Early this morning, after a couple cups of coffee and a belt of Old Crow, I pulled on my leather riding gear and — armed with nothing more than a saddle bag full of dried feed and some labor pamphlets I borrowed from the PLP — pushed north along a series of dusty county roads that lead to a cluster of farms in rural Colorado where free range chickens are raised.
And I’m proud to say that by 8:15 this AM, I had (with only a handful of dissenters, all of whom were subsequently pecked to death) completely unionized the chickens.
I figure the negotiations, which I’ve been pegged to handle, will add another $6 – $7 to the price of a Whole Foods roaster, and at least $3 to a dozen free range eggs — which is only fitting, given that the preening, environmentally-conscious fuckers who laud such specialty items are looking to add a couple bucks in taxes to the price of my gasoline, and will likely drive the up the price of beer, too, what with all their grain subsidies.
Developing…
Comment by Pablo Abu Jamal on 11/18 @ 10:49 am #
Me, I’m gonna organize the pigs.
They’re what? Oh.
Comment by Bob Reed on 11/18 @ 10:54 am #
Did the chickens hold a secret ballot..? Or did the largest hens in the yard inform the others of the correct way to vote…
Are we gonna have to make a video sampling the chickens who voted…
Howthechickens organized.com
Comment by thor on 11/18 @ 11:01 am #
Aramdillo eggs not good enough for ya anymore?
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 11/18 @ 11:02 am #
Don’t forget to wrap one of those chickens up in duct tape and photoshop him into that creepy night-vision snapshot of the local congressman you took by the pool at the last “Meet Your Representative” get together at the Holiday Inn Express. Gotta make sure it’s “Fair” trade, not free trade.
OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH….loook for the Union label….
Comment by apotheosis on 11/18 @ 11:03 am #
Nothing so embodies the proud, unbroken spirit of the frontier lifestyle like the noble free-range chicken.
Comment by snuffles on 11/18 @ 11:11 am #
What is the name of the new chicken union?
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 11/18 @ 11:12 am #
Save the Texas Prairie Chicken!
Comment by Jeff G. on 11/18 @ 11:15 am #
Chickens United for Hope and Change!
They’ll be holding out for a game room, nap breaks, and a spa.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 11/18 @ 11:18 am #
Not to mention retiree health care. Do you have any idea how much a month in the burn unit costs?
Comment by actor212 on 11/18 @ 11:22 am #
An outlaw???
ROFLMAO!
Yer about as much an outlaw as, ohhhhhhhh, I don’t know, a five year old with a stick pony, Jeff.
You’re too funny, only unintentionally…
Comment by BJTexs on 11/18 @ 11:24 am #
actor212 needs to be sure to put out that ass fire while he’s ROFLMAO.
Drop, tuck and roll …
Comment by Defenseman Emeritus on 11/18 @ 11:31 am #
JeffG: I pulled on my leather riding gear…
I hope this doesn’t mean “assless chaps.”
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 11/18 @ 11:47 am #
I’ll take the hen. You take the cock and pullet.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 11/18 @ 11:50 am #
I hate free-range eggs.
Know why?
Becasuse they’re runny!
Comment by N. O'Brain on 11/18 @ 11:51 am #
actor, here’s a quarter.
Go buy a Clueâ„¢.
Comment by BJTexs on 11/18 @ 11:53 am #
Mr. O’Brain: BA-DUM CHING!
Will you be here all week? (heh)
Comment by Jeff G. on 11/18 @ 12:18 pm #
Did actor212 question my OUTLAWYNESS three times? Or did the New York off-off-off broadway bit part player simply get so excited from rolling around on the floor, laughing its ass off, that it overused the question mark?
The OUTLAW needs to know. That’s how he gauges his Establishment enemies.
Comment by SarahW on 11/18 @ 12:19 pm #
Civilian Chicken Security Force. For the bunnies.
Fear the well-fundedness.
Comment by SarahW on 11/18 @ 12:20 pm #
Link to Security Poul”tr”ice
Comment by Huey on 11/18 @ 12:22 pm #
Wrong industry. Other than Washington De Capitol, chicken shit has little value.
Comment by Sticky B on 11/18 @ 12:29 pm #
Free range catfish are actually easier to unionize. And just as tasty.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 11/18 @ 12:34 pm #
C’mon, you know you can only be an outlaw if THE MAN gives you permission.
Comment by gebrauchshund on 11/18 @ 12:58 pm #
Aren’t all chaps assless? I mean, if they has an ass, they’d be pants, wouldn’t they?
Pingback by Jules Crittenden » When The Going Gets Tough … on 11/18 @ 1:51 pm #
[...] Protein Wisdom: Citizen outlaw prepares for life under obamist socialism. Chickens unionized before breakfast. [...]
Comment by urthshu on 11/18 @ 1:54 pm #
>>Aren’t all chaps assless?
Didn’t you bring that up last time we discussed assless chaps? I’m not sure, but the subject does come up frequently around here…
NTTAWWT
Comment by JBean on 11/18 @ 4:10 pm #
I’ve always wondered…what are those chickens ranging on, and is it really free? And furthermore, how far do they range?
These are deep questions that a union organizer should study — for the chicken justice!
Comment by Sdferr on 11/18 @ 4:13 pm #
Chicken justice is too individuall-y, JBean. . . . .Maybe shoot for flock justice, or perhaps better, roost justice…..
Comment by SSG Ratso on 11/18 @ 9:27 pm #
The Super Target people get annoyed with me when I continually ask to be directed to the INorganic produce.
OUTLAW!
Comment by lee bh on 11/18 @ 9:47 pm #
I’ve always wondered…what are those chickens ranging on, and is it really free?
Nah, free range chicken is just a chickens what got rights. They aren’t inalienable rights, but apparently Jeff is working on that.