I grew up on the old stage musicals — Guys and Dolls, South Pacific, The Music Man, Westside Story, et al — from professional performances to community theater to high school productions, I’ve loved ‘em all (and sometimes from either side of the footlights).
And I’ve found sometimes the less-than-”professional” performances can be even more satisfying to watch because the enthusiasm and joy the performers put into it makes up for a technically superior, but bloodless, “phoned-in” presentation.
But there’s this strange thing that sometimes happens in the entertainment biz (strange even within its own weird-iverse) that is, for want of a better adjective, cringe-worthy.
The vanity production. Think “Tori Spelling”. Yeah, like looks and talent got her any role.
So it was one of those cringey moments when I stumbled across this:
The Daily Mail reports
Katie – who is not a professional dancer – wowed the audience with a slick, stylish and sexy performance of Garland’s greatest hit, Get Happy.
“Wowed”?? Oh my lord.
Now this is the way the song is sung:
And this is a real dancer:
Is Katie Holmes this generation’s Pia Zadora?
Comment by happyfeet on 7/25 @ 5:17 pm #
Wasn’t she a Miss South Carolina when she was younger?
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 5:23 pm #
Miss SC was my favoritest pageant person of all time.
Comment by MathMom on 7/25 @ 5:45 pm #
I dunno – Katie has certainly got better legs than Judy Garland, and actually does a more complicated dance. Cyd Charisse is probably the better dancer, but doesn’t sing. I’d say Katie comports herself rather well on the dance, probably lip-synched, but it might have been her voice. I’m glad she’s trying new things, and not just getting Scientology converts.
Comment by Cowboy on 7/25 @ 6:02 pm #
I say she’s this generation’s Charo.
Comment by Cowboy on 7/25 @ 6:07 pm #
I heard she can do that thing with her tongue.
Comment by Cowboy on 7/25 @ 6:08 pm #
I mean, the trilling “rrrrr” thing.
I denounce JD for what he was thinking about poor Katie.
Comment by geoffb on 7/25 @ 6:18 pm #
William and Marion the farce edition.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 6:18 pm #
Busted. Damn. Good guess, Cowboy.
Comment by geoffb on 7/25 @ 6:19 pm #
Cowboy, I know you were thinking “Twin Peaks” with that tongue thing.
Comment by Bob Reed on 7/25 @ 6:22 pm #
You are right, she’s this generations Pia Zadora…
I guess it’s always in the eye of the beholder, and what not, but She’s never done that much for me…
And her talent, well, maybe a cut above Tori Spelling; she should stick to being Cruise’s arm ornament…
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 6:48 pm #
No, she’s not Pia Zadora. Katie Holmes is actually above-average attractive, even though she’s had a bad taste incident in her selection of spouse.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 6:51 pm #
SLART!! Where ya been?
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 6:51 pm #
I was —->this close<—– to sending out a search party.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 6:55 pm #
Crap. Scared him away already.
Comment by BuddyPC on 7/25 @ 7:08 pm #
It’s 2009. It’s all about non “professionals” wowing the audience with slick, stylish and sexy performances devoid of substance.
Get with the zeitgeist.
So You Think You Can Preside?
BTW, wasn’t Judy Garland’s greatest hit “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”?
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 7:11 pm #
Buddy, Judy’s greatest was in “Meet Me in St Louis” … every song she song.
Greatest. Movie. Ever.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:25 pm #
Been on vacation, like I said elsewhere.
Ohio, believe it or not. Times are tough, it being necessary for me to vacation in Ohio.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:27 pm #
Cedar Point is chock full of pasty, slack, pale men with tattoos designed to make them look scary. Success, but maybe not in the way intended.
Oh, and the warring tribes of Hollister and Aeropostale.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:32 pm #
You really have to see it to appreciate it. Amazing. Whole groups of rugged individualists, each wearing a differently designed shirt having “Hollister” boldly printed on the front.
I admire their braveness.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:34 pm #
Slart! Ohio? And you didn’t let me buy you a beer? And Cedar Point? Yes, white trash central, but the coasters are impressive, aren’t they? Anyhow, good to see you commenting.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:36 pm #
And Carin, he was slow close to you!
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:36 pm #
And Carin, he was so close to you!
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:38 pm #
I almost took the fairy to see her.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:38 pm #
Yes, I’ve been drinking, but when I saw “slow close to you”, I thought that, hell, that’s pretty bad, let’s fix that. I thought I stopped it. Oh well. I still am saddened for Slart that he had to vacation in NW Ohio.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:38 pm #
Streppie, where do you live?
Comment by Darleen on 7/25 @ 7:39 pm #
Whole groups of rugged individualists, each wearing a differently designed shirt having “Hollister” boldly printed on the front.
Walking through an upscale mall, I can’t figure out which store is more pretentious – Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch
oh… or Bebe
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:39 pm #
The whole family did Millenium Force. Even the 8-year-old daughter.
So, no one has an excuse not to anymore.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:40 pm #
Well, she missed you. It’s true. And you nailed the cedar point clientele perfectly. That made me really LOL, as that is somewhere we do take the kids at least once a year. But we don’t wear those brands you mentioned. Did you ride the Millenium?
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:40 pm #
I LOLed
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:41 pm #
Well, I see you did. Excellent. Good for the 8 year old. My 10 year old cries when she sees it. I’m in Lakewood. Its just west of Cleveland.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:43 pm #
Pretty much everyone refuses to do it again. I’d do it again, suitably plied with liquor. I’d even do Top Thrill Dragster, sufficiently fortified.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:46 pm #
Oh, shit. That thing is 420 feet tall. Look: I timed it from first motion to return of the cars to horizontal: 16 seconds. Shit. 0 to 120 mph in a couple of seconds, horizontal, quick turn vertical, climb about 400 feet or so, nose over and do a complete twist about vertical back down to ground level.
It might take a blackout drunk to get me on that.
Comment by Darleen on 7/25 @ 7:47 pm #
The whole family did Millenium Force.
I was curious so I looked it up
Yikes.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:50 pm #
Watch the POV video. It’s actually scarier, being there.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:50 pm #
No shit. Anyhow, I’m glad you guys could have a good time (albeit terrifying). It’s a great amusement park, but once you’re done there, it kind of hits a brick wall. I’ve never done the Top Thrill Dragster. The favorites are the Gemini, the Cork Screw (old School) and I believe the Raptor (the stand up one?). Maybe it’s the Mantis. Anyhow, it’s pretty cool.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 7:51 pm #
I missed that you returned elsewhere, Slart. I was worried. Happy reported for me that he’d seen you no where, so I worried.
Cedar Point is the most awesome. Not the people, but Millennium. I think I could ride that all day. The greatest.
I’ve only been once since I could ride coasters (the other times we went I was pregnant.) My two oldest boys rode it with me, and they almost cried in line, but where so glad I forced them.
But true. Sea of humanity. It’s interesting. I went during their Halloween days, and they didn’t have the crowds.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:51 pm #
Yeah, Darleen. It’s amazing. Truly a world class coaster.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:51 pm #
But this…this is much worse.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 7/25 @ 7:51 pm #
Hmm. A friend of mine mused that, if he ran for governor of Michigan, he’d run on a platform promising to retake the Toledo Strip, then use that as a staging area for the military occupation and annexation of Cedar Point.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 7:55 pm #
That dragster thing, when I went, had a four hour line. The ride is – what? 45 second? Sorry. I did an cost/benefit analysis and it came up short.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:56 pm #
Bewildering variety of scarily tattooed folks. I know I’m repeating myself, but I spent a lot of time picturing what they’d look like without the tats, and I acquired a whole new appreciation of why they got them in the first place.
Mostly, because they were utterly, entirely ordinary and unthreatening.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 7:56 pm #
23 seconds start to stop, Carin.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 7:57 pm #
John, we’d give you the Toledo strip, no problem. We’d even throw in Bowling Green, a little bit south, but there is no way you’re taking Sandusky and Cedar Point.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 7:57 pm #
See. Not worth it. Not when the Millennium can simply be rode again.
Comment by Carin on 7/25 @ 7:58 pm #
What if we promise to “take care of ” Marcy Kapture, OI?
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 8:00 pm #
Classic, Slart. The average CP clientele is Mr. & Mrs. Everybody. Nothing at all wrong with that, but living in the midwest, sometimes the average citizen needs (wants) an edge. That edge is the ubiquitous tattoo. But being ubiquitous, the edge is kind of beveled in a big way.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 7/25 @ 8:02 pm #
But being ubiquitous, the edge is kind of beveled in a big way.
I’ll have to remember that line….
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 8:03 pm #
I’m reminded of Henie (sp?) Youngman, Carin. Take her, please! Except I don’t love Marcy Kaptur. But, I have my own interesting cross to bear in the person on one Dennis Kucinich. His local office is a few blocks from my house and I just kind of giggle every time I pass it.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 8:14 pm #
…eat a beveled edge.
Comment by SBP on 7/25 @ 8:16 pm #
Abercrombie & Fitch
Or as I call them, Ubercrappy and Felch.
My great-grandfather used to buy hip waders and ammo from them, if I remember right.
Good thing he’s not alive to see what they’ve become.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:17 pm #
I prefer the Bebe t-shirts. They tend to be sparkly and tightly draped over ripe melons.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:23 pm #
Abercrombie used to sell non-trendy classic guy kind of stuff.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 8:27 pm #
I think you do remember right, SBP. They’re a joke, now. Oh well. They still make coin. JD, call me. I mean it. Returning the favor is on my list of things to do. If we can get Alpuccino involved, that would only make it cooler.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:32 pm #
Will do, OI. Will be that way in a few weeks.
Maybe we can eat somewhere that has lots of Bebe shirts.
Comment by Darleen on 7/25 @ 8:35 pm #
Abercrombie used to sell non-trendy classic guy kind of stuff.
Well, now in mall stores the entrances trend to having 10 ft by 8 ft black n white soft porn pics
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 8:35 pm #
LOL…That works for me, JD.
Comment by SBP on 7/25 @ 8:37 pm #
It might actually be kind of fun to go into A&F and ask for a fly rod or a portable duck blind, then get outraged when they didn’t understand.
Comment by Darleen on 7/25 @ 8:37 pm #
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:17 pm #
to each his own, but I don’t think it is worth $45 to buy a $10 t-shirt with $5 of rhinestones. I look at females that wear that crap and think “fool”.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 7/25 @ 8:38 pm #
It might actually be kind of fun to go into A&F and ask for a fly rod or a portable duck blind, then get outraged when they didn’t understand.
Or shotgun shells.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:39 pm #
I am spent. Qualifying at The Brickyard and then short-track racing @ IRP, or ORP now. Gonna go see Junior win the Brickyard tomorrow. G’night.
Comment by JD on 7/25 @ 8:47 pm #
Darleen – None in our closets, but I cannot complain about the visuals ;-)
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 8:52 pm #
JAA…Obviously Ann Arbor may be where you hang your hat. My best friend lives in Northville. It’d be cool to get together, so I can buy you a beer or single malt scotch or some kind of alcoholic or non alcoholic beverage. We’re in your neck of the woods, quite a bit. Maybe we can talk JD into coming up as he’s the traveler extraordinaire of the PW set.
Comment by Joe on 7/25 @ 8:59 pm #
Agree with everything Darleen, except Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes is this generation’s Patty Hearst.
Comment by maggie katzen on 7/25 @ 9:02 pm #
don’t be catty… don’t be catty…
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 9:08 pm #
I think she’s several kinds of cute, myself. But YMMV.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/25 @ 9:09 pm #
…which shouldn’t be confused with talent.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 7/25 @ 9:15 pm #
The Gift was, well a gift. At least in regards to Katie Holmes. An Ohioan, by the way.
Comment by B Moe on 7/25 @ 9:16 pm #
We look at females that wear that crap and think “easy”.
Comment by bour3 on 7/25 @ 9:30 pm #
Thank you!!¡!11!!¡11¡ eleven11! Finally, I know who Cyd Charisse is, and what that song Frank and Johnny is about. I thought it was about gays. OMG, “Everybody was juiced, as you probably deduced.” Ha ha ha ha. OMG, she shot him, and he takes three jumps, and two spins to drop. Ha ha ha .
Comment by Richard Aubrey on 7/25 @ 9:45 pm #
Last time I went to Cedar Point, there were what looked like ancient WW II barracks to the west where, I presume, the young help stayed. Many of whom were more than presentable.
Used to think about keeping a lid on the “dorms”.
Probably not worth the effort.
Comment by Darleen on 7/25 @ 10:00 pm #
Finally, I know who Cyd Charisse is
shit, I feel old.
Comment by TmjUtah on 7/25 @ 10:19 pm #
Me. Too.
Many years ago I caught the movie “Cocoon” with my dad.
He glanced at the movie poster on the way in and did a double take. He said “I didn’t know Don Ameche was still alive”.
I know exactly what he felt like.
I saw John Wayne movies in theaters. Now that’s approaching old…
Comment by Mel on 7/25 @ 10:28 pm #
Age is but a state of mind. You,re only as old as you feel.
Good scotch and good cigars will keep a spring in your step.
Comment by Mel on 7/25 @ 10:31 pm #
Errant punctuation however…
Comment by pdbutttons on 7/25 @ 10:38 pm #
what’s a theater?
Comment by Joe on 7/25 @ 10:47 pm #
Katie Holmes has had her soul sucked out of her. No wonder she can’t dance.
Comment by TmjUtah on 7/25 @ 10:53 pm #
pd, that burns.
Just so you know.
Comment by SBP on 7/25 @ 11:28 pm #
Hi, Mel. Glad to see you checking in!
Comment by peter jackson on 7/25 @ 11:35 pm #
Katie Holmes is a beautiful young woman, and a passable actress, but this
o u c h
I can’t bring myself to watch the clip
Comment by psycho... on 7/25 @ 11:45 pm #
Katie has the most brutal case of mouth herpes I’ve ever seen outside a whore’s mugshot. She was a cute kid, though.
I’d still bang whatever’s left of Cyd Charisse.
Comment by janemarie on 7/26 @ 1:20 am #
Catherine Zeta-Jones would do much better–I loved her in “Chicago”.
Comment by billypaintbrush on 7/26 @ 4:06 am #
Ah, I think I will put a Rita Hayworth film in and watch her dance with utter joy. A palate cleaner to wash that zombie herky jerky katie holmes away
Comment by Veeshir on 7/26 @ 7:39 am #
Okay, that was worse than I expected. She’s about 98% short of the style, class and gravitas needed to pull that off.
Is Katie Holmes this generation’s Pia Zadora?
Good comparison, Pia showed her breasts more than Katie but I still have to say “Yes”.
Comment by Joe on 7/26 @ 7:50 am #
Scientologists can’t dance.
Look at John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever (pre L.R.H. influence) vs. Hairspray (post L.R.H. influence). And the choreographed arrangements in Battleship Earth was just attrocious.
Katie Holmes is the Patty Hearst of this generation.
Comment by Joe on 7/26 @ 7:54 am #
Good Morning!
Comment by guinsPen on 7/26 @ 7:57 am #
Elllll-ean-or, gee I think you’re Powell.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 7/26 @ 8:47 am #
I’m more of an Ann Miller kind of guy, myself.
Comment by sdferr on 7/26 @ 9:08 am #
Saw Ann Miller in the Capra/Kaufman/Hart You Can’t Take It With You a month or so ago on TCM Slart. She was 15 and dancing en pointe as the ballet studying younger sister of Jean Arthur. It looks to be showing again Aug 30 at 8pm.
Comment by Bob Reed on 7/26 @ 9:22 am #
After watching all of the videos again, I’ll still go on record as saying Katie Holmes is the modern day Pia Zadora-without the nudity…
She’s not even on the same scale with Syd Charisse…
Comment by Darleen on 7/26 @ 9:50 am #
Even Princess Leia’s mom was quite the hoofer and singer in her day.
Comment by Joe on 7/26 @ 10:32 am #
Cyd could definitely dance. Debbie is just as cute as Katie was (pre Cruise) and is talented both in singing and dancing.
Comment by Stephanie on 7/26 @ 10:33 am #
You pansies! TFD was the most awesome ride evah! Rode that sucker 6 times in three days. MF is best at night, but be careful of those bugs in your teeth. The Maverick coaster is the scary one. No big hills, no 0-whatever, but I got bruises on my arms from the jerkinesss of the thing. I must say that the Magnum coaster puts your tits back were there were in your youth, too. If only for a second or so….
Ahhh. Good times…
Comment by Stephanie on 7/26 @ 10:33 am #
Where they were…
need coffee.
Comment by Joe on 7/26 @ 10:36 am #
No dancing, but this song is rather catchy too.
Comment by Tom Lee on 7/26 @ 5:31 pm #
I thought Pia Zadora was this generation’s Pia Zadora.
Comment by Joe on 7/26 @ 7:25 pm #
Skill trumps vanity every day… I wanted to find the scene with the axes.
Comment by cynn on 7/26 @ 8:09 pm #
eating their own is a beautiful thing. Bon appetit, and thanks for all the fish.
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[...] Darlene Click over at Protein Wisdom has a post about…. Dancing? [...]
Comment by guinsPen on 7/26 @ 9:33 pm #
You’re welcome.
Comment by Joe on 7/27 @ 9:08 am #
Scary Dancer
Comment by Robohobo on 7/28 @ 1:38 pm #
Pia Zadora:
“All the right stuff put together wrong.”
Katie Holmes, too?