June 17, 2011

a haiku that, for no reason whatever, imagines disgraced Democrat ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner as the narrator of a 1970s Bread song

If a picture paints
a thousand words, then why can’t
I jack-off in peace?

Posted by Jeff G. @ 12:37pm

Comments (31)

  1. Every picture tells a story, don’t it?

    I can’t quite decide, btw, so what’s your opinion on a neo-descriptive?

    Schmutz or Momziff?

  2. I knew I should have gone Dan Fogelberg…

  3. Longer then, there’ve been
    fishes in the ocean, I’ve
    been in love with me.

  4. Bread? No there was only one performer prescient enough to capture this:

    A world of secret hungers
    Perverting the men who make your laws
    Every desire is hidden away
    In a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair
    On a rug where they walk and drool
    Past the girls in the office …

    And she’s nasty for sure
    Nasty nasty nasty
    Nasty nasty nasty
    Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty

    Zappa could have written that with Weiner in mind. ‘Course you don’t have to be terribly prescient when this shit never changes.

  5. BTW, you have no idea how long I’ve waited to work “Only thirteen, and she knows how to nasty” into a comment thread. But I promise I won’t run for Congress.

  6. Because your wife has probably figured out how to access your “history”.

    Bummer. Windows 98 was cool, Windows 7 is beyondn human comprehension.

  7. Get with it man! Windows 7 is waaay better than their earlier products. That’s not saying much, I know, but at least it loads and runs a lot faster than XP, Millenium, or even 98 (which was truly the best of the lot until 7).

    Click on the little “tools” cog in the upper right, then “Internet options”, then “General”, then check the box for “Delete browsing history on exit”. Then be sure to actually close IE when you’re done, otherwise it will helpfully want to take you wife right back to “Titties R Us” when she decides to get on the computer. That could raise awkward issues, so learn to embrace teh technology, it wants to keep your secrets, it’s just not very bright.

  8. Old man, get some soldiers
    Keep ’em close at hand
    There’s a flame loose in the country
    A fire grows in the land
    So guard yourself most carefully
    With military might
    For plans that cannot bloom by day
    Must flower in the night

  9. They want you to die
    for the good of the tribe
    Betas are bendable.

  10. Get out of my way
    Your tears do nothing
    That is my ball

  11. If a picture paints a thousand words, there must be about a million pictures of weiner out there. You know, ‘cuz there’s been about a billion words written about the dick.

  12. miss me yet redux:

    How else can you explain E.J. Dionne’s latest offering? Dionne writes, “Yet compared with the New Hampshire Seven – and with today’s Republican majority in the House of Representatives – Bush was the reincarnation of Theodore Roosevelt.”

    So Bush the Cowboy now walks softly?


    oh good gwb as a tr progg.

  13. I see what you did there, Lee.

  14. if you wear a cape
    not a rule,a suggestion
    please put some pants on

  15. “If a man could be two places at one time,
    I’d be with you.
    Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way. ”

    weiner package in hand contacting ginger lee.

  16. fluff my pillow
    my superhero pillow
    then do laws and shit

  17. I’m too sexy for
    my job. Too sexy for my
    job. Hey, here’s my knob!

  18. “why can’t
    I jack-off in peace?”

    Cus it’s Friday and it’s Arma-dance night MR!!!

  19. There once was a man named Tony
    Whose penis and last name were homophony…

  20. Then be sure to actually close IE

    You actually use IE, Swen?


  21. Can’t suck his own dick
    but he can fuck his nostrils
    the huge beak is why

  22. Yeah. I’m gonna be all wtf about that haiku when I wake up sober.

  23. swen –

    You da man. I delete everything , but my better side just keeps doing the “back” thing.

    Delete all you want, 7 makes sure that your old lady can hack you, even if she has no brain…

  24. Wiener the world,
    Wiener the children.
    Wiener the ones who need a brighter day, so add some jism.

    There’s a voice that’s sayin’
    “Wear panties and a bra”

    It’s true, you’ve made a brighter day, young Anthony.

  25. She was just seven-
    teen, you know what I mean when
    I tweeted her

  26. i c p p &

    p d, but not do i c

    the so called c d.

  27. if hitler could tweet
    his nazi meat as a treat
    would be to blondi

  28. sidewalk hot dog carts
    have rules and regulations
    no smoking naked

  29. beulah

  30. humas smoking lips
    humas smoking fucking lips
    humas ugh,,ugh.. lips


  31. In that case, I’ll take a Smokie Link with everything.