25. You become so convinced of your intellectual advantage over anyone without a Harvard degree that, should one of these unfortunate creatures presume to move beyond his or her station, it is only a matter of time, you suspect, before the true nature of that ‘person’s’ intellect is revealed — at which point you will be readied to pounce upon that moment with the resigned sniff you have spent years practicing.
– Sadly, however, such a presumption can leave you vulnerable to being duped as the puckering elitist IQ pimp you really are.
Which reminds me, Matt: seen this one, yet? Because really. Just shocking!
Comment by Hoodlumman on 10/3 @ 12:35 pm #
Oh how they wanted to believe!!
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/3 @ 12:36 pm #
Yglesias actually thought that little story was true, that a sitting governor wouldn’t have some knowledge of periodicals and newspapers, or who some news hosts are?
I wonder if he’s waiting for that nigerian deposit to be made to his bank account?
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/3 @ 12:37 pm #
I’m so glad I didn’t go to Harvard. *sniff*
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 12:40 pm #
A pretty expensive way to get stupid.
Comment by ushie on 10/3 @ 12:42 pm #
What a maroon.
Comment by Bob Reed on 10/3 @ 12:45 pm #
I wonder if they learn the sniff-while-looking-down-their-nose move in an undergraduate class, or is it graduate level only?
I mean, I’vs always heard that you can yell a Harvard man-But not much!
Comment by Mr. Pink on 10/3 @ 12:45 pm #
OMG she said Nightline!!!!! OMG OMG OMG11111!!!!!!1111111.
What a tool. In this guys world if a Republican has an IQ over 50 they are an anomaly.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/3 @ 12:45 pm #
I went to a school where they taught us not to pee on our hands.
Comment by Bob Reed on 10/3 @ 12:46 pm #
sorry…
yell=tell
Kinda ruins the attempted witticism…
BTW, which Ivy League school is it where you leave sounding like Thurston Howell III ?
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 12:49 pm #
Of course it’s a parody but, as one of Matt’s MENSA commentators notes “Though it’s hard to tell the difference.”
no! NO! DON’T USE YOUR HARVARD DIPLOMA AS A COCAINE STRAW!!!
Comment by Alec Leamas on 10/3 @ 12:49 pm #
I’ve got to find out where this guy works, and polish my official “Wallet Inspector” badge.
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/3 @ 12:49 pm #
oh, I bet I’ll be hearing this from the kid playing Freddy tonight. but he’s 17 and still in high school, so I don’t beat him senseless.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 12:51 pm #
Warren Buffet is 1 of only 2, out of the top 12 self-made billionaires in the world that has a college degree. The other 10 of 12 top global billionaires were high school or college drop outs. Something about our educational system just isn’t right?
Buffet is a Cornhusker, btw.
This is only important if you measure success by how many small countries you can buy. If, however, your metric is the ability to spit caviar out at your houseboy because it’s too chewy, then Harvard would help you on your career path.
Comment by mojo on 10/3 @ 12:58 pm #
Hmmph…
Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/3 @ 12:59 pm #
I went to a school that bills itself as “The Harvard of the Midwest,” but as a lowly electrical engineer I’ve learned to display some intellectual humility as it’s harder to explain away blue flashes and large puffs of smoke than one’s terrorist pals, whitey-hatin’ preachers and crooked palm-greasers.
Comment by Joel on 10/3 @ 12:59 pm #
Gosh, I knew it was parody when Katie told her crew to “Hold it, guys.”
Ms. Couric helping a Republican look better? There have been no flying monkeys in my zip code that I can remember….
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:00 pm #
I went to a school that bills itself as “The Harvard of the Midwest,â€Â
When were you at Miami of Ohio?
Comment by Alec Leamas on 10/3 @ 1:02 pm #
That’s the thing about Harvard and the other Ivys, I think – you get admitted, and you really tend to believe that you were one of a small group of the smartest people in the Nation. You tend to forget that you may have really just been a sample of the kind of fish the social engineers wanted in order to create their really groovy academic fish tank. You really would have to believe that Al Gore spawned four of the most intelligent children in the Nation seriatim or something, in spite of the ample evidence to the contrary.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/3 @ 1:02 pm #
NG said well if Sarah Palin can be vice president with a bachelor’s degree then what the fuck am I doing working here. She sounded so bitter. I don’t really understand what’s going on inside but I’m going to try to be supportive. When you compare, you despair. It can be a really rough road until you learn that, this life.
Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/3 @ 1:02 pm #
When were you at Miami of Ohio?
Heh, I went there for a drunken weekend 26 years ago, but that’s it. There must be more than one HotMW.
Comment by happyfeet on 10/3 @ 1:04 pm #
Oh. Al Gore’s children are messed up losers. It’s very sad and reflects weaknesses in their upbringing. Also drugs are involved.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:04 pm #
Heh, I went there for a drunken weekend 26 years ago
I would have been there 26 years ago. You didn’t see a guy up on the ledge of a girls dorm, did you? Because that wasn’t me.
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/3 @ 1:06 pm #
Batchelorette Number 1?
Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/3 @ 1:07 pm #
That’s the thing about Harvard and the other Ivys, I think – you get admitted, and you really tend to believe that you were one of a small group of the smartest people in the Nation.
Oh, so true. My alma mater, Washington University in St. Louis (which is gay, as I understand…the city, not the school), is very much like that. Wht you learn there isn’t so different from what you learn at other, “lesser” schools, honestly, but you’re learning it amongst a different class of people. It’s more about training the next wave of elites, really.
Comment by urthshu on 10/3 @ 1:08 pm #
“Yard by yard, life is hard”, hf
Comment by happyfeet on 10/3 @ 1:10 pm #
And Louis ain’t no saint either. Not the way I heard it.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:10 pm #
Alec: Both Dan Collins and I attended Ivy league schools and we turned out OK. I don’t think … sip … excuse me one moment …
MARTA, YOU DOMINICAN SLUT! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT THE KRISTAL SHOULD BE AT 34.5 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT! YOU’VE MANAGED TO TURN IT INTO SOMETHING LIKE CAT PISS. NOW CHOP, CHOP, BRING ME ANOTHER BOTTLE!!!
As I was saying one should stay grounded in one’s upbringing so this whole Ivy league … MOVE YOUR BROWN ASS, MARTA! … elitism thing is overblown, I think.
More caviar, Dan?
What?
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:12 pm #
Uh, your ascot’s crooked Beej.
Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/3 @ 1:19 pm #
Well, it was Louis IX, hf. He came long before that line of syphilitic creeps.
I’m off to the yacht club. I like giving the soul handshake to valet. I’m just one of the guys.
Comment by mcgruder on 10/3 @ 1:21 pm #
so doesnt he take the piece down?
i’m sorry, a stupid question.
Comment by Froggy on 10/3 @ 1:21 pm #
Jeff, you really should rock the power mullet. Lookin’ sharp!
Comment by Alec Leamas on 10/3 @ 1:21 pm #
“Alec: Both Dan Collins and I attended Ivy league schools and we turned out OK. I don’t think … sip … excuse me one moment”
No doubt. But let’s not forget that some of us (poor lil’ old me) were admitted to some of these fine institutions, but did not have the requisite family resources to attend, even with the so-called “financial aid.” That really winnows down the elitism, methinks. Regardless, I am a born aristocrat.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:28 pm #
Damn you, AL, it’s a CRAVAT!!
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:32 pm #
Damn you, AL, it’s a CRAVAT!!
What do I know. Our Mascot was the Redskins, until they caved and changed it to the Redhawks. When they asked me, I wondered why they didn’t go all the way and change it to the Flaming Red Nancy Boys.
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 10/3 @ 1:36 pm #
Our own elitist, one Barrett Brown believed it, too.
” not populist nitwits who can’t name any papers they read”
Comment by BarrettBrown on 10/3 @ 8:49 am #
“The term is “Bosnians†Brown. Bosniacs? You should get a hack job writing for Warners Bros. dick head.â€Â
… and you guys might want to let your resident low-information voter over here in on the joke, too, lest he continue to discredit your whole “Oh we’re just joking†defense with his ignorance.
“You know what else is funny? You’re a comedy writer, yet you insist on fact being presented in a comment thread where people tend to just bat crap around and make jokes.â€Â
Darleen was serious. So is Big Bang Hunter, who, to my understanding, is pumping everyone up. If you want to pretend that these two are actually just joking, that’s certainly your right.
“When it popped out of his mouth, at least 80% of the audience said to themselves “Wait, What?â€Ââ€Â
So? He was addressing the portion of the country that keeps up on U.S. foreign policy and who consider it their duty to know a thing or two about the military conflicts in which we’ve involved ourselves, not populist nitwits who can’t name any papers they read. Palin is already in the tank for Palin.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:37 pm #
Or, possibly, The Red Faced Girly Toots! (heh)
Comment by Obstreperous Infidel on 10/3 @ 1:37 pm #
Well, I f’ed that up. Anyway, it’s there.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:39 pm #
Hey, al, My mascot was a Quaker! I’m not in any position…
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:42 pm #
Take comfort BJ, you had the oatmeal covered.
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 1:42 pm #
Ahem.
It’s Crystal, Ivy Boy. Hell, I’m just lowly grad from one of them State schools and even I knew that.
Comment by Alec Leamas on 10/3 @ 1:44 pm #
“Hey, al, My mascot was a Quaker! I’m not in any position.”
And I, with some other members of the Wildcat football squad, came to Smokey Joe’s fortnightly to lay claim to your finest Butterfaced Penn girls. Good times.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:48 pm #
Wouldn’t they have been butterfaced after you laid claim to them?
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:50 pm #
Ha, you fell into my trap, kelly. That only proves my common man bona fides.
Well that and my abysmal working career.
Comment by DarthRove on 10/3 @ 1:51 pm #
#34 al.
My suggestion at the time was to keep the moniker “Redskins”, and simply change the mascot to a small potato. That way, everybody’s happy.
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:52 pm #
Hey, Alec! Wasn’t Smokey Joe’s just about the biggest dump you’ve ever been in?
Butter faced Penn girls is an oxymoron. Oh, and the Wildcat was gay. We called him “Primpy Puma.”
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 1:53 pm #
That or you’ve been drinking some really expensive knock-off, BJ
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 1:56 pm #
My suggestion at the time was to keep the moniker “Redskinsâ€Â, and simply change the mascot to a small potato. That way, everybody’s happy.
That’s not bad. And then, instead of having the preppy dude from Shaker Hts dressed up as an Indian warrior ride in and stick a spear in the ground, we could have had a chef or a guy in a McDonald’s hat.
One problem, I believe Central Michigan is still the Chippewas or “The Chips”.
“Are you going to the Redskin Potato/Chips game tonight?”
Comment by maggie katzen on 10/3 @ 1:59 pm #
no, it’s something different. from Russia.
Comment by Alec Leamas on 10/3 @ 2:00 pm #
“Hey, Alec! Wasn’t Smokey Joe’s just about the biggest dump you’ve ever been in?”
I’m not ashamed to say, unequivocally, “no.” And not by a long shot.
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 2:01 pm #
Damn Russkies.
Comment by dame cecily on 10/3 @ 2:01 pm #
Actually, it’s Cristal. I’m pedantic like that even iffen I dint grajitate from an institoot of hyer larnin’. However, Cristal is pig swill compared to Salon.
Comment by DarthRove on 10/3 @ 2:03 pm #
Redskin Potato/Chips would be less naughty than the annual Beavers-Trojans matchup we see in the Pac 10.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 2:04 pm #
Actually, it’s Cristal. I’m pedantic like that even iffen I dint grajitate from an institoot of hyer larnin’. However, Cristal is pig swill compared to Salon.
You sound hot
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 2:07 pm #
Redskin Potato/Chips would be less naughty than the annual Beavers-Trojans matchup we see in the Pac 10.
I think South Carolina would beg to differ. I’m sure they’d like a shot at pounding the Beavers.
Comment by Sticky B on 10/3 @ 2:07 pm #
Every one of those commenters over there seems to be bragging about getting duped or almost getting duped. Meanwhile, their guy actually had FDR on TV in ‘29, which I automatically assumed was someone’s attempt at parody…….until I found out it was for reals. When you want to believe something bad enough……you will.
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 2:07 pm #
Hah. You fell into my trap, dame cecily.
My common man bona fides are secure. Even if I did drink an ‘88 Cristal Rose this past spring for a wedding anniversary.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/3 @ 2:09 pm #
At my school, the engineering students figured out that you could turn the cheap vodka into the good stuff by putting it through a Brita pitcher.
So, there’s that.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/3 @ 2:10 pm #
Comment by BJTexs on 10/3 @ 1:39 pm #
You went to Penn?
I work right around the corner from there.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 2:11 pm #
Actually, it’s Cristal
You’re all wrong. It’s spelled Hawaiian Punch.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 10/3 @ 2:16 pm #
You know what really pisses me off?
The went and changed the name of Beaver College.
An all girls school at one time, btw.
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 2:26 pm #
Has Scrotum U gone co-ed yet?
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 2:31 pm #
Has Scrotum U gone co-ed yet?
Another Scrotum man! Bully!
Comment by cranky-d on 10/3 @ 2:46 pm #
I have never thought of trying that. Cool. I imagine it will remove much of the flavor from decent booze, however.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 10/3 @ 2:47 pm #
Yes, it’d be a poor idea to try that trick with a single-malt. :-)
Comment by Louis' Lues on 10/3 @ 2:56 pm #
A brief comment on “Bosniac” is in order, seeeing as how it is apparently a recurring theme - Bosniac, or Bosniak, is a term that refers to Bosnian Muslims, so it is a real word.
Using it to refer to all Bosnians (Serbs, Croats, and Muslims), as was the case last night, is incorrect.
Comment by urthshu on 10/3 @ 2:59 pm #
Cristal sucks
Comment by kelly on 10/3 @ 3:10 pm #
Roedererererererer.
Comment by Big Dan on 10/3 @ 3:32 pm #
Scrot-Scrot-Scrotum-U!
Tell you what we’re gonna do!
Grab’em by the short-n-curlies!
Make’em scream like little girlies!
Nuuuuuuuut-SACK!
Ah, memories. Not good ones, but memories still.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 10/3 @ 3:34 pm #
Stay away from the Crystal Palace offerings though - the gin is fit for cleaning showers only.
Yes, I have done that. It was safer than ingesting it.
Comment by Rob Crawford on 10/3 @ 3:36 pm #
I’ve always been partial towards Franklin Union College, Kansas.
Comment by alppuccino on 10/3 @ 3:40 pm #
Keep away from me with your secret handshake Big Dan.
Comment by Jim in KC on 10/3 @ 3:48 pm #
Dartmouth, I’m pretty sure. Collins seems to have a certain Howellishness to his typing.
Comment by Big Dan on 10/3 @ 3:49 pm #
C’mere. Hey. HEY.
Pingback by Cowboys Fer Palin, Genuises With Like Totally Smart Genius IQ’s Fer Obama (Wait, is that redununundint?) « Blog Entry « Dr. Melissa Clouthier on 10/3 @ 4:11 pm #
[...] is more truthiness here. Oh, wait, it’s a spoof, but it MUST be real, because “puckering elitist IQ pimp(s)” say [...]
Comment by Dan Collins on 10/3 @ 5:37 pm #
Thurston Howell would have died of alcohol poisoning at Dartmouth. Fuckin’ wimp.
Comment by Jeffersonian on 10/3 @ 7:51 pm #
Thurston Howell would have died of alcohol poisoning at Dartmouth. Fuckin’ wimp.
Only if he had forgotten to extend his pinkie. [/obscure Gilligan's Island reference]
Comment by The Monster on 10/3 @ 7:54 pm #
“too good to check”
See also: TxANG “memos”
Comment by mojo on 10/3 @ 8:16 pm #
They tried getting people to call mine “The Berkeley of Junior Colleges”, but nobody really did.
Pingback by Cowboys Fer Palin, Genuises With Like Totally Smart Genius IQ’s Fer Obama (Wait, is that redununundint?) : Stop The ACLU on 10/4 @ 6:09 am #
[...] is more truthiness here. Oh, wait, it’s a spoof, but it MUST be real, because “puckering elitist IQ pimp(s)” say [...]
Comment by BJTexs on 10/4 @ 7:52 am #
Attended in the mid-seventies. I’m still in the area (Exton) if you ever want to get together for a snort. bjtexs (at) gmail (dot) com.
Yes and the best part is that they changed the name for exactly the reason you think they did. They didn’t even bother to come up with a cover story, which I continue to find deeply funny.
Comment by ushie on 10/4 @ 3:14 pm #
You know what really pisses me off?
The went and changed the name of Beaver College.
An all girls school at one time, btw.
And I graduated from there! The other reason was, people kept stealing all the college’s signs. They’d take the “Beaver” and leave the “College.” SO we just told people who asked that we went to College…
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 10/4 @ 6:41 pm #
“Are you ready?”
The crowd responds:
Hell yes!
Damn Right!
Hotty Toddy, Gosh almighty
Who the hell are we?
Hey!
Flim Flam, Bim Bam
Ole Miss, By Damn!
Are you ready?
Hell yes!
Damn Right!
Hotty Toddy, Gosh almighty
Who the hell are we?
Hey!
Flim Flam, Bim Bam
Ole Miss, By Damn!
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 10/4 @ 6:42 pm #
“The Harvard of the South,” BTW.
Pingback by Cowboys Fer Palin, Genuises With Like Totally Smart Genius IQ’s Fer Obama (Wait, is that redununundint?) « MorganWrites on 10/9 @ 1:32 pm #
[...] is more truthiness here. Oh, wait, it’s a spoof, but it MUST be real, because “puckering elitist IQ pimp(s)” say [...]
Comment by Josh the Business Plan Guy on 12/11 @ 12:39 am #
yeah it is a real pity that hah-vah-rd ain’t what it used to be.
Comment by Craigslist Phone Verified Accounts on 6/13 @ 6:59 am #
Insightful read. I have stumbled and twittered this for my friends. Others no doubt will like it like I did.