**SEE BELOW FOR POSTS THAT, MORE THAN LIKELY, HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH FILTHY POLITICS**
****
You may ask: Will GIVING really stop the O! juggearnaut, Jeff? Well, probably not. But what it will do is allow me to buy our little armored pal a bag of high-grade hydroponic weed so that, come the 5th, he doesn’t freak out and storm through the neighborhood strafing bees nests with the antique Gatling gun he took off some trustfund bunny for a pair of Vicodin and a liter bottle of cheap potato vodka.
The little guy hates him some socialists, you see, so he’s been known to drink his courage up, drape himself in an American flag, and slaughter drones by the thousands.
– Which, that’s not the problem so much as that he tends to get a little sloppy with the spray pattern from time to time, and I’m left having to pay for a bunch of windshields and — once — funeral services for a tabby cat named Hector.
Don’t make me relive that, people. I beg of you.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/29 @ 9:20 pm #
Oh. I’m at about 74%. So there’s still time. GO TEAM!
And thanks to all who’ve contributed. I sent out brief thank you emails yesterday and today, so if I missed you somehow, write me to let me know what an ass I am.
Comment by Clint on 10/29 @ 9:24 pm #
Jeff, you’re an ass. I specifically said not to bother, and yet you went and did it anyway.
I hope that makes you feel better
Comment by McGehee on 10/29 @ 9:29 pm #
But GIVING and VOTING will certainly do more to stop the O!gernaut than not GIVING or VOTING would do.
</public service announcement>
Comment by happyfeet on 10/29 @ 9:31 pm #
I caught the ear thing there I did. What bugs me most though is how he says policeh. Tax policeh health care policeh energy policeh blah blah blah you dirty socialist. You just want to break shit and herd people into manageable groups you dirty socialist Chicago hack piece of shit. Snotty dividey class-warmonger.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/29 @ 9:52 pm #
Glad you caught that. And look, I even trotted out the armadillo. Have I no shame?
Anyhow, some people who donated through Amazon didn’t provide their names, so to all you anonymous donors, a hearty thank you, and — if you’re one of those, a respectful God bless you.
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/29 @ 10:40 pm #
hi!
um, one of the larger ones, yeah… that’s it.
okay, no. a pittance, but um, I’ve told you all about the sewer backup yes? and this just after we’d decided we could afford a trip to D.C. for our 10th anniversary.
oh! I can make ramen noodles in the hotel coffee maker can’t I?
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/29 @ 10:41 pm #
Those little travel irons make killer grilled cheeses, maggie.
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/29 @ 10:44 pm #
yes! thanks SBP.
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/29 @ 10:44 pm #
I can tackle some protesters for the tin foil.
Comment by Hap Hazard on 10/30 @ 12:03 am #
OK. fell for this pitch. Now tell us again when to expect your next departure from the site?
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 12:06 am #
Well, we’ll have to see. Now that I’m ridding myself of a good deal of the negative energy from some of the trolls who like to take shots at me personally, I’m surprisingly calm.
For someone whose country is going batshit crazy, I mean.
Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 12:10 am #
message in a bottle/where do i send a check?
it’s burning me up!
my pee stings tho-
so my urine is slowly fading from warm to
not so warm-to-room temp-to-my pants seem wet-to cool
to trying to rub it out-to-
did i mention i was cool?
Comment by cranky-d on 10/30 @ 12:22 am #
The way I saw it, the donation was for services already rendered.
Comment by mojo on 10/30 @ 2:59 am #
Like the man said: “It couldn’t hurt.”
Comment by mojo on 10/30 @ 3:10 am #
From: Ammo Barn
To: T. Dillo
Subject: Purchase order
Re: Order # 30825674
Dear Sir -
We are unable to complete your order at this time. Unfortunately, .58 caliber Gatling ammunition of this sort ceased production sometime in 1879, as best we can determine.
We regret being unable to provide your ammo, as we pride ourselves on our service. We look forward to meeting all your ammo needs in the future.
Yours, etc.
Jacob Wilkerson,
General Manager
Comment by Lyndsey on 10/30 @ 5:31 am #
All I would wish for in thanks is a little less thor on the site.
I don’t want dissenting voices silenced, I’d just appreciate not feeling as if I should bleach my eyeballs when I’m reading down through a post. Just sayin’ is all…
Comment by SDN on 10/30 @ 6:04 am #
“Have I no shame?”
“Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit;
For ’tis a throne where honour may be crown’d
Sole monarch of the universal earth.” Romeo and Juliet, Act 3, Scene 2
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 6:08 am #
What bugs me most though is how he says policeh. Tax policeh health care policeh energy policeh blah blah blah you dirty socialist.
For me this is the crux. I’m no campaign mgr. mind you. I probably couldn’t manage a Pampered Chef party. But this, to me, is why the Rev Wright thing is more important than Johnny realizes.
When Obama goes into his “preacher mode” with the “POLICEH”, the bent thumbs and the Jesus-hands, the far off look, and the hop step, you realize that he sat in the pew for 20 years and said to himself “Dayum! Look how Jeremiah whips these poor people up and they give him money, and they’re still poor. Look how he holds his hands. Listen to the pace of his speech. Look how he brings them all in by not looking at any of them. That’s what I’m gonna do! I’ll be rich and powahfuh! That’s gonna be my policeh!”
Comment by Pablo on 10/30 @ 7:15 am #
“…they give him moneh, and they’re still poor.
FTFY. Now, take yours into the woods and bury it, next to the canned goods but not the ammo.
Comment by Pablo on 10/30 @ 7:16 am #
Can you imagine a closequote at the end of that first sentence? YES YOU CAN!
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 7:27 am #
I got that Pablo. I’m just having a brain-cramp over FTFY.
“Fuck that fucking yammering”? “For the first year”? “Forget the fucking yahoos”?
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 7:42 am #
ha ha,
gotta be kidding.
I paid up for twenty years!
That’s a Pabst Blue Ribbon Dickhead right there.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/30 @ 7:46 am #
juggearnaut
Just caught this.
Well-played, sir.
Comment by Clint on 10/30 @ 8:40 am #
alp, the Trinity folks are far from poor, working class dudes just paying homage to the baby Jesus. They’re the Southside elites – educated, hard-working lawyers and bankers. Oprah was a member.
O! didn’t join that church because it would make him feel better to lift the poor out of the gutter; he joined so he’d have connections.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 8:52 am #
the Trinity folks are far from poor
I was thinking of the congregants in the bleachers.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 8:56 am #
#18 The use of the preacher-patter is second only in annoying obviousness, to his use of the sly-preaching gestures. (Brushing hillary off his lapels, the telegraphed, faux-bird eye-poke.
Farrakhan,
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 8:56 am #
Arsenio must have drawn his inspiration for the preacher in Coming to America from Wright: “There is a Gaw-ad! Some-wheh-ya!…”
A brilliant performance he gave in that movie.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 9:00 am #
I meant to erase that last bit.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 9:01 am #
It’s old school dry-bones preachin’, bitterly buttered in BLT.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 9:03 am #
Man…you ain’t never met no Martin Luther the Kang.
Comment by Pablo on 10/30 @ 9:03 am #
Fixed that for you.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 9:04 am #
I was gratified to see someone at American Thinker today also referring to O as a “red diaper baby”.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 9:06 am #
As that is crucial to understanding O’s outlook and intellectual, uh, uh uh, development.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 9:16 am #
Fixed that for you.
Thanks. With a little more energeh, I could have unmystified your leviteh.
Comment by McGehee on 10/30 @ 9:17 am #
Yeah, well, I um…
Okay, I didn’t even see the ear trick until HF pointed it out.
But at least I knew that when giving via Amazon you have to let the recipient know you did it. >:-p
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/30 @ 9:19 am #
Brothersuh and Sistersuh, I wantuh yuhuh to giveuh generuhslyuh to Jeffuh! Breakuh outtuh yuh walletsuh, smashuh yuh pigguhbankuh and giveuh! Cashuh inuh yuh 401uh(K)uh, beforeuh it’suh wuhthlessuh and giveuh!
Comment by Sdferr on 10/30 @ 9:21 am #
What, did no-one learn at the knee of Father Divine?
Comment by alppuccino on 10/30 @ 9:22 am #
Mushmouth?
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 9:54 am #
On dry-bone organizing, the ultimate community organizer throwdown sermon.
Comment by Benedick on 10/30 @ 9:56 am #
Jeff – I made my meager contribution just now (I like to make you dance for a few days before I flip a coin in your hat).
Strikes me, though, that if you simply get Pay Pal to turn off some basic security features, you could be rolling in donations from dead dictators.
Comment by irongrampa on 10/30 @ 9:57 am #
This anonymous donor says you are welcome.
Perhaps donating won’t stop him, voting Mccain WILL,however.
Final thought-it’s apparent Obama wants YOU to be his brother’s keeper.
Comment by Benedick on 10/30 @ 10:00 am #
Well played, IG. And his aunt’s keeper, of course.
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 10:12 am #
And his uncle’s.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 10:25 am #
By the way. 5th day in, and nary a link or mention from PJM or any of its bloggers (well, to be fair, a think a few people associated with Pajamas have linked a post either here or at the Pub).
But hey, they’re here to RAISE MY PROFILE! MAKE ME A STAR!
Comment by happyfeet on 10/30 @ 10:27 am #
I bet if you looked like Andy Richter they’d be all over you. You should consult your stylist.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 10:43 am #
That’s it. I’m running this fucking thing right up to election day.
If Obama wins, it’s YOUR FAULT, people!
Comment by Bob Reed on 10/30 @ 10:58 am #
“The little guy hates him some socialists, you see, so he’s been known to drink his courage up, drape himself in an American flag, and slaughter drones by the thousands.”
Are you referring to the armadillo, or Jesse “The Body” Ventura…?
I mean, the idea of little is a bit subjective depending on your own physical size, and state of gross over-development…
I’m jus’ sayin’…
Comment by Anonymous Donor on 10/30 @ 11:54 am #
I comment occasionally but I read your site every day. I’m happy to throw in what I can, but I feel as if I ought to be paying tuition.
Thanks for everything.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 12:00 pm #
TUITION IS FREE UNDER THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION!
(of course, you’ll be taught by high school dropouts and public school civics teachers, so, like, you get what you pay for, I guess…).
Comment by Diana on 10/30 @ 12:10 pm #
Why didn’t you tell us, Jeff?
Comment by thor on 10/30 @ 1:39 pm #
See, this what you get with a crowd of Redumblicans.
My Fair Lady, bleach is meant to drink, not to bath in. You fuckin’ hick, bath in acetone and drink the bleach. Why do we big city folk have to explain everything to you cave-dwelling goat herders?
Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 1:49 pm #
from my village-i send goat..
the idiot has left the mud-hut/
he’s running for…something-something[office?what's an office?]
ps/he likes puking in your ‘toilets’
Comment by lee on 10/30 @ 3:12 pm #
I don’t think you should talk to communists without preconditions. The preconditions should be:
1) you shoot the communist first.
2) you limit your talk to: “what ya got to say now motherfucker?
You know, the General McArthur approach.
Comment by Lyndsey on 10/30 @ 3:27 pm #
You just proved my point. I could disagree with you on lots of things, but I’d never say anything like that to you. You’re crude. It detracts from anything meaningful you might have to say. God bless you and have a great weekend:)
Comment by Lyndsey on 10/30 @ 3:30 pm #
Oh, and it’s BATHE…not bath.
~the fuckin’ hick
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/30 @ 4:31 pm #
Oh, and it’s BATHE…not bath.
He did it twice. Not a typo.
Comment by thor on 10/30 @ 5:45 pm #
You win the smelling bee.
Comment by Carin on 10/30 @ 6:20 pm #
Lyndsey, letting thor win is akin to letting the terrorists win. Wear the thor insult like a badge of honor, because you’re among fine company.
Comment by Lyndsey on 10/30 @ 7:34 pm #
No worries, Carin. He’s mad at everyone. Made me laugh that anything I said was worth that kind of a detailed response. I just wanted less crudeness and more truthiness. I thought the thor was half full and not half empty. I’m naive.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/30 @ 7:39 pm #
How are things going? There seems to be a lull in the election thing and Kai Ryssdal is a socialist pansy. He sounds like he thinks he’s pretty cool but to me he sounds like he wears sandals and doesn’t eat meat and likes to hook up with guys he meets online and have them come over to his apartment and they both take of their clothes and listen to Sufjan Stevens and talk about sandals and how they hate meat. I think I might take my snoozle pills and just get to work really early tomorrow.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 10/30 @ 7:41 pm #
“Redumblicans.”
The devolution of thor. No matter who is president, you’ll still be an idiot, thor. No worries.
Comment by urthshu on 10/30 @ 7:50 pm #
If we give Jeffy all our monies, he told me he’d put it all under his bed and Baracky wouldn’t be able to get it, and then Baracky would be all EPIC.FAIL.
He was very persuasive on the matter.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 8:06 pm #
Not only that, if he sends his goons over to try to collect, I’ll snap their limbs for the trouble.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 10/30 @ 8:19 pm #
Please put that on your new web channel. And if need be, send me an e-mail, I’ll take the train out your way and I’ll be glad to bust up some goons. It’ll be like old times. Except with you.
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/30 @ 8:52 pm #
What did you use to make this post sticky? And how do I get it off of my hands?
Comment by Steve on 10/30 @ 9:10 pm #
New Obama video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnd5l1_uD0M
Comment by TmjUtah on 10/30 @ 9:14 pm #
I got half way through the hardware store before somebody pointed out that I had a blog bleg update stuck to the back of my lumberjack shirt.
But that’s okay.
Glad to hear that thor remains unchanged. But the burning issue I must answer now is pretty simple: twenty year old, massive California furniture warehouse solid oak dining room table. The twenty years of meals, holiday feasts, kids’ watercolors, and the odd dropped plate are all sawdust now, and I’ve got two coats of golden oak stain on…
Tung oil finish or satin polyurethane? The fate of nations may hang on my decision.
FUCK I wish it was Wednesday.
Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 10:34 pm #
halfway hard-thats my vote for the cain
satin poly-wear a mask
Comment by SarahW on 10/30 @ 11:00 pm #
Wax.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 10/30 @ 11:08 pm #
…So, am I the only one watching ‘Red Dawn’ next Tuesday night?
“It was 5 to 1…I got four.”
I think Powers Boothe should have added a “mother fucker” in there somewhere, but I’m totally cool letting it go.
WOLVERINES!!!!
Comment by lee on 10/30 @ 11:12 pm #
Tung oil finish or satin polyurethane?
Tung oil finish. It may taste bad, but you will save money on paint applicators.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/30 @ 11:20 pm #
Tung oil or wax.
It’s a terrible thing to put poly on a good piece of furniture.
Comment by JD on 10/30 @ 11:24 pm #
There seems to be a lull in the election thing and Kai Ryssdal is a socialist pansy. He sounds like he thinks he’s pretty cool but to me he sounds like he wears sandals and doesn’t eat meat and likes to hook up with guys he meets online and have them come over to his apartment and they both take of their clothes and listen to Sufjan Stevens and talk about sandals and how they hate meat. I think I might take my snoozle pills and just get to work really early tomorrow.
Thank you for this, happyfeet. I am rolling.
Tung oil just sounds cool.
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/30 @ 11:25 pm #
Update: about 82-83%
Thanks, all!
Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 11:28 pm #
could u chop that table up and make arrows?
poison the tips and lead a revolution[or sumtin]
right behind ya man
ur the bomb!
Comment by JD on 10/30 @ 11:38 pm #
Wish I could give more at this time, but glad to hear you are getting close.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/30 @ 11:49 pm #
Tung oil sounds like something you’d buy in a porn shop.
Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 11:59 pm #
i did not split this coconut
for a gilligans isle bra
i split the coconut so we could ‘ride’ into battle
clop-clop sir robin-clop
right behind ya!
Comment by ginsocal on 10/31 @ 3:46 pm #
What is this “porn shop” of which you speak?