”What are those, behind the reeds? Are those ducks?”
Billy didn’t hesitate. “Without a doubt. Ducks.”
finis
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September 17, 2008
“Ducks”: a protein wisdom micro-fiction
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Comment by Slartibartfast on 9/17 @ 11:07 am #
Uh, whut?
Comment by mojo on 9/17 @ 11:08 am #
I like the reeds. Nice touch.
Comment by Jeff G. on 9/17 @ 11:09 am #
one of my dogs had surgery yesterday and I have to pick her up today after dropping my son off at school. Wife is away on a business trip — and my other dog figures to be sniffy and mouthfully curious around any kind of dressing on surgically-repaired dog’s leg.
Which means I’ll have to closely monitor the situation. Which leads me to adopt frivolity today. As a way of coping.
Plenty of stuff over at the Pub, though.
Comment by Roland THTG on 9/17 @ 11:11 am #
If it walks, looks, or quacks like a duck……… shoot it.
I hate ducks.
Comment by Roland THTG on 9/17 @ 11:12 am #
Because of the intentionalism.
Comment by Pablo on 9/17 @ 11:12 am #
Billy Jack? Billy Carter? Billy Barty? Billy Bob Thornton? Billy Idol? Billy Graham? Billy Joel? Billy Martin? Billy Zane? Billy Ray Cyrus?
Damn, that’s a big hole to fill in.
Comment by Sdferr on 9/17 @ 11:13 am #
Fulvous whistling?
Comment by Sdferr on 9/17 @ 11:14 am #
So is the itching healing finger syndrome gone by now or lingering yet?
Comment by cranky-d on 9/17 @ 11:16 am #
Frivolity is highly underrated I think. More people should try it.
Comment by MAJ (P) John on 9/17 @ 11:17 am #
Billy – don’t get complacent. Could be a DBIED. I suggest you cordon off the area and see if anyone from Task Force Troy is in the area. Or at least call a route clearance team… Don’t forget to call in your 9-line UXO report. We’ll make sure we load your observations into CIDNE. Thanks Billy.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:21 am #
Billy was wrong, however. They were ocelots afflicted by some strange mallardy.
Comment by maggie katzen on 9/17 @ 11:23 am #
whee! I didn’t get the 9 extra minutes of sleep after hitting the snooze alarm this morning because Roxie, the german shepherd mix, needed an escort to the water dish because maggie the tabby terror usually lies in wait for her there. I shouldn’t have to referee that one. especially at seven in the morning.
now, if maggie were a duck? Roxie would chomp her without a second thought.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:27 am #
I dreamed my attic was full of kittens.
Comment by Chico Marx on 9/17 @ 11:29 am #
Yeah, but why can’t you tell me viaduct?
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:30 am #
I went up there to get a box, and there were kittens. Big kittens, new kittens, cat’s with kittens, kittens having kittens; I wasn’t really sure how to handle the situation.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:31 am #
Now I know – duct tape.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 9/17 @ 11:37 am #
Your dog will probably get one of those plastic funnels place on its coller to keep it from licking the stitches. Ours had one and it was funny to watch her eat – a bowl of food, the funnel coming down and engulfing the bowl, the funnel going up, and all the food is gone.
Comment by Mikey NTH on 9/17 @ 11:37 am #
Sarah W. – Duck tape – keeps everything from quacking.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:39 am #
There now, there is a solution. Duct-tape a cone on the head of the dog with the good legs, too.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:40 am #
Who says you have to have surgery to get the head-cone.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:40 am #
Win-win!
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:41 am #
Well, maybe you’d have to put netting on the big end of the cone.
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 11:42 am #
Rather more complicated than I anticipated.
Comment by urthshu on 9/17 @ 11:42 am #
Why a duck?
Comment by BJTexs on 9/17 @ 11:48 am #
Shotgun?
I denounce myself.
Comment by maggie katzen on 9/17 @ 11:49 am #
filled with kibble?
Comment by urthshu on 9/17 @ 11:59 am #
AFLAC!!
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 9/17 @ 12:02 pm #
In other words, “indubitably ducks.”
Comment by Jeff G. on 9/17 @ 12:06 pm #
Finger not yet healed. Much better, but lots of scabbing. And no feeling in the tip.
Andrew Sullivan denounces me for that last…
Comment by Swen Swenson on 9/17 @ 12:15 pm #
Practically everything I’ve ever posted here has been frivolous and still I get no repect!
Comment by Squid on 9/17 @ 12:21 pm #
…But there’s a poison I’d like to administer,
You think they’re cuddly, but I think they’re sinister.
Ducks! Ducks! Quack quack! Quack quack!
Comment by Rob Crawford on 9/17 @ 12:25 pm #
Could be a smallish goose. Geese are bad — grumpy as hell and they crap everywhere.
Comment by Patrick on 9/17 @ 12:28 pm #
Duck down. Duckbill soup. Duckbill platypus. Duck l’Orange.
Mmmmmmmmm. Duck donuts.
Comment by mojo on 9/17 @ 12:30 pm #
“Can’t fool-a me! There is no sanity clause!”
Comment by Sdferr on 9/17 @ 12:31 pm #
Repect is sort of like building underdeveloped chest muscles all over again?
Comment by Patrick on 9/17 @ 12:32 pm #
Duck! Dodge! Hyde!
Comment by Ric Locke on 9/17 @ 12:40 pm #
Duck Cheney
Punctuate as desired.
Regards,
Ric
Comment by SarahW on 9/17 @ 12:56 pm #
BJT – killing kittens? A job, perhaps, for a so-flo barfly. But then the fumigation bills. Nosiree, sticky tape.
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 9/17 @ 1:08 pm #
“And what’s a duck’s beak called, Bill?”
Comment by Steven Speilberg on 9/17 @ 1:19 pm #
All these bad puns remind me of “Howard the Duck”.
A movie like that would have ended most guy’s careers.
Comment by kelly on 9/17 @ 1:20 pm #
Great, my alma mater plays the Ducks this Sat. How very meta.
Comment by maggie katzen on 9/17 @ 1:22 pm #
oh, shoosh, Kelly, let’s not even go near “riding the ducks”.
oops.
Comment by BJTexs on 9/17 @ 1:25 pm #
Sarah: Your choice of ammo package.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 9/17 @ 1:33 pm #
We saw a merganser on the creek by my sister’s house a couple of weeks ago.
That little bastard was chasing trout in a deep pool, and boy, could he SWIM. Chased a 12 inch trout into the shallows, picked it up and swallowed it whole.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 9/17 @ 1:37 pm #
“Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!â€Â
-Daffy Duck wielding the buck-and-a-quarter staff
Comment by BJTexs on 9/17 @ 2:19 pm #
Mr. O’Brain: You forgot the inevitable WHAM!!
Comment by mojo on 9/17 @ 2:48 pm #
I’m just glad the ducks weren’t on the wall, know what I mean?
Comment by bigbooner on 9/17 @ 3:13 pm #
I question the timing.
Comment by dicentra on 9/17 @ 3:20 pm #
I went up there to get a box, and there were kittens. Big kittens, new kittens, cats with kittens, kittens having kittens; I wasn’t really sure how to handle the situation.
Dur. You call in the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 9/17 @ 4:41 pm #
From NRBQ’s roadie band (The Mother-Fathers) circa 1973 -
“Of all the animals in the zoo,
I hate the fuckin’ duck the most
Because the fuckin’ duck will fuck you,
and then give you a fuckin’ bill”
I think the Mother-Fathers were the first punk band I ever heard.
And they still make me laugh…
and, as an addendum, I used to have ducks until the foxes came.
OMG! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for that to sound so erotic! Puns are so much fun, I think.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 9/17 @ 4:47 pm #
I think you probably hate ducks because you have not thought of wrapping them in “duck” tape to keep them from splitting open when you do that thang to them.
Maybe I should leave now…
Yeah. Pretty definitely.
Later, when cynicism has bowed it’s ugly head…
Comment by maggie katzen on 9/17 @ 11:23 pm #
eeeeee! I luv them! but she won’t have any new kittens for a while. supposedly.
Comment by Rusty on 9/18 @ 7:37 am #
Ducks are tasty.
Ducks are nice.
Ducks are good,
on a bed of rice.
Comment by ducktrapper on 9/18 @ 7:54 am #
Whale oil beef hooked. M r ducks!