Get it all out now, folks. Here’s your chance to hack into me. Tell me how vile, foul, and silly I am. Tell me how poorly I write, how erratic is my “thinking” (look, I even pre-scare quoted it for you!), how genuinely and generally awful I am such that, were there actually a God (god forbid), He’d be angry at Himself for the very idea of man, so much does my unholy stink blacken His nostrils and sour him on the once blessed notion of creation.
Last chance. Because after this, I start deleting those kinds of comments at my whim.
One day only offer. No money down, no credit check.
Comment by Mr. Whoopsies on 10/13 @ 1:16 pm #
Jeff, your farts smell like roses and rainbows. ;)
Comment by Patrick on 10/13 @ 1:25 pm #
My only complaint is that I get dizzy in the middle of your sentences sometimes. But that’s because I’m a dumbass.
Comment by ThomasD on 10/13 @ 1:25 pm #
Last chance. Because after this, I start deleting those kinds of comments at my whim.
Promises, promises.
Comment by Education Guy on 10/13 @ 1:28 pm #
I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that you smell faintly of elderberries.
Comment by Puck on 10/13 @ 1:30 pm #
Well, you’re aces with this sprite, Jeff.
Even if you’re a Joooo.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/13 @ 1:30 pm #
Well … Well … sputter … Your sentences are VERY, VERY LONG. TOO MANY WORDS.
Lots of words hurt, ya know, but do you care? NOOOOOOO! It’s like you are indulging yourself, ya know? And it’s cruel to write at an intellectual level that forces me to go back and reread 2 OR 3 TIMES. sob
How was that?
Oh and CHICKENHAWKKEYBOARDISTNUTTER!!!!
Comment by Silver Whistle on 10/13 @ 1:31 pm #
You’re not nearly as bad as you think you are.
Comment by FluffyBunniesUnite on 10/13 @ 1:31 pm #
Wow, I think I just fell totally in love with you. Bastard. Oh, wait this is the “theater of hate” not the “peepshow of love” so umm, let me try some hate: You totally make unicorns weep. You Fiend!
Comment by happyfeet on 10/13 @ 1:32 pm #
Scott just feels defensive about Baracky for some reason. I think he identifies with him. I know that sounds odd but I think he does. I don’t get it. Socialism will be completely discredited if it becomes Establishment. Scott knows enough history to know that. Maybe he just likes the sport of it?
Comment by Sdferr on 10/13 @ 1:32 pm #
I’d rather some hint as to whether I ought to make blackbeans or redbeans. I keep waiting for my mouth to say and it’s getting pretty damn tedious, lemme tell you. How about it beaneaters, a hint is all I ask.
Comment by Bod on 10/13 @ 1:34 pm #
Jeff sucks because he never runs a Caturday feature.
And he’s biased away from periods and towards deviant ‘other’ punctuation symbols.
Comment by David Seaton on 10/13 @ 1:35 pm #
I am an American expat, living in Spain and a European style social democrat and I think your blog is a lot of fun and I read it every day.
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 1:37 pm #
I hate that a nautical turn of phrase isn’t enough to make Jeff buy into a meme.
Comment by Rich Cox on 10/13 @ 1:39 pm #
poopy pants
Comment by geoffb (JARAIP) on 10/13 @ 1:39 pm #
You are a hell of a lot nicer than I. And your writing, if I was even 1% as good it would be an immense improvement.
Sorry, I can only hate those who would enslave my son or granddaughter and those who through their actions enable the slave masters. You don’t fit in there.
And for all you lefty socialists out there. Socialism in all it’s forms is slavery, by the State instead of private individuals , but slavery still.
If you hate Jeff G. then you hate me too. And the feeling is mutual.
Comment by Gwenn Greenlald on 10/13 @ 1:41 pm #
Your blog is a vast morass of dispicable rightwing lies. This has been demonstrated to the satsfaction of every intelligent commenter on the internet, by Glenn Greenwald, who has incidentally been cited in Congress, you know.
I BID YOU GOOD DAY, SIR.
Comment by Jay on 10/13 @ 1:42 pm #
I want to take you up on your offer, Jeff, but everytime I start to type, all that wants to come out is a confession about how I want to write like you (and VD Hanson) when I grow up.
I’m sure, in some PoMo way, you can interpret that as a statement of hate. Derrida knows how. Sontag knows how. Chomsky knows how.
Comment by bigbooner on 10/13 @ 1:48 pm #
This was no boating accident.
Comment by Frew on 10/13 @ 1:50 pm #
Our Lord and Master, Dear Leader Obama the Magnificent will know what to do with reprobate reactionaries like you. You won’t have a pot to piss in, a broadband to ban, a internet to enter, a computer to pute, or nothin once he’s done gettin midieval wid yo ass, jooooooooo boi. Mock my woids, youse days of makin fun of yo bettas is OVA!
Comment by Hoodlumman on 10/13 @ 1:52 pm #
I ran over an armadillo in Midland once… just to watch him die.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/13 @ 1:53 pm #
Subprime?
Comment by Hoodlumman on 10/13 @ 1:56 pm #
New research done by yours truly using painstaking and in-depth researchy stuff will show, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that protienwisdom is, in fact, ghost-written by Glenn Reynolds.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 2:00 pm #
The show that never ends.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
Comment by cranky-d on 10/13 @ 2:01 pm #
I want to take umbrage at your frequent us of the parenthetical, the way you use commas when a regular person would commit to using a period and starting a new sentence, and your, most likely, semicolon abuse. However, I cannot, since I never have any trouble following the thoughts espoused therein (being possessed of a memory longer than that of a fruit fly), nor do I consider such writing to be, as some of your detractors have stated, “run-on sentence” (which to my mind merely reveals their lack of education in the language), and furthermore, I often do it myself.
So, ummm…. you use big words that are scary. Sort of. Or not.
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 2:01 pm #
Two-minutes hate! Fuck the fucking fuckers.
Comment by Clint on 10/13 @ 2:02 pm #
Ummm…. You were late in getting back to me in email. Not that you have a life or anything. But dammit!! I needed you!!! (Although I got an A on that paper without your help. Thanks a lot, buddy.)
Comment by Lisa on 10/13 @ 2:03 pm #
You sure are Mr. Crankypants lately, Perf. I must have passed my crankypants on to you.
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 2:05 pm #
Hey, fuck CNN too. Jeff, from what my anonymous super-reliable sources tell me you used to work there. Fuck them and there fucking “Palin: Abuse of Power” subheading can’t even do a goddamn decline bench without seeing one of those fuckers bloviating their motherfucking socialism. FUCK.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/13 @ 2:05 pm #
Ted Koppel I think has box seats in the theater of hate. He sees the racisms and he is concerned. Ohnoes it’s just like Selma all overs Ted says. It must be horrible to see all those years of steady progress just vanish cause of Baracky. If only Baracky had been less socialist maybe people would have been more nicer.
Comment by Joan of Argghh! on 10/13 @ 2:05 pm #
Nah. Tried three times, just can’t do it. You’re teh awesome, Jeff.
I can note, however, that unless Obama starts eating aborted fetuses, live on Oprah, the press won’t have a problem with anything he’s ever done, said, or anyone he’s ever given a political blow job to. And even then, it’s iffy.
Comment by Michael on 10/13 @ 2:06 pm #
Stop picking your nose all the time. It’s disgusting.
Comment by nikkolai on 10/13 @ 2:07 pm #
You seem pretty cool, Jeff. I bet I can hit my 4 iron longer than you, though. Been striping that thing lately.
Comment by JimK on 10/13 @ 2:07 pm #
Your mother wears army boots. So there.
Comment by dani on 10/13 @ 2:12 pm #
you’re such a fucking nerd.
Comment by Silver Whistle on 10/13 @ 2:21 pm #
That was not the Jeff G that I knew.
Comment by FreakyBoy on 10/13 @ 2:22 pm #
Well, normally I wouldn’t qualify for this; but, considering there’s no credit check and nothing down, well heck, it’s practically free:
Hey Jeff, the buttless chaps store called, and they’re running out of you.
See. I knew I wasn’t qualified, and I went ahead and accepted the offer.
I blame the Republicans.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 10/13 @ 2:25 pm #
I shall submit a detailed account of your shortcomings later, Jeff, whilst sipping grasshoppers or mai tais or some such. For now, though, suffice it to say that you’re completely wrong in everything you attempt to say. Racist.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 2:25 pm #
Did I miss something? What prompted this post anyway?
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 2:26 pm #
Since you’re one of those dastardly BLOGGERS I totally can’t link you to back up any negative thing about Obama. Because it’s not in the news, you know, and bloggers can totally make up anything they want about anything.
Damn you, Jeff. You’ve broken my heart, you bastard.
Comment by ushie on 10/13 @ 2:26 pm #
I thought you meant “Theater of Pain,” and was going to mock you for your frightful taste in music.
However, I was incorrect; you typed, “Theater of Hate.” This appears to be an “alternative” band with 763 friends on MySpace. However, I do not know if you are, indeed, one of their “friends,” so I cannot, in all fairness, mock you at this time.
Will await future developments, etc.
Comment by Rob Crawford on 10/13 @ 2:28 pm #
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Crankypants.
Comment by MarkD on 10/13 @ 2:28 pm #
Embrace obfuscation. If I understand what you write, you can’t be an academic.
Is that sufficiently hateful? Have a good day. Disco. Are your ears bleeding yet?
I can be a real jerk sometimes.
Comment by cranky-d on 10/13 @ 2:28 pm #
RACIST!!
Comment by nate on 10/13 @ 2:29 pm #
Surely you’re expecting that kind of response when you write something like “What if Ayers wrote Obama’s books”? I would think it drove up hits like a motherfucker, which I assumed was your goal. Get enough and you’re bound to move up the PJM hierarchy. Excelsior!
Comment by Walter on 10/13 @ 2:35 pm #
Jeff, I rarely find your “thinking” to be erotic. I do read in a hurry, though.
Comment by physics geek on 10/13 @ 2:35 pm #
I have it on good authority that you fart cinnamon scented rainbows.
Comment by slackjawedyokel on 10/13 @ 2:38 pm #
“Atlantic” magazine? Is that the one with the stories on Hillary Clinton’s love affair with the space alien and the captured mermaids and stuff? No wait. That went out of business. Damn. Is it the one with the stupid cartoons that nobody understands but everybody pretends to? No, no, that’s not right. Is it the one with stories on Jamie Lyn’s tummy tuck? Aw, hell. I give up.
Never heard of it.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 2:38 pm #
Under an Obama administration all comments will be carefully screened before they are posted for any racial context including code words that the right uses to inject it. A list of common code words will be distributed after the election but shall include the following. Liberal, Conservative, Republican, Obama, socialist, socialism, tax, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mack, FHA loan, subprime loan, Chicago, Acorn, voter fraud, taxes, raise taxes, fake voter registrations, poor, unemployed, redistribution, wealth, flip-flop, voiced opposition to any Obama program or policy, written opposition to any Obama program or policy, Iraq, withdraw, cut and run, pre-conditions, McCain bumper stickers, GOP, the, and, Hussein, muslim, TUCC, Reverend Wright, AIDS, government, deregulation, opposition to any Supreme Court ruling that Ginsburg does not write the majority opinion for, Islam, abortion, Constitution, rights, right, Palin. List subject to additions at any time.
Comment by JHoward on 10/13 @ 2:39 pm #
Insert “thor” and this makes just as much sense, ‘feets. Or nuggie-san, or any of the other leftists who deign(ed) to interrupt rational goings-on: Not a one has a platform; all have noisy lies and diversions.
Which is to say that the political divide isn’t a linear continuum on which co-equal contestants discuss things rationally and fairly. Which is to explain Jeff’s (and your and my) frustration with the left end of it, the vulgar, profane, dishonest, intolerant end.
It’s asymmetric. It feeds the dependency gene, which is to say the Socialist instinct.
Which is to say the same thing that makes thieves thieves, which is The Lie. Because that’s what first legitimizing and then mandating envy and theft from the central god-power of sheer majority rule is: The un-principle of American Socialism O!-style.
To make your stuff their stuff your mind must heed their mind, regardless if it holds up to any external, higher principle and its scrutiny. Your truth simply must be their truth, even if by coercion, intimidation, or force. Making sense or being sound is, in the end, irrelevant.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 2:39 pm #
You can add terrorism, radical, Ayers, domestic, and terror to that list.
Comment by odrady on 10/13 @ 2:40 pm #
“You’re a towel…”
Comment by Michael on 10/13 @ 2:43 pm #
You don’t post enough lesbian porn.
Comment by Aldo on 10/13 @ 2:44 pm #
If you can’t fall into line behind Obama like the MSM you might as well re-name your blog The Theatre Of Hate. Obviously you have been whipped into an angry frenzy by Palin’s nasty and irresponsible rhetoric of hatred and racism.
Comment by cas on 10/13 @ 2:45 pm #
I cannot believe that you understand and are able to speak the “language” of post-modernism without having once drunk that poisonous Kool-Aid yourself.
So, as Dash Rendar stated a bit earlier, “Two-minutes hate! Fuck the fucking fuckers.”
Comment by Chris on 10/13 @ 2:46 pm #
Dude…
You have been, and remain, my 3rd cup of morning blog; just after Drudge and the blog-father.
Really glad to see when you went single again (My take..? They sucked; it just wasn’t Jeff…)
Don’t quit now, brutha !!!
Semper…
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 2:47 pm #
Now playing on my stereo, “Fuck the World” by ICP.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 2:48 pm #
- ShamWOW – you’ll never go back to paper towels.
- Your eyes are too close together, and your mother dresses you funny.
- When do I get My check?
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 2:49 pm #
ShamWOW – you’ll never go back to paper towels.
Fuck that guy too. I bet you fight like a pus, J.
Comment by towely on 10/13 @ 2:49 pm #
Anybody wanna get high?
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 2:51 pm #
Sorry BBH but that ShamWow commercial sold me. Even though the commercial was overtly racist in it’s tone. Notice all the stains that the white and blue ShamWow towels cleaned up were black. Fuckin racists.
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 2:52 pm #
Please pass the bong.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 2:55 pm #
- You know those Germans, they always make good stuff.
Comment by sparky pants on 10/13 @ 2:55 pm #
JHoward farts nematodes, stabs circus clowns, feasts on grubs and has fantasies involving kangaroos.
BBH smells of what’s left on the curb fresh after a Dutch bum’s relief.
thor? A blind, catatonic goat last seen limping away from a Palestinian prison.
Comment by Rick Smith on 10/13 @ 2:56 pm #
You never channeled Anna Nicole like you said you were.
Comment by tim mcnabb on 10/13 @ 2:56 pm #
See below for Hatred using XML Tags
Mother
Father
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 2:57 pm #
I hate that Jeff gets to wear Lisa’s crankypants. Didn’t bring enough for everybody, eh sugartits?
Comment by Preston Taylor Holmes on 10/13 @ 2:57 pm #
You, sir, are generally very unpleasant and I don’t think I like you at all.
Good day, sir.
Comment by tim mcnabb on 10/13 @ 2:57 pm #
Crap, the tags were scrubbed. Nevermind.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 2:59 pm #
- ….this costs a dollar, this costs ten dollars – I don’t know, sells itself.
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 3:01 pm #
@68: Don’t worry. BLAME YOUR FAILURE ON JEFF, THE VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY, AND RACISM.
And Jooooos, but that goes back to Jeff.
…joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos
hehe XD
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 3:05 pm #
- ….Hey, if you own a car or a boat, or even a camel, you’d be nuts to buy anything else.
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 3:07 pm #
…
joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos
Comment by Squid on 10/13 @ 3:09 pm #
You write sentences the length of paragraphs, which if diagrammed would produce heaping bowls of grammatical spaghetti. It’s as though you think you’re some kind of whiz-kid prodigy of the Den Beste school, going on at length about shit people will insist you don’t understand. Well, I’m here to tell ya, “friend” — you don’t know jack shit about anime.
Poseur. Wannabe.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 3:11 pm #
- ….ewwww, thats gotta leave a stink….Just lay the ShamWOW on top…look at this, without even applying any pressure…..you following this camera guy?
Comment by Drumwaster on 10/13 @ 3:13 pm #
Hey, even my McAfee Site Adviser says this is a green site, so how bad can you be? I come to read the humor, and stay for the literate eviscerations.
Maybe I should hang around more…
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 3:14 pm #
@74: WEEABOO D:
Comment by thor on 10/13 @ 3:16 pm #
The soundness of my sleep has forever been compromised.
No, Good day to you, Sir!
ACORN has issued me my very own clipboard. You will pay now! I’m off to the hood, to register ‘em voters!
Comment by SarahW on 10/13 @ 3:16 pm #
I should be good at this, I just came from a Palin rally.
So…um… TREASON!
Comment by CelticDragon on 10/13 @ 3:19 pm #
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of Elderberries! Now go away or we shall taunt you a second tiiime!”
For the record, screw the haters dude, you’re better than them, and they know it, so they’re jealous. Or stupid, never rule out stupid…;-)
Comment by Carin on 10/13 @ 3:21 pm #
I’ve got nothing.
Fucker.
Comment by dicentra on 10/13 @ 3:21 pm #
Curse you, you sesquipedalian freak. Your polysyllabic prolixity is deliberately obfuscatory, thus to preclude undesirables from apprehending the gnosis.
IOW: RACIST!!!111
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 3:24 pm #
- ….not like a towel, this works wet or dry….soak up those blood stains just like that…..see? the bodies virtually dry on the bottom….You’ll be saying ShamWOW every time.
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 3:25 pm #
MAKE IT FUCKING STOP SHAMNOW
Comment by Old Texas Turkey on 10/13 @ 3:26 pm #
You suck diddlyuk Flanders GoldSTEIN!
Bite me.
Respectfully,
OTT
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 3:30 pm #
Ok, you win. Everyone gets a shamwow under the O!. Now start fucking scrubbing.
Comment by JoeEgo on 10/13 @ 3:30 pm #
The armadillo has not yet danced for us. For that you are truly vile, foul, and silly.
Comment by Lisa on 10/13 @ 3:30 pm #
Sarah W. just poke the Perf in the ass with the pitchfork you brought to the rally.
Comment by Salt Lick on 10/13 @ 3:33 pm #
And just how long has it been since we’ve had pie?
Asshole.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 3:38 pm #
- ….if you act right now, we’ll double the offer….thats 8 ShamWOWs for %19.95….cut them in half….one for the shower, one for the car, but we can’t make this offer all day…here’s where you can get them….
Comment by Dash Rendar on 10/13 @ 3:38 pm #
My water tastes a bit soapy. RINSE FULLY.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 10/13 @ 3:43 pm #
How come this guy gets all the fucking pie?
Comment by Rusty on 10/13 @ 3:43 pm #
Well. You promised to show us armored dildos and you never did, so that should be a big strike against you in the hate column, but you write good that’s a plus. And you attract other people here who write good and some of them are funny, more pluses. Nope. No hate.
Comment by Lisa on 10/13 @ 3:48 pm #
Armored dildos!!!!!??????111!!!!
Hell motherfucking yeah, bitches!
Comment by ushie on 10/13 @ 3:50 pm #
Wasting our valuable time while you wax your armadillo ever so languidly and affectionately…I’m denouncing you to PETA. (Perversions Exercised Tactilely on Armadillos.)
And just keep pretending we didn’t notice the way the tip of your pink tongue meltingly lapped the armadillo’s era, you! What’s next on your perversity agenda, sloth-twiddling?
Comment by Sdferr on 10/13 @ 3:50 pm #
they didn’t call ‘em steely fer nothing.
Comment by ushie on 10/13 @ 3:57 pm #
EAR! Armadillos have the same era as we do.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 3:59 pm #
What about Willam S./Edgar Rice collaborations, Sdferr?
Tarzan of the Junkies.
The Naked Princess of Mars Does Lunch.
Comment by TmjUtah on 10/13 @ 3:59 pm #
I convinced my wife to read two of your epic language posts. I cannot remember which two since it was a while back. I had so completely booted explaining the subject of your posts (and the subsequent discussion) that I was so worked up about that I convinced her to view the source.
She sat quietly at the computer, moving only to tap the down arrow as she followed the paragraphs. Know that she’s smarter than me like Jupiter has mass and reach on Neptune in a fight…
Finally, she finished.
“Well?”, said I.
She looked me in the eye and said, “Now there’s a man who knows how NOT to use semicolons.”
DAMN YOU TO HELL; just damn you!
Okay, I’m done. It’s not really a hate unless there is an armadillo, anyway. It’s written down somewhere.
And I can’t see any cake for all the cinnamon scented rainbows, either.
;Good DAY to YOU Sir!
Comment by kelly on 10/13 @ 4:05 pm #
I’ve come to view reading your blog (and attendant comments) as a quotidian fix. Bastard.
Comment by !!1!SevenEleventy! on 10/13 @ 4:17 pm #
towelism
Comment by alppuccino on 10/13 @ 4:18 pm #
Not enough recipes.
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 10/13 @ 4:18 pm #
You may be flying with a bent propeller, but that’s what makes the ride so interesting.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/13 @ 4:19 pm #
What a weight from my shoulders.
Comment by Techie on 10/13 @ 4:22 pm #
Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
(I feel better already. This is better than primal scream therapy.)
Comment by kelly on 10/13 @ 4:26 pm #
Come to think of it, there’s precious little posting on nanotechnology around these parts. Fucking slacker. Oh, and cookware.
Comment by br549 on 10/13 @ 4:29 pm #
Ack-ack!
I’ve been saying that all day for some reason. Saw no reason to stop here.
Comment by geoffb on 10/13 @ 4:33 pm #
“And just how long has it been since we’ve had pie?”
I had pie last night; but I had to MAKE IT MYSELF! That’s unfair.
Semicolon abuse also.
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 4:37 pm #
Although Ace won’t print Obama’s alleged mistresses name, because of the ethics, I will:
Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie! Sweet Potato Pie!
&ct.
Comment by thor on 10/13 @ 4:44 pm #
Only an Alaskan hockey mom would tag her yard-moose with a name like Sweet Potato Pie.
Mooocist!
Comment by Lyndsey on 10/13 @ 4:44 pm #
What, no mimes? Now, that’s some theater I can hate!
Comment by MC on 10/13 @ 4:47 pm #
I got nothin’
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 4:48 pm #
You do not see science fiction as a test run for the future.
For that you are despicable.
Comment by Charlie (Colorado) on 10/13 @ 4:50 pm #
Imagine how much annoyance and aggravation you’d have missed if you’d have started keeping house years ago.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/13 @ 4:57 pm #
baracky: socialism y’alls?
happyfeet: no thank you, no.
baracky: for reals?
happyfeet: socialisms is more a you thing than a me thing, really. We talked about that, remember?
Comment by MarkH on 10/13 @ 4:58 pm #
I find it extremely scary that you write such long sentences as parts of such long essays. Scary because I usually understand you! (though on occasion I have to pop an Advil xtra strength gel cap halfway through) :-)
Comment by moonbat on 10/13 @ 4:59 pm #
Wisdom makes my head hurt.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:00 pm #
Vera Baker bundle maker
Comment by moonbat on 10/13 @ 5:00 pm #
Pretentious asshole.
Comment by Mark V Wilson on 10/13 @ 5:00 pm #
I think you overuse the “…, which …” construction.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/13 @ 5:01 pm #
the which construction is my favorite one. I stole that a long time ago.
Comment by JHoward on 10/13 @ 5:02 pm #
Or ‘lectric cars, kelly, or Amazon links.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:04 pm #
greasey union thug: Card Check?
me: Call the INS miguel
greasey union thug: CARD CHECK pal
me: Hallmark mostly
greasey union thug: CARD CHECK PAL
me( wiping blood from nose): Where do I sign comrade?
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 5:05 pm #
One of my readers writes to ask, “What’s a good, low cost, cranial probe that you can recommend?”
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 5:07 pm #
Eternal penis extenders? Faster, please!
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:10 pm #
Plumber to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.â€Â
Comment by alppuccino on 10/13 @ 5:10 pm #
The Bill bone ain’t connected to the B. Dorn,
The Dorn ain’t connected to the Michelle bone,
The ACORN ain’t connected to the Barack bone,
Now heed the word of your Lord.
Your Fannie is connected to the Barney bone
The Freddie bone’s connected to the Dodd bone
But Raines ain’t connected to the Barack bone
Now heed the word of your Lord
*Key Change*
Socialism ain’t connected the recession bone
High taxes ain’t connected to Depression bone
Depression’s coming with Barack’s Cap Gains bone
NOW.HEED.THE.WORD.OF.YOUR.LORD.
doo dee doo.
Comment by Warren Bonesteel on 10/13 @ 5:13 pm #
Dang, Jeff. Are you sure you want to go there? ‘Cause, logically and rationally, that means you won’t be able to riff on Sullivan and Reynolds and PJTV. ‘Course, it’s your site and you can damn well do anything ya wanna. …as long as ya don’t frisch yerself, that is.
Comment by Andrew Sullivan on 10/13 @ 5:14 pm #
BREEDER!!
PALINIST!!!
Can I score some of those little blue pills? Been too damn busy blogging to get my meds. Hubby won’t go–said I could damn well drag my crazy fag ass to the Walgreens without him. Silly boy.
Did you see those Levi photos?
Know you did!
Kisees
Milky Loads
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 5:14 pm #
Amazon is having a sale on candelabra, up to 90% off. When the Instadaughter was at mortuary camp, I sent her this one.
Comment by RTO Trainer on 10/13 @ 5:15 pm #
Okay.
You’re probably too old for, and overcompensating by, rolling around on the wrestling mats all day.
Bear in mind this coming from a guy who 15 years on in the Army is trying to keep up with the 18 year olds.
But that just means I know what I’m talking about.
Comment by RTO Trainer on 10/13 @ 5:16 pm #
You mean THIS one, Dan?
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:18 pm #
How’s that beagle Andy?
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 5:19 pm #
That’s the one.
I like Glenn, and I wouldn’t be so “edgy” if I didn’t think that John Fucking Cole got about as much out of his PJM affiliation as Jeff does.
Comment by vince selle on 10/13 @ 5:21 pm #
You are, on occasion, uh, extremely glib. There I said it
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 5:22 pm #
Barry Glibb?
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 5:24 pm #
not enough cat blogging
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:25 pm #
I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!
Oh…..
Wrong thread.
Comment by lee on 10/13 @ 5:29 pm #
138 comments in, and noth’in but insincere horse shit!
Where’s the HATE people?
Ain’t never going to raise a mob with this sorry pack ‘O pussies.
YOU’RE PATHETIC!! ALL OF YOU!!!
Especially YOU mister bottom of the totem pole of pathetic Goldberg!!!
What? Goldstein?!
Oh…never mind.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:30 pm #
They said that if Jeff finally had enough of idiot trolls, he’d start banning them and deleting their posts.
And they were right!
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:30 pm #
Dishwasher to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:30 pm #
No one is as glib as Barry, Dan.
Except maybe Bill Clinton.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:31 pm #
Pensioner to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “It’s not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody that is behind you, that they have a chance for success too. I think that when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.“
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:32 pm #
Obama to Obama: “Your new tax plan is going to tax me more. Isn’t it?â€Â
Obama: “Where’s Axelrod”?
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:33 pm #
Gal-darnit, Mr. Goldstein, you use your tongue prettier than a 20-dollar whore.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 5:34 pm #
dre
there is only one pie for Obama and he’s just trying to give everyone a slice.
Just those who actually MAKE the pie…no pie for them!
Comment by SarahW on 10/13 @ 5:34 pm #
“Amazon is having a sale on candelabra, up to 90% off. When the Instadaughter was at mortuary camp, I sent her this one.”
Ahahahhaahhahahaha!
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:34 pm #
Plus: free shipping with Amazon Prime.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:36 pm #
Glibbly trolling. Back to topic:
NO, NO, NO NOT G@D BLESS JEFF.G G@D DAMN JEFF G. AND HIS ROOSTING CHICKEN CHOKER THOR
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 5:37 pm #
Some sweet potato pie i hope.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:38 pm #
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite; and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
Comment by MikeD on 10/13 @ 5:38 pm #
I just went to SEK’s web site where, in his biography he announces that he was “christened” a Dr. of Philosophy in English by UC Irvine. What an insufferable prick! That’s all the hate I can muster at the moment–none left for Jeff. Who doesn’t warrant a great deal anyway.
Comment by jpike on 10/13 @ 5:39 pm #
has anyone brought up Jeff’s mom yet?
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 5:45 pm #
I don’t remember who is was on this site that got me addicted to Girl Genius
BUT I BLAME JEFF!!
Comment by RTO Trainer on 10/13 @ 5:45 pm #
Andy Glibb?
Comment by davis,br on 10/13 @ 5:48 pm #
Mainly a lurker (rare commenter: reader since I-dunno-way-back-when) …but since the little insider personality tiff several weeks ago, I have made the blog a daily (or more) read again (after checking in quarterly or something, I think. That’s my biggest “call-it-criticism-if-you-will,” and I’m stickin’ with it.
Comment by RTO Trainer on 10/13 @ 5:48 pm #
That was Ric, Darleen. I know because I blame him too. (And it’s Monday isn’t it?)
Comment by ushie on 10/13 @ 5:48 pm #
What–SEK was dunked in water while crying? That didn’t happen to me…
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:49 pm #
I like the ceremony for CS PhDs at Brown. You get pelted with rubber chickens.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 5:50 pm #
I recall the Brothers Glibb and the movie Saturday Night Fliver.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 10/13 @ 5:51 pm #
I’ve got a coat made out of rubber chicken pelts.
Comment by Salt Lick on 10/13 @ 5:51 pm #
SEK’s web site… Dr. of Philosophy in English
I bet his business card read “Dr. SEK, Phd.”
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:51 pm #
Oh, and maybe that Irvine “christening ceremony” should come with a dictionary — a really good one which includes the meaning of obscure words such as “absurd”.
A copy of Irv Copi’s Informal Logic would also be helpful, I think.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 5:52 pm #
RTO
Sometimes I cheat and look after 10pm the night before.
I’ve passed on the addiction to my 14 y/o stepson. We can talk in code to each other while his dad (my husband) looks on in bemused confusion.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 5:52 pm #
Just don’t put that in the deep fryer, LMC.
‘Cause that doesn’t work out well at all. Trust me.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:53 pm #
“Dow jumps 936″
IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!!!!
BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:54 pm #
“Comment by jpike on 10/13 @ 5:39 pm #
has anyone brought up Jeff’s mom yet?”
No, you dope, Jeff’s Mom brought HIM up.
Shheeeesh.
Comment by Goldstein's Mom on 10/13 @ 5:56 pm #
Dear Mr. Kotter,
Please excuse Jeff from class today.
He was up late last night clobbering trolls.
Signed,
Goldstein’s Mom
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 5:58 pm #
True story:
Working as a bank teller, I was handed a check one time from, oh, call it “Joe’s Bar & Grill”
It was signed “Joe’s Bar Manager”.
Swear to ghod.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/13 @ 5:59 pm #
The Dow’s up because Obama is tanking.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:00 pm #
#126 dre:
He wants people behind plumbers?
#131 RTO:
My little bro still keeps up his airborne quals, but he’ll be forty next year. He’s in great shape, but he acknowledges that this stuff is for young guys.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 6:02 pm #
#169 NOB
I love stories like that.
One of my all time fave excuses of a guy stopped, patted down, and discovered with a couple of bindles of meth in his pocket
“These aren’t my pants!”
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 6:02 pm #
The Dogers are pussys.
What, they never saw a brushback pitch?
Pussys.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 6:03 pm #
People say So. California has no seasons
Yes, we do.
We are in Fire Season right now.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 6:04 pm #
There’s the old story about the guy who tried to get a prescription filled for “Mofine, 1 lb.”
Comment by Salt Lick on 10/13 @ 6:04 pm #
Groucho gets caught kissing another man’s wife — “I was just whispering in her mouth!”
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:04 pm #
#154 Darleen:
For the Girl Genius stuff you need to spread some of your hate to Ric Locke and me. We’ve been riffing on it for sometime.
Anyone up for some Battle Draught? Brewed especially for Jagermonsters?
Maybe some side effects, but…WOW!
Okay – I hate Jeff G. for having Darleen blame him and not me!
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 6:06 pm #
Smoke gets in your eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57tK6aQS_H0
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 6:07 pm #
“In a restaurant to a waitress: “Do you have frogs legs or do you always walk like that…”
Groucho Marx
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 6:07 pm #
“Seven children? That many?”
She blushed, and said, “Well, I love my husband.”
Groucho came back with, “I love my cigar, too, but I take it out on my mouth once in a while.”
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:07 pm #
I denounce all who do not put the bacon in the Foreman Grill! I’m commenting right at you Jeff G.!
(It does cook it nice and crispy and non-shriveled up – shriveled like the soul of anyone who would insult a Downs child.)
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 6:08 pm #
Buried my wife the other day, had to.. she died, you know.
W.C. Fields
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 6:11 pm #
MIke
Sure, I’ll bring my hat.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:12 pm #
#172 Darleen:
When I was law clerking for a judge at Wayne County Circuit Court Criminal Division we had a guy that tried to rob the bank from the drive-thru.
It didn’t go so good for him.
Comment by Bod on 10/13 @ 6:13 pm #
Emmanuel Goldstein holds his OWN two minute self-hate?
What? ‘Jeff’?
Nevermind.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:16 pm #
A good plan is one where you don’t lose your hat.
BTW – Nize Hat!
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:16 pm #
I could probably do with less GAY PORN COCK OF LIES, but your mileage may vary.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 6:18 pm #
“I love my cigar, too, but I take it out on my mouth once in a while.â€Â
Jeff G. doesn’t have a cigar. Jeff G. has a herbal cigarette.
Comment by Darleen on 10/13 @ 6:19 pm #
Mikey NTH
Best original “excuse” so far… prostitute picked up in a sweep saying to arresting cop
“I am NOT a whore! I give blowjobs for donations!”
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:19 pm #
#185 Bod:
And you know what is wrong with that? The chant “F— the F—ing F—er” was started and no one kept it up. That is a demoralized population right there.
Okay – end your posts with F3. To keep the chant going.
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/13 @ 6:19 pm #
It never rains in California
but, girl, don’t they warn ya?
It burns, man it burns.
I got no teeth, I got no bread
I’m out of meth and sudafed
I’m unemployed, my dog is dead
I wanna go home!
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:20 pm #
Oh, and the absences. Make them stop. Now.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:21 pm #
#189 Darleen:
The guy testified that he did so to get arrested because he was safer in jail than on the streets where people wanted to kill him. The jury took that so to heart that they sent him to the Michigan Department of Corrections; for his own safety, I’m sure.
F3.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/13 @ 6:21 pm #
Absinthe makes the heart grow Fonda.
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:28 pm #
Jeff Goldstein doesn’t smoke cigars. Cigars spontaneously combust from proximity to his fiery hot intellect when they tousch his lips.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:29 pm #
I think the quote should be “Absinthe makes the heart grow fondle.”
But hey – these are all artists so what do you expect?
F3.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 6:30 pm #
Or ‘fondler’.
I’m doing this on the fly.
F3.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 6:32 pm #
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:28 pm #
Come on give him some HATE. I hope that someone brought some marshmallows to Topanga Canyon.
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:33 pm #
Jeff Goldstein has never offered me anything for a donation.
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:34 pm #
And that explains why I wouldn’t take it if it was offered. :)
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 6:39 pm #
“So how many times did you register?”
“….Ummmm I thinks 47….”
“What?”
“…Wall theys axed me to keep signing, but I had to go or I wuld’ve mixed the last bus”
Comment by Pablo on 10/13 @ 6:39 pm #
You, sir, are a doodyhead. And a big fat liar, because of the armadillo.
Comment by Christopher Johnson on 10/13 @ 6:40 pm #
Actually, Jeff, I wish I could write half as well as you. Wouldn’t mind knocking back a few beers with you at a Denver Bears baseball game or whatever that team you’ve got out there is called. Denver, you know, was named after a Kansas territorial governor probably because Colorado used to be part of the Kansas Territory.
But I seem to have digressed. What was I talking about? Oh well.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 6:41 pm #
Jeff G. Lobbyist?
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:44 pm #
Jeff, you aren’t nearly as smart as I think you are.
Comment by RTO Trainer on 10/13 @ 6:45 pm #
Blah blah hright-vink Hrumsfeld varmonger shickenhak efil Bushies Volfovitz und hiz neocon cabal for oiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah ignorant shtopid blut-dirshty morons, de real axiz uf efil on a ranch in Cravford und blah blah blah no VMD he lied, Bushitler lied, pipple died died died tie-dyed peace peace peace down vit de Zhionishts! peace peace Kyoto! dey hate us dey hate us dey hate us und vot can ve do und root causes und root causes und blowbeck und Pleme und Pleme und Chalabi Pleme Vilson blah blah blah unylatral multynashional Hallyburton Enronism crony capitalism und eet’s all about oiloiloiloil blah blah blah, cowboyish dishregard for allies, for de vishes uf de vorld commoonity who rise op againsht us, de terrorisht threat iz oferblown und anyvay, it’s all our fault becaush ve gave Saddem hiz veapons to begin vit, foto uf Rhummy und Hushein, bot make no mishtake, he no longer has doze veapons because inshpections vorked, containment vorked, und blah blah blah Shaudi Arabia, Pakishtan, Shudan hundle it, Roy, hundle it hundle it, Caspian pipeline oiloiloiloil blah blah blah show me de shtockpiles, anthrax CIA plant Richard Clarke said zo und ve believe him becaush und onless onless onless Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib Abu Ghraib, sqvare-jawed cocksuckink military jarhead torshurink fucks, brink home our troops! Ve care about de troops! Ve shopport de troops und don hyu qveshtion our patriotism our love for diz fuckink filthy crass consumerisht bullyink country uf rhedneck dolts und biblethumpink bourgeoiz shuburbanites vit der SUVs und vere are de CAFE shtundards fight de real terror, eco-terror, Israel, de US, imperialisht colonialisht rashisht homophobic hegemonic und blah blah blah blah blah becaush dishent iz patriotism und fightink againsht you country iz really fightink for you country und our dishent keeps de nation shtrong und ve’re brave und heroic und op iz down und black iz vite und oiloiloiloiloiloiloiloil blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.™
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/13 @ 6:45 pm #
Sienfeld’s mom “Why would anybody not like you?”
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:48 pm #
Jeff Goldstein won’t delete posts. He’ll look at them and they’ll just know to leave on their own.
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 6:50 pm #
Umberto Eco called. He wants his signifiers back.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 6:52 pm #
Charles Peirce called. He said to tell Eco he was a friggin’ lightweight and also that he did Eco’s mom.
Comment by Billy Jack on 10/13 @ 6:54 pm #
Do you think those workouts are going to save you from a righteous ass kicking?
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 7:03 pm #
“#
Comment by Billy Jack on 10/13 @ 6:54 pm #
Do you think those workouts are going to save you from a righteous ass kicking?”
Pure HATE SPEECH here!
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 7:04 pm #
Frigging rogues. As soon as Evasion runs out he’s going to eat a crushing blow from the Dow, and after all that self-healing because Baracky couldn’t GET OUT OF MELEE, its HP isn’t nearly low enough that it’ll die before Evasion runs out. And he only went far enough Sub to get Improved Sap because everyone knows MUTILATE IS TTLY AWESOME POLITICAL DPS. So it’s not like we’re going to see him using Prep or Cheat Death.
And David Axelrod is a keyboard-turner and a crap healer. “No seriously guys, Holy Shock is my most efficient heal!” BS. This is why you don’t let one-button healers into your raids. They might’ve made it if they hadn’t gkicked Wright; say what you want about the man’s attitude, but he knew what he was doing as a priest.
And where the hell is Biden? Is he sitting in a corner with Shadowmeld up again? Bastard.
…wait, what?
Comment by Sean M. on 10/13 @ 7:07 pm #
Jeff = teh suxx0rz.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 7:13 pm #
I think Biden is off in the corner somewhere with one of those Simon games from the 80s.
Maybe a See ‘n Say.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 7:13 pm #
Well THAT was special….
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/13 @ 7:14 pm #
#212 Pellegri:
I have no idea what the F3 you were talking about, but it seems to be the right level of brooding crazy needed for a good takeover of the world. Can I sign you up multiple times?
F3
Comment by B Moe on 10/13 @ 7:15 pm #
Obama wasn’t prepared for McCain’s Will of the Forsaken, Pelligri, now when Palin Flares and Hunter’s Marks them it is all over.
pwned.
Comment by B Moe on 10/13 @ 7:17 pm #
They might’ve made it if they hadn’t gkicked Wright; say what you want about the man’s attitude, but he knew what he was doing as a priest.
That was fucking hilarious, by the way.
Comment by B Moe on 10/13 @ 7:19 pm #
And where the hell is Biden? Is he sitting in a corner with Shadowmeld up again? Bastard.
Either that or still in the Barrens because he can’t stop arguing on /chat.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 7:25 pm #
“….So then she looked at me and then she turned and walked in the cave and left me standing by the water, and….I don’t know, it just brought up a whole bunch of issues….”
“Hey…wtf?….those aren’t the right lines….what are you doing…..this is supposed to be a ShamWOW commercial – dork…..”
“CUT!!!”
Comment by Billy Jack on 10/13 @ 7:27 pm #
Because evil plans and autobiographies don’t just write themselves.
Comment by Billy Jack on 10/13 @ 7:31 pm #
Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer’s grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough, thou fobbing beetle-headed skainsmate!
Comment by charles austin on 10/13 @ 7:33 pm #
And I’m back.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 7:35 pm #
On Sale Now: Odinga Bacon. Burning churches extra credit for your lit course.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/13 @ 7:39 pm #
- Would it be asking just too much if they refrained from running the Etrade/baby barfing commercial during mealtime – huh – huh?
Comment by Sean M. on 10/13 @ 7:53 pm #
NERDS!
Comment by Jim in KC on 10/13 @ 7:56 pm #
So, in another comment thread I find out that SEK is in Irvine?! I’m just up the road in Anaheim for the week. I suppose I could trek down there and offer him some help with that whole reading comprehension thing.
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 7:59 pm #
I love you, B Moe. In a gay way.
(Barrens or Trade, same diff. He’d be there.)
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 8:00 pm #
Mikey NTH: How many times do I need to sign? Can I do this on-line?
Comment by B Moe on 10/13 @ 8:06 pm #
I love you, B Moe. In a gay way.
Back at you. I dropped out of WoW recently and am trying to reactivate an old FFXI account, Sean M, so I am like some kind of retro-NERD now actually.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/13 @ 8:08 pm #
Pellegri: I suggest you consult with your local ACORN affiliate.
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 8:11 pm #
Does ACORN even exist out here in California? I DENOUNCE MYSELF–but we’re already far enough left that their presence would seem to be superfluous.
Ahhh, FFXI. Some of my WoW guildmates are pretty heavily into the game. I looked at the Pandemonium Warden debacle and died a little inside. Still, it’s tempting, given the way WoW is gradually turning into a socialist paradise itself. That is, however, a rant for another time.
Comment by guinsPen on 10/13 @ 8:13 pm #
Tell me how vile, foul, and silly I am. Tell me how poorly I write…
Nonsense! You’re my favorite blogger, Jack.
Comment by Bob Reed on 10/13 @ 8:17 pm #
My only complaint would be that you go to easy on the pompous, palavering, post-modern popes of political correctness, the popinjays populating politics…jus-sayin’
To hell with all of those SEK spam-a-zoids. I know your policy on discourse makes you loathe to delete comments, but the electronic brownshirts deserve it…
As Barone said, O! is foreshadowing the coming Thug-ocracy!
Comment by B Moe on 10/13 @ 8:19 pm #
I am way to casual a player to ever make it to any end game, I just goof off and explore until I get bored and then take a break or go to another game. My entire WoW guild moved to Warhammer, and I don’t have the machine to play that one right now, so I am going to look up old friends on FFXI and go help/harass all the PS3 noobs.
Comment by Noel on 10/13 @ 8:28 pm #
Jeff,
Sometimes your breath is not as fresh as it could be.
Comment by ushie on 10/13 @ 8:32 pm #
Can’t sleep–David Caruso will eat me. After he removes his sunglasses.
Comment by Nan on 10/13 @ 8:35 pm #
Mr. Goldstein, how DARE you write as if you were being read by intelligent people! Type DOWN to us, dammit.
Comment by dre on 10/13 @ 8:35 pm #
Barack, Ayers and Odinga: Collective assholes.
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 8:54 pm #
I hate that Jeff hasn’t said whether he likes “Sons of Anarchy.”
Comment by Jeff G. on 10/13 @ 8:57 pm #
I have 8 of ‘em tivoed, McGehee, but I haven’t gotten around to watching them, what with baseball, football, sickness, and the bunch of old movies and Granada Holmes episodes I have lined up.
Comment by Sdferr on 10/13 @ 9:08 pm #
I’m sad what happened to Katey Sagal’s face. Still got one of the sexiest voices alive going on though.
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 9:20 pm #
She sure is the alpha she-wolf of that pack, no mistake.
Comment by Ana on 10/13 @ 9:23 pm #
I hate that you no longer post the ramblings of drunken actress/hos. Paris Hilton. Would it be so hard?? Not to mention the disturbing lack of prison blogging. I mean, the free world and capitalism as we know it are coming to a crashing, flaming, gut wrenching end. Is it so much to ask? Circuses! Whimsy! Dance damn it! Dance!
Comment by Sdferr on 10/13 @ 9:32 pm #
Nikkei 225 is up 13% at this moment.
Comment by lee on 10/13 @ 9:34 pm #
Grind that organ Ana!
Comment by Serr¼*½d on 10/13 @ 10:07 pm #
..were there actually a God (god forbid), He’d be angry at Himself for the very idea of man, so much does my unholy stink blacken His nostrils and sour him on the once blessed notion of creation.
Hard to say; hack-wise, I got nuttin’. But then I’m not an immersion blender, either. )
Comment by MC on 10/13 @ 10:16 pm #
OK, damnit, I hate that there’s not more threads with more than 500 comments…
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 10:21 pm #
Almost halfway there on this one.
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 10:22 pm #
<tick>
Comment by Pellegri on 10/13 @ 10:36 pm #
oh snap
Toasting in an epic bread!
Comment by cranky-d on 10/13 @ 10:41 pm #
Having been drinking a lot of Guiness since my last pathetic comment, I have no hate in me. No love, but no hate either. Suffice to say I’m full, and contemplating pouring myself something else.
Comment by geoffb (JARAIP) on 10/13 @ 10:46 pm #
Hate and other things may come my way for this but it’s funny. Saw the link at the Insta-place.
Howard Stern interviews with Obama supporters in NYC.
Comment by MAJ (P) John on 10/13 @ 10:51 pm #
Insults? Hate? Hmmmm…
Not enough cowbell?
Oh, I know! I bet Jeff liked the ending to “The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana” Ah, there… I have really let the hate flow with that one!
Comment by peter jackson on 10/13 @ 11:00 pm #
There’s nothing you can do
To turn me away
Nothing anyone can say
You’re with me now
And as long as you stay
Lovin’ you’s the right thing to do
Lovin’ you’s the right thing
Comment by Sean M. on 10/13 @ 11:17 pm #
I dropped out of WoW recently and am trying to reactivate an old FFXI account, Sean M, so I am like some kind of retro-NERD now actually.
I have no idea what that means. Does that make me a jock?
Comment by SarahW on 10/13 @ 11:21 pm #
There used to be a lot more pez.
Comment by McGehee on 10/13 @ 11:38 pm #
Is that the TV series about Sherlock’s illegitimate daughter with the
illegal alienundocumented immigrant maid, who goes around solving crimes with Wilmer Valderrama’s accent?Comment by psycho... on 10/13 @ 11:41 pm #
I hate that the title of this post got an Anthrax song I haven’t heard since I was thirteen stuck in my head.
On the home theater of hate front, I’m watching the Cartoon Network…with a big fucking blue rectangle over it.
Because apparently when the batteries in a DirecTV remote run out, instead of letting you use the buttons on the front of the box-o’-TV thing to do shit, the system locks up and slaps a big fucking blue rectangle that says you need batteries over the picture.
There’s no 7-Eleven in my living room, assholes.
I, The Jury just started. The super crap-ass ’80s Armand Assante version that rules. Can I watch it? Fuck no. “Blue thing with cartoon haircuts popping out” is the show on television.
So I’m going to watch a vile, foul, and silly Dario Argento movie. Because Jeff doesn’t like those. IN YOUR DISTANT SLEEPING FACE, whimmy.
Comment by psycho... on 10/13 @ 11:42 pm #
only
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/13 @ 11:42 pm #
I did not know accents could do that. and here I’ve only been using mine for parties.
Comment by geoffb (JARAIP) on 10/14 @ 12:07 am #
Granada Holmes, good show old sport.
Comment by Patrick Chester on 10/14 @ 2:42 am #
More like “Dr. SEK, Super Genius.”
Comment by ushie on 10/14 @ 5:39 am #
I’m kinda miffed that Robert Downey Jr. is playing Sherlock Holmes in Guy Madonna’s-Husband’s new movie. Downey looks like Sherlock Holmes like Martha Stewart looks like Paris Hilton.
But Jeff G already knows all about that.
Comment by ushie on 10/14 @ 5:40 am #
Or Martha Stewart looks like Martha Reeves.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/14 @ 6:15 am #
“I did not know accents could do that. and here I’ve only been using mine for parties.”
- Actually, if you can trap one in a good tight psychic stasis zone, and get it wasted on belly shots just before your guests arrive, you should be able to have half the room hurling, and the other half pissing themselves by midnight.
- Getting rid of them when the parties over is the tricky part. Cartoon network usually does the job.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/14 @ 6:21 am #
If Martha Stewart looks like Martha Reeves, then who looks like the Vandellas?
Its questions like this that make me hate you!
The 24 hours are not yet up!
F3.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/14 @ 6:27 am #
who looks like the Vandellas?
Here’s your answer.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/14 @ 6:40 am #
- Tried a new java script linked to the function keys to make the hate flow easier, but the only key that works is F3, and the only thing I could get it to type was:
“Goldstein? Oh yeh. according to Bill A. he writes like a ten year old, and has an ass to match.”
- Needs work.
Comment by MarkD on 10/14 @ 6:47 am #
You didn’t say we get seconds. I wish the nuns beat you as hard as they beat me so you’d stop the run on sentences.
That’s world class hate.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/14 @ 6:54 am #
- MarkD – He gave us a blank check for 24 hours to vent. Enjoy.
- I just felt that 5 year shooting pain in the kidney area. Guess all this hate mongering triggered another little calcium beauty.
- If anyone calls I’ll be in my room screaming into my fist, giving birth to a bouncing baby 1 millimeter sharp edged piece of stone.
- Think I’ll name this one “Jeffery”.
F3
Comment by SDN on 10/14 @ 6:57 am #
To quote Major Steiner of the Fallschirmjager in The Eagle has Landed:
“(Thor) reminds me of something I find on my shoe in the gutter! Very unpleasant on a hot day!”
Or any other day, come to think of it.
Comment by SDN on 10/14 @ 6:59 am #
As for Jeff, I’ve spent a fair amount for some ‘dillo dancing over the years. And I expect to see some footage of that scaly moneymaker shakin! NOW!
Comment by Darleen on 10/14 @ 7:14 am #
Downey looks like Sherlock Holmes like Martha Stewart looks like Paris Hilton.
better Downey as Holmes than Annette Benning as Madeline Albright. One would have to attend THAT movie under the heavy influence of drugs to suspend disbelief in that bit of casting.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/14 @ 7:17 am #
Darleen, I think they’re going to have Brad Pitt playing John Dean, too.
Barack Hussein Obama <— obligatory hate speech
Comment by ducktrapper on 10/14 @ 7:32 am #
Goldberg! I’d move away from you on the Group W bench! So there! How about a few more !!!! just to be sure? I feel better now.
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/14 @ 7:40 am #
Only in America can using somones name be construed as hate speech.
Comment by jwest on 10/14 @ 8:16 am #
Jeff,
Face it. Any credibility you might have had in the “vile†department disappeared back when you bought your house.
Even though I provided you with excellent council on how to leave the seller broke, suicidal and bleeding from every violated orifice, you worried about…..wait for it…….
Karma.
Borderline gay on the vile-o-meter.
Comment by geoffb (JARAIP) on 10/14 @ 8:45 am #
Holmes, ah, a clue there.
Holmes has his Watson.
House has his Wilson
Goldstein, your G needs a V.
You could build one, we have the technology but nowadays it would be more like 6 billion dollar guy. So name the ‘dillo “Ventura”, “Vandella”, or “Wilmer Valderrama” even.
This proposal may have possible side effects not covered by the rather useless warranty.
Comment by Ric Locke on 10/14 @ 9:08 am #
Apropos of earlier posts: I do not apologize for hooking people on Girl Genius. Instead I gloat. My plan to corrupt the entire Universe is proceeding, if slowly…BUUUUUUUWAHAHAHAHA!
Regards,
Ric
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 10/14 @ 9:53 am #
- I find that whenever I corrupt the entire Universe its a good idea to get an early start and pack a good nutritious lunch.