June 17, 2004

The (very brief) protein wisdom interview:  Madonna

I'm a spiritual girl trapped in the BODY of a material girl, is what I meant to say

protein wisdom: “So, Madonna, let’s begin by –”

Madonna: “– Esther.”

protein wisdom: “I beg your pardon?”

Madonna: “Call me Esther. I go by Esther now. It’s part of my spiritual desire to attach my energy to a new name, a new being.”

protein wisdom: “I’m afraid I’m not following –”

Madonna: “That’s because it’s a Kabbalah thing. It’s very esoteric.”

protein wisdom: “So what does that mean, you’re no longer Madonna?”

Madonna: “Right. I’m Esther now. I’ve adopted the very ancient and very esoteric Hebrew name Esther as part of my advanced study of Kabbalah.”

protein wisdom: “You’re shitting me, right?”

Madonna: “Of course not. Kabbalah allows for no trickery.”

protein wisdom: “Wow, really? Kabbalah says you can’t shit people? That’s wild –”

Madonna: “– Well, it doesn’t say that in so many words. But it mentions, y’know, the impermissability of those very kind of hermetic behaviors, at least in terms of certain numerical, sort of…well, in terms of a kind of particular configuration — be it of the firmamental alignment, of the cosmos, or of spirituality per se. It’s all quite beautiful to true devotees–”

protein wisdom: ” — I see –”

Madonna: “– but it’s also very hermetic. And esoteric.”

protein wisdom: “– Uh huh. You’ve never even seen a Torah, have you, Madonna?”

Madonna: “Esther –”

protein wisdom: “Sorry. You’ve never even seen a Torah, have you, Esther?”

Madonna: “Of course I have. It’s that huge scrolly thing, right? And for the record, I don’t remember Prince getting grilled like this when he changed his name to that chicken’s footprint thingy.”

****
h/t Ed Driscoll, who found the story here.

update: a quick missive.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:20pm
20 comments | Trackback

Comments (20)

  1. Jeff, you obviously suspect that Madonna is not much of a Torah scholar.  I am willing to take these doubts even further.  I don’t know why, but somehow I doubt that Madonna knows much Hebrew.  And while I know only a tiny bit about Judaism myself, I do seem to recall that for a good understanding of Kabbalah, which has writings on the mystical name of God, a reasonable understanding of Hebrew would come in handy.  Along with several years of study of the Torah. 

    But Jeff, perhaps we are missing the point.  Perhaps Madonna is so ineffably spiritual that she does not need rigorous intellectual background that us spiritual plebians need.  Perhaps, in some ineffable, spirtitual sense, she is like a virgin.  Perhaps.

  2. At least she didn’t pick Buttercup.

  3. So she doesn’t know any Hebrew.  She’s got ya on the chicken footprint thingy.

  4. So basically she’s shitting on every ounce of consideration her parents put into her naming and upbringing.

    Cool.

    I’m doing it too.

    My new spiritual guide is the washer repairman.

  5. The alteration of the photo reminds of slathering Vaseline on the lens (or however they do it now for ol’ lady Walters).

    Was that the concession you had to make to get this interview, Mr. Protein Wisdom?

    There used to be this thing called journalistic integrity.  I’m starting to wonder if I can trust any of the fake interviews around here.

  6. You people just don’t get it.  Hebrew, Torah, blah, blah, blah… She wears a red string around her wrist folks.  RED STRING.  GOT IT?  How much more clearly can I explain it to you people?

    Bunch’a anti-Kabbalites.  Poor poor misunderstood Ester.

  7. I probably would have paid more attention had she changed her name to Stan

  8. I’m changing my name to Madonna.

  9. Give Madge a break.  She already gave her kids silly names.  How else can she keep up with Paltrow, Cox, etc.?

  10. In the mid- and late-80’s she was really into rap and hip-hop music but I sure don’t remember her changing her name to reflect that interest.  You know, calling herself something like “G-Money’s Skank-Bitch”.

  11. I think it’s all a misunderstanding; she didn’t say Esther, she said Eostre.

  12. I get it: Madonna’s trying to get in touch with her inner Jew. She’s been searching for an inner-whatever since her inner child got an unlisted number and moved to a different city and her inner self OD’d on prozac.

    This proves it. She’s over the sanity horizon, and accelerating.

  13. Slartibartfast

    That would be so like Mado… Esth… Eostre to read up on the pagan origins of the Easter Bunny in the Kabalah. And to think that all this is being done without a knowledge of Hebrew, or for that matter English.

    Ha!

  14. I think it’s very interesting how all of you assume you know anything about Madonna or the Kabbalah Center.  I myself have been a student at the Kabbalah Center for close to 10 years.  (By the way, the Kabbalah Center started in the 1920s, and was around for many years before any celebrities noticed.) I understand fully why she has chosen to do what she has done.  If any of you would like to ask a real question, I would be happy to attempt a real answer.

  15. Oooh, me first! 

    Real question 1:  Is it esoteric?

    Real question 2:  Is it hermetic?

    Real question 3:  Can Madonna really make a Golem and turn it lose on meanspirited rock critics?

    Real question 4:  Are there, like, cool hats involved?

    Thanks in advance for sharing, Ariela!

  16. The kabbalists are in fact a group of hermetic and esoteric group of scholars … oh wait, everyone knows that. The problem, from what I understand, is this Kabbalah thing is Kabbalah. It’s just a New Agey thing wrapped as an ancient Jewish hermeneutic. (heh, I knew I could work ‘hermeneutic’ in.)

    If I didn’t believe in a real, living God who’d pay me back for profiting by lying about Him, I’d definitely quit the rat race and start my own religion in California. There’s so many possibilities:

    1. It should have some historical basis.

    2. It should have an esoteric basis, so people will feel ahead of the curve, elite, and special.

    3. It should make some challenges on the believer (mostly financial), but not so many that it would actually cause any real discomfort.

    4. It should offer something for nothing. And nothing for something. heh.

    Just some thoughts.

  17. The Kabbalah thing isn’t Kabbalah. Gotta proofread. I do that dropping the ‘not’ thing all the friggin’ time. Bleh.

  18. I THINK MADONA I MEAN ESTHER IS MEAN REALLY TRYING TO CHANGE AND AS ITS NEVER LATE TO START SOME THING OR BEGIN A LIFE BACK AGAIN WITH SOME THING GOOD BUT IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT A SAME SIS SHOULD NEVER REPEAT AGAIN AND SPECALLY WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE KABBALIST I THINK YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU MUST BE 7 TIMES FAR AWAY FOM IT I THINK YOU CAN DO IT AND ALL THE BEST

  19. The problem with Madonna and all celebrities in general is that they have a tendency to popularize the occult and esoteric when these topics have always been a ‘secret’ wisdom, only for the ‘elect’ or the Adept. This was true in ancient times, but recently such philosophers as Jung and Scholem have made alchemy and the cabbala public domain. What I see in Madonna and others is a type of spiritual materialism at work, instead of true spiritual enlightenment, otherwise they would not be clamoring for all this public attention as if they are ‘chosen’ for a special purpose, etc.

    The mention of Hebrew is very appropriate for Geomatria is integral to the cabbala or what is referred to as numerology. Every word when broken down to Hebrew and its numerical equivalents has a certain esoteric correlation such as Agape under Thelema when applied to Geomatria means Love under Will and are indicative of the 93 current. What is necessary when it comes to a systematic study of the cabbala is to know the terms for the ten branches of the Tree of Life analogous to Plato’s logoi and the 22 Tunnels of Set on the averse side of the Sephirotic Tree. In other words, in order to understand the Tree of Life, it is necessary to know the Tree of Death for both aspects compliment each other.

    In closing, it’s a shame that Hollywood celebrities bring certain aspects of the perrennial wisdom to light when this sort of thing has always been the prerogative of mystics, shamans and magicians. After all, the films coming out of Hollywood are America’s cultural barometer. Let’s hope the producers take heed and not ignore them like they did Casteneda in the 70’s.

  20. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY FAKE, for anyone who can’t tell right after reading the whole thing.

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