November 11, 2008

red pills behind the sofa cushions (procatalepsis, 3)

I know I said he wasn’t my monkey, but for a presumptuous interloper, he’s not only been keeping the bathroom clean and pitching in on the rent, but he sure does the whole cuddle thing well.

In fact, with those teeth and that build, having him spoon you is lot like being comforted by a hairy British midget, albeit with the hand strength of a Swedish massage therapist. And with nary a mention of Manchester United, or any of that incessant gossip about Prince Harry, Elton John, and a few ill-timed ketamine cocktails.

– At least, that’s what I imagine it’s like.

Hairy British midgets are at a premium around these parts, truth be told, and I’m not a particularly wealthy man…

Posted by Jeff G. @ 12:36am
34 comments | Trackback

Comments (34)

  1. Seems completely reasonable. But then I’m chasing vicodin with old crow, so lots of things seem reasonable about now.

  2. he’s not only been keeping the bathroom clean and pitching in on the rent

    But does he “catch”? Then you’ve got something.

  3. I know I said he wasn’t my monkey, but for a presumptuous interloper, he’s not only been keeping the bathroom clean and pitching in on the rent, but he sure does the whole cuddle thing well.

    I think you mean an “officious intermeddler.”

  4. The Portuguese are shorter and much hairier than the British.

  5. Next stop, Planet of The Apes!

  6. My wife is waiting to be admitted to the hospital for a weeks worth of ketamine cocktails to treat her RSD.

  7. spoon you is lot like being comforted by a hairy British midget

    I thought you’d given up Andrew Sullivan posts.

  8. I’m happy to see that Jeff feels relaxed enough to take a little recreation now and then. Now he needs to throw a few parties.

    Or get a different sofa.

    Regards,
    Ric

  9. cuddlemonkeys!

  10. I have a monkey story but I’m not telling you.

  11. Monkey hate clean.

  12. Comment chuckle of the day:

    …there is not room in the GOP for me and Sarah Palin.

    Someone else can pick up the pieces. I am with the Democrats until they go nuts.

    I’m guessing he’s waiting around for a three-quarters majority.

  13. Oh, that last was said by John Cole in comments over at ObsidianWings. I can’t link you to it, because they’ve gone to paged comments and the links aren’t taking you to the right place anymore.

  14. If he isn’t mentioning Manchester United then he’s probably a hotspur supporter. They don’t have much to talk about right now accept avoiding relagation. Monkey, or no, relagation takes it out of you.

  15. ‘feets, I have a monkey story too. Mine is too sad to tell.

    A monkey tragedy,really.

    It involves a garage door opener…I can say no more.

  16. John Cole has left the Republican party? Oh my, whatever will become of Balloon Juice? Will it be taken over by moonbats?

    Heaven forefend.

  17. “Comment by thor on 11/11 @ 4:59 am #

    The Portuguese are shorter and much hairier than the British.”

    Your girlfriend is Portugese?

  18. …there is not room in the GOP for me and Sarah Palin.

    Another of those Things I Do Not Get — the Palin hatred. All I can figure is it’s a symptom of either being so cocooned in the Media Reality you believe all the crap they’ve said about her, or being so concerned with being a Cool Kid you’ll go along with anything.

  19. Oh.

    Happy Vetern’s Day to all youse guys and gals what served the greatest country on God’s green Earth.

  20. DITTO!

  21. Me, too Rob. She governed, as Jeff has shown repeatedly, rather libertarian. I guess the political is also the personal to jackasses like John Cole. But no one has made a case of how “bad” she would have been. No one. It’s all been “she’s stupid”. Ironically, it was usually said by rather stupid people.

    Also, I second N. O’Brain’s wishes of Happy Veterans Day to all who have served. Thank you very much for your service.

  22. Heh.

    John thinks Republicans are, in general, more crazed than his own commentariat.

    Someone’s gyros are way out of cal.

  23. Someone’s gyros are way out of cal.

    I truly love gyros, but they’re way too high cal.

  24. Oh, that was TRULY awful.

  25. There’s not enough room in the Republican party for me and all the effiminate bitches who don’t care for Sarah Palin. So adios motherfucker.

  26. …there is not room in the GOP for me and Sarah Palin.

    He couldn’t have quit the GOP over Ted Stevens or Trent Lott, but he jumps ship because of Sarah Palin???

  27. The mind control, it is strong over this one.

  28. He couldn’t have quit the GOP over Ted Stevens or Trent Lott, but he jumps ship because of Sarah Palin???

    All the cool kids are doing it.

  29. Cole rides a recumbent bike in order to shed excess body fat. He lives in West Virginia. He hosts a website filled with bile and ad hominem.

    In other words, he’s about as “cool” as Pat Boone doing heavy metal.

  30. In other words, he’s about as “cool” as Pat Boone doing heavy metal.

    Which is why he’s so desperate to follow the herdpack.

  31. Me? I make a passing, rather offhand comment in the comments section about my nostalgic longing for a red pills post, and badabing, there it appears.

    I feel like, so, EMPOWERED. Because, you know, it’s all about ME.

    Now, if it weren’t so sexually ambiguous and morally, shall we say, “experimental” I might find my empowerment a bit less, oh, I dunno, creepy.

    But as much as I hate to clean the bathroom, I guess I can say that I feel for you. If you know what I mean.

  32. Nice articles jeff..

  33. The mind control, it is strong over this one.

Leave a Reply