October 29, 2008
complete text of Obama’s campaign infomercial

Note: For entertainment purposes only. No guarantees real or implied. Buyer assumes all risk. None of these claims have been verified by independent organizations. Speaker is a paid actor. All sales final. We reserve the right to continue billing you until you die. And then we reserve the right to tax you after death, and to tax your beneficiaries. All proceeds to be held in trust by us. For your own good. You’ll thank us later. You’re welcome. Now, go eat something healthy. We’re watching you.

49 Comments  :::   Post a comment »

  1. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 7:29 pm #

    I was watching Aliens

  2. Comment by MTW on 10/29 @ 7:33 pm #

    I was watching Ghost Hunters.

  3. Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/29 @ 7:34 pm #

    “He talks purty, don’t he?”

    – Some Heinlein character or other

    We now have official confirmation that new qualifying figure for Barky’s Magickal Tax Cuts is <= $200,000 year.

    We should start a pool on the date the number drops to $50K.

  4. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 7:34 pm #

    One of the “5 million jobs” created by switching to wind power: Cleaning up the dead birds.

    When he said “million” did he have his pinky at his mouth?

  5. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 7:36 pm #

    At least one bright spot: In order to clear the required acreage needed to make wind power practical for national energy needs, they’ll have to repeal the Endangered Species Act

  6. Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/29 @ 7:40 pm #

    Barky: We’re adding a little something to this month’s victimhood contest. As you all know, first prize is a fat reparations check. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is you get to pay 95% income tax. Third prize is you go to a reeducation camp.

  7. Comment by Dave Nolen on 10/29 @ 7:41 pm #

    “We should start a pool on the date the number drops to $50K.”

    11/5/08

  8. Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/29 @ 7:44 pm #

    I was at a pizza parlor. They had O’Reilly on. Not a big fan, but considering the alternative…

  9. Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/29 @ 7:46 pm #

    Oh, and I predict 1/27/09 for the hot poker up the $50k ass.

  10. Comment by Mossberg500 on 10/29 @ 7:47 pm #

    Obama’s wind power initiative

  11. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 7:50 pm #

    Heh. It just had to be a Beetle. A Hitler would be proud.

  12. Comment by Joan of Argghh! on 10/29 @ 8:05 pm #

    Dammit, I’m gonna hafta hit the damn tip jar for that. LOL!!

  13. Comment by JHoward on 10/29 @ 8:08 pm #

    …and I refuse to deny that I’m a Socialist. A lousy dirty Socialist.

  14. Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/29 @ 8:14 pm #

    PHILLIES WIN PHILLIES WIN PHILLIES WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  15. Comment by cynn on 10/29 @ 8:21 pm #

    Baseball is the ultimate salve.

  16. Comment by Mossberg500 on 10/29 @ 8:41 pm #

    Salve is racist!

  17. Comment by happyfeet on 10/29 @ 8:47 pm #

    We can once more choose our better history is a lie. New agey dirty socialist bitch talk is what that is I think.

  18. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 8:52 pm #

    We can once more vote down teh socialist bastiches

  19. Comment by Spiny Norman on 10/29 @ 9:01 pm #

    #3 SBP

    We now have official confirmation that new qualifying figure for Barky’s Magickal Tax Cuts is <= $200,000 year.

    We should start a pool on the date the number drops to $50K.

    Barney Frank was already talking about $75K.

  20. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 9:01 pm #

    And anyway, choosing our better history?

    Here I thought Baracky was all hopey and changey and now he just wants to turn back the clock to something where all our chickens will just come home to roost again

    Can’t he just pick a theme and stick to it?

  21. Comment by charles austin on 10/29 @ 9:01 pm #

    Infomercials. Where useless crap is sold to suckers using unverifiable claims and impossible promises. But wait, there’s more! Vote in the next two days and they’ll send you an extra ballot at no extra cost! Send cash now!

  22. Comment by TmjUtah on 10/29 @ 9:01 pm #

    I just spent five minutes perusing the Excitable Greek Lady’s place.

    Plan A for Tuesday was to put in an order for some Transportation or Construction stocks.

    I think instead I’m going to go for some Pharma; I don’t think there is worldwide capacity to scratch the surface of the demand for anti depressants that a McCain win will trigger.

  23. Comment by Spiny Norman on 10/29 @ 9:03 pm #

    A bit of history:

    How many of you believed him when Bill Clinton was promising a “middle class tax cut” in the ‘92 campaign? Made it the centerpiece of his economic plan.

    Heh.

  24. Comment by psycho... on 10/29 @ 9:03 pm #

    I made a Bride of Frankenstein wig for my cat.

  25. Comment by Ric Locke on 10/29 @ 9:04 pm #

    TmjUtah, what you should really do is lay in a stock of revolvers, each loaded with one (1) round.

    Regards,
    Ric

  26. Comment by urthshu on 10/29 @ 9:06 pm #

    pharma will gain either way.

  27. Comment by geoffb on 10/29 @ 9:07 pm #

    Reasons I didn’t watch.

    Jeff G. writes a better speech than Axelturf.

    Rush will broadcast the funny parts tomorrow.

    TV is too expensive to throw a brick at it.

    Lastly there is not one damn thing any socialist/leftist can say that I haven’t heard a million times since the 60’s and they all would rather climb a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth. So screw him and the asshole he rode in on.

    />rant

  28. Comment by TmjUtah on 10/29 @ 9:16 pm #

    “TmjUtah, what you should really do is lay in a stock of revolvers, each loaded with one (1) round.”

    No way. I did the charitable thing in 2004, and bought airline tickets to Toronto for distribution to distraught Liberals.

    I’ll make a buck off their continuing pain, but I’m not providing a way out.

    Not this time.

  29. Comment by Limoncello on 10/29 @ 9:32 pm #

    You know what America needs? A nice, friendly, offshore place to park its money.

  30. Comment by geoffb on 10/29 @ 9:45 pm #

    Or a nice unfriendly offshore place to park the Left.

    I hear they are going to be empty at Gitmo soon. Lots of nice tropical weather.

  31. Comment by JD on 10/29 @ 10:03 pm #

    choosing our better history?

    Since the Left is so adept at rewriting history, this is the only logical endpoint.

  32. Comment by pdbuttons on 10/29 @ 10:43 pm #

    betting on choosey history/like..in the supermarket/i always go for the chewy cookies
    they are so soft
    and chewy
    i own a chevy!

  33. Comment by maggie katzen on 10/29 @ 10:47 pm #

    watched disc 4 of season 3 of Babylon 5. It’s been better than the first season, but I still occasionally groan at their lame attempts at comic relief. and they really should have avoided anything requiring people to act crazy.

    oh, and made cupcakes.

  34. Comment by peter jackson on 10/29 @ 10:47 pm #

    How many of you believed him when Bill Clinton was promising a “middle class tax cut” in the ‘92 campaign? Made it the centerpiece of his economic plan.

    Heh.

    He was all about the Hope and Change too, remember? It worked then too.

    ~peter

  35. Comment by Cook County Election Officer on 10/29 @ 11:23 pm #

    Kate-

    i own a chevy!

    I haven’t made that mistake since 1981- aren’t you supposed to be ‘intelligent’?

  36. Comment by pdbuttons on 10/29 @ 11:25 pm #

    he was from Hope[ARK ARK]
    until he changed
    bride of frankenstein wig 4 cats!

  37. Comment by Topsecretk9 on 10/29 @ 11:42 pm #

    I’m just curious, was there a starbusrt that said we could buy this with 3 convenient payments of $19.95 or an “as seen in TV guide” on the right hand side of the screen of the Obamamercial?

  38. Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/29 @ 11:56 pm #

    Was Billy Mays present? Or just Billy Ayers?

  39. Comment by pdbuttons on 10/30 @ 12:17 am #

    see the usa in a chevrolet/what cars do
    a-cops
    b cabs
    c gov
    own?
    chevys rule-fool
    guess all those cabbies and cops be stupid?
    the caprice-best damn car ever made

  40. Comment by Spiny Norman on 10/30 @ 12:26 am #

    #38 SBP

    Billy Mays would’ve been perfect!

  41. Comment by mojo on 10/30 @ 3:18 am #

    I had better things to do. Eayting Pizza and getting shit-faced on some good Pinot Noir.

    So sue me.

  42. Comment by C Smith on 10/30 @ 3:18 am #

    Could somebody do one of those YouTube treatments a la Pulp Fiction: (NSFW) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxcei2eOCMo
    taking all of the “I am” and “I will” statements together?
    While only doing a TiVo cruise of the River of Kool-Aid, it seemed like this would be a hoot.

  43. Comment by Lyndsey on 10/30 @ 5:37 am #

    I watched Monsterquest.

  44. Comment by Carin on 10/30 @ 6:10 am #

    i went to the home depot.

  45. Comment by geoffb (JARAIP) on 10/30 @ 6:53 am #

    Re: #33, Maggie,

    The next disc contains an episode, Grey 17 is Missing, that…

    “this episode was one of the weaker ones overall. J. Michael Straczynski, creator of Babylon 5, expressed his own dissatisfaction with a part of this episode,… as well as a desire to apologize to fans in person.”

  46. Comment by Matt, Esq. on 10/30 @ 7:00 am #

    watched the first 3 minutes. Felt the urge to throw something heavy at my TV.

    Switched the channel and waiting on the Rays game. Felt the urge (again) to throw something at the TV as Maddon leaves in the GD submariner even though the Phillies were hitting him like it was tball.

  47. Comment by U-238 on 10/30 @ 7:21 am #

    “It is that fundamental belief – I am my brother’s keeper, I am my sister’s keeper – that makes this country work.”
    Right. So where is Barry’s real brother right now? Oh yeah, living on less money that a Us welfare recipient in Africa.

  48. Comment by william on 10/30 @ 8:34 am #

    If Obama and the Democrats let the “Bush Tax Cuts” lapse, which they plan to do, this will be a de facto tax increase on everyone.

    The American Thinker has a nice little graph here: http://www.americanthinker.com/2008/10/senator_obamas_four_tax_increa.html

  49. Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/30 @ 3:48 pm #

    We’re watching you.

    Citizen Monitor #48976-B: “This guy is boring - wait, he got up.”
    Supervisor #692-S: “Where is he going?” (sinister accent)
    C.M. #48976-B: “The bathroom, he’s taking a…AHHHH! My eyes! By the One! MY EYES!”
    S. #692-S: “You fool! You forgot to engage the monitor filters! Evacuate, this station has been contaminated! Call Haz-Mat to send a Decon Team!”

    Yep, watching the citizenry is going to be soooo much fun.

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