don’t know why they say that – probably the fluorine the Gu’mint puts in the water.  That’s why – kiss my grits – I’m in favor of prayer in shools, sweet tea, and bacon grease and sugar in every dish…

    Sorry.  I just ran out of home spun stuff.

  9. Damn Zell…he can certainly deliver a rousing speech!

    Was he once a Southern Baptist minister?

  10. He kept going on and on about “Terra”.  I didn’t realize they felt so strongly about “Gone With The Wind” down in Georgia.

  11. Redneck haiku:

    tornado busted

    my double-wide but I still

    got my pick-up truck

    what’s that up a-head ?

    somethin’ lumpy in the ditch

    roadkill stew for lunch

    (banjos optional)

  12. Homespun 6 Jim Beam post speech update

    Zell Miller: ”…OK, I admit it, I’m really just voting for 4 more years of the Bush twins…them thar fillies are finer ‘n the hair on a frog’s ass…whooo-DOGGY!”

  13. Dorkafork

    You’re just throwin’ down shit now, ain’t ya, cracker.

    “Felt strongly about ‘Gone With the Wind’”? In Georgia ??

    Sheeeit, son, Zell’s the man. I mean, tell me can you elide that many syllables and still be understood?

    Can I get a witness?

  14. At one point he’d worked himself into such a rage that, forced to pause for applause, he kept working his lips, face contorted with rage.  That was by far the most furious thing I’ve ever seen come from a politician.  Loved it.

  15. He’s my favorite politician I could’ve voted for but didn’t.

  16. Lieberman-Miller 2008?


    wait….how about Powell-Rice 2008?

    Sound like a cajun dish. Oh well, we’ll keep trying.

    Fookin’ brilliant Miller interview Jeff, brilliant.

    Y’all come back now…..we’re fiddin’ ta win the Super Bowl and fix yer eyes so y’all dont vote some wanker in to office.

    Now shaddup and hand me me Guiness

  17. Zell has to be a Methodist- the East Tennessee kind.

    I know he’s from Georgia, but it has to be from a part near where the faces look like the ones in the pictures on my piano.

  18. Powell/Rice? Close, but no. It’s gonna be Rudy/Rice, my man.

  19. Did anyone else catch that heartfelt, “Preach it, Brother Zell!!” from the crowd in the pause right after Miller delivered the “bowl’o’mush” line?

  20. Sorry, any haiku that mentions tornadoes is required, by the Southern Redneck Convention of 1966, to mention that it sounds just like a freight train.

  21. “Zell has to be a Methodist- the East Tennessee kind.

    I know he’s from Georgia, but it has to be from a part near where the faces look like the ones in the pictures on my piano. “

    Zell’s from Young Harris, I think (when he was born it was probably just Harris – no need to differentiate it from any older Harrises), which is about five miles south of the North Carolina border, and about twenty miles east of the Tennessee/North Carolina border, so I’d say you’re right.

  22. a pole cat is a skunksmile

  23. Zell may play banjo, but he’s better known as a song-writer.

    Here’s Talking Pickup Truck mp3 which, for you young people, is an excellent example of genuine granpappy gibberish whose lyrics include “Washington DC” and “bovine feces.”

  24. This better all be in good fun, cuz this Mississippi girl can KICK YOUR ASS!!

    Ok, maybe not (especially Joe’s) But I can… get real mad……uh..yeah.

  25. Slartibartfast,

    Freight Train Tornado

    Shore set mah house ta spinnin’

    Crushed that damned ole witch.

  26. Yeah, Kathleen, these overeducated yankee/city boys love to make fun of a Southerner – from behind a keyboard. Small comfort but we know what will eventually happen to them all. They’ll move to Wilmington or Florida and don a lime green shirt, plaid slacks and a white belt. But no worries – we’ve already written those places off. And not because of a little bad weather.

  27. Benson, I’ll take southern comfort over small comfort any day.

    The lyrical nuances of our accent simply cannot be appreciated in cyberspace.  cool smile

  28. Ahem. Benson, Kathleen, I happen to live in western NC, in the Appalachia mountains. I drive a pick-up, and I love bluegrass music. I can also garun-dam-tee my neck’s redder’n you’uns’ll ever be.  cool smile

  29. Joe, you are then given absolution smile

  30. or absolut vodka, whichever you choose tongue wink

  31. I defer to the mountain man. I’m only in the foothills and my pickup truck is a Toyota.

  32. Fact:

    In the state of Alabama, it’s illegal to drive a full-sized pickup truck that’s not equipped with a rear-window gun rack.  It is perfectly acceptable to have one slot of the rack occupied by a fishing rod or pellet rifle, so long as the other has an actual firearm.

    Ok, I just made that up.

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