I wish I knew how to embed it. But fuck. I’m drinking Absinthe, and the green fairie don’t do html.
So here.
Warning: graphic images of graphic images. But no pooter. I have my pride, after all.
And, you know — a penis.
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August 24, 2008
The ceremonial cleaning of THE WOUND: a video short
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Comment by Slartibartfast on 8/24 @ 11:09 pm #
Oh, GNARLY!
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/24 @ 11:37 pm #
Q: Are you in this class?
A: I am today.
A: Plus, Absinthe!
Comment by happyfeet on 8/24 @ 11:51 pm #
Are you gonna finish that scotch? You said last sip. That seems wrong.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/24 @ 11:57 pm #
Here, then, is a great mystery. Nothing in the universe can be the same if somewhere, we do not know where exactly, a glass of scotch has – yes or no? – been wasted.
Ask yourselves: is it yes or no? This glass of scotch, did he finish it? And you will see how everything changes…
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 12:02 am #
I finished both it, it’s cousins, and a family of absinthe tourists.
Now? Chicken McNuggets!
Comment by thor on 8/25 @ 12:04 am #
Whoa, you usually have to search through the fetish section to see a gash that nasty.
You almost lost the tip of your finger to that thing. You do not exaggerate. That’s some nasty.
Comment by Zelda on 8/25 @ 2:01 am #
The finger looks horrible, but I have to know how you drink absinthe like that. It doesn’t exactly dull one’s senses. My sister and I drank it once and about an hour later our dad came back to life. Took years to shake that off.
Comment by Darth Bacon on 8/25 @ 3:05 am #
Dude!
That type of wound, in the commercial kitchen argot, is called a ‘flapper’. And that’s a mighty flapper you’ve got there, Mr. Goldstein.
May I ask, how in the hell you managed to cut yourself with a zin-zin (so named for the sound French people think it makes, much as they actually believe roosters say ‘co-co-ri-co’ as opposed to ‘cock-a-doodle-do’)? I mean…protective housing, dude…
Comment by Rich "El Tejon" Cox on 8/25 @ 5:05 am #
Can I just be an attention manwhore here and say that when I lived in France I never had ANY Absinthe, and when we PCS’d back to the states, the bottle I had shipped back was seized. So I have jealousy Jeff.
And will just have to get some now. I feel much better. Enabler!
Comment by Salt Lick on 8/25 @ 6:18 am #
I think it’s possible that when it’s healed you can will that fingertip to glow red and do miraculous things.
And I can tell you from experience that when they say leave the plastic blower shield on the lawnmower — leave the plastic blower shield on the lawnmower.
Comment by ST on 8/25 @ 6:30 am #
Again with the Absinthe.
Absinthe drinking–as a general measure of retro trendiness–has become pretty much a cliche over the last ten years.
I must admit though, that boo-boo on your finger certainly looks painful.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 6:40 am #
Oh, you can get absinthe now that its not so illegal.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 6:41 am #
And it was only illegal b/c they wanted not so many lazy bum addicts with TB and stuff. That didn’t work out so well and we got them anyway so I guess they said whatever.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 6:42 am #
lazy bum addicts with TB and stuff = FRENCH people
Comment by Pablo on 8/25 @ 6:48 am #
You hear that, Pasty? Your beverage is not trendy. Ha!
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 6:54 am #
The TB spreading addicts we will always have with us.
I have wormwood in my herb garden. I wonder if you could just stick a branch in some vodka, limoncello style, and get a worthy cocktail. How do they make it green, anyway?
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 6:55 am #
I mean, like put up the vodka and wormwood like peaches. Take it to the county fair.
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 6:58 am #
Oh, here you go.
Absinthe #1
1 pint vodka
2 tsp crumbled wormwood (dried)
2tsp anise seed
1/2 tsp fennel seed
4 cardomom pods
1 tsp majoram
1/2 tsp ground coriander
2 tsp chopped angelica root
1 2/3 cups sugar syrup
Place vodka in large jar with tight fitting lid. Add wormwood and shake well; steep 48 hrs and strain out. Crush seeds and pods in mortar. Add them and all remaining spices to vodka and steep in a warm place 1 week. Filter and sweeten. (The sugar syrup mentioned above is your standard simple syrup.)
Absinthe #2
1 tsp crumbled wormwood
1 cup vodka
2 Tbsp chopped peppermint leaves
1 piece of lemon peel, 3/4″x2″
1/3-1/2 cup sugar syrup
Steep wormwood in vodka for 48 hours. Strain out and add peppermint leaves and lemon peel. Steep for 8 days, strain and sweeten. Smells good but is more bitter than #1.
Absinthe Wine
All herbs are dried.
2 tsp peppermint
2 tsp dried wormwood
2 tsp thyme
2 tsp lavender
2 tsp hyssop
2 tsp majoram
2 tsp sage
2 pints port
Steep herbs one week, filter and bottle. My notes describe this as “bitter, aromatic and potent”.
——–
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 7:03 am #
Oh, and for color, 1 part Prestone® Extended Life
Antifreeze/ Coolant. Which is sort of an oxymoron.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 7:20 am #
Those will give you the taste of it, probably. But look online for real stuff -
here
here
or here
I have a bottle of czech stuff I got in Canada, but it sucks really bad, didn’t louche, etc. Probly I’m going to order some eventually.
Comment by Mark A. Flacy on 8/25 @ 7:28 am #
SarahW, wikipedia has some comments about Absinthe kits. YMMV.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 7:39 am #
I think the historical Absinthe bans ~1870s were responsible for the beginnings of fantasy literature. Or maybe the bans were supported by literary critics who hated fantasy. either/or. Anyway, there’s probly an undergrad thesis in there somewhere
“Absinthe?! That shits dangerous! I’ll just stick with my laudanum, thankewverymuch”
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 7:48 am #
It sounds like a good drink for a Halloween party.
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 7:49 am #
I can’t handle ETOH. I feel it so quick I’m under the table before I have any kind of fun.
Comment by SarahW on 8/25 @ 7:50 am #
But a spoon or two of Green Stuff might be a pleasant diversion.
Comment by Bryan on 8/25 @ 7:54 am #
I can’t believe someone /asked/ to see that. Oh well, nice wall treatment…
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 8:28 am #
OT completely. but is anybody reading the NYT op/eds? Maybe you’re all in Monday meetings. F. Rich is still funny, but there’s one here where its all like, “If O wins it won’t be enough!”
Comment by PC on 8/25 @ 8:36 am #
Ok I know we already hashed through this, but I just put my baby on the kindergarten bus this morning so I was thinking about making a pitcher of margaritas. But then I thought “too early?”
I have to be sober by the time the bus drops her off this afternoon.
sigh.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 8:45 am #
On when to pull the stitches, I’d wait until the beginning of next week rather than late this week, if I were you. Then pull them myself. If your finger is getting itchy feeling more than acutely or dully painful, you are beyond good to go.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 9:04 am #
I did the walls myself, Bryan. So thanks.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 8/25 @ 9:05 am #
“If O wins it won’t be enough!â€Â
Enough is never enough. Freebies for all require quite a mental labyrinth that can never be finished, no matter what happens.
Until we live in these people’s servant’s quarters, and give them all of our money, they will not be done. And no, I am not talking ethnically. I’m talking about what appears to be almost half of the country.
Funny what not paying any taxes does to one’s sense of entitlement.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/25 @ 9:06 am #
If you pull the stitches yourself will you video that? That sounds kind of cool.
Comment by McGehee on 8/25 @ 9:14 am #
Doctors tend to frown on the patient pulling his own stitches. That’s how I ended up having to wear a lampshade around my neck.
Comment by McGehee on 8/25 @ 9:15 am #
One of these days they’ll let me take it off.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 9:17 am #
I’ve been denying doctors income for years now McGehee and they haven’t managed to get me put away yet. Let ‘em frown, I say.
Comment by psycho...)))) on 8/25 @ 9:19 am #
Healin’ good news (that I accidentally noticed because I have a habit of typing things in the wrong boxes on this browser on this computer (not mine)): This very website right here has once again become the top search result for “proteinwisdom” at Google.
(For a long time, until recently, it wasn’t. Really.)
Comment by McGehee on 8/25 @ 11:11 am #
Oh, you should’ve seen the hissy fit they threw when I chewed through the straps.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 11:24 am #
Aw, now you’ve gone and got me in stitches McGehee, damn you. Wait a minute, will I have to go to an anti-comedian to get them taken out?
Comment by Robert on 8/25 @ 11:35 am #
Absinth from the Czech Republic is known to real Absinthe aficionados as “crapsinthe.” Any absinthe that advertises high thujone levels or claims that you’ll be trippin ballz is crapsinthe. Also, lighting absinthe on fire is the mark of a moron; check YouTube for some entertaining videos of people igniting themselves with this Czech-inspired stupidity.
Having gotten that off my chest, what brand are you drinking, Jeff?
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 11:48 am #
dunno. has van gogh on the box i think.
Comment by Robert on 8/25 @ 11:51 am #
Sounds like King of Spirits or King of Spirits Gold, the worst of the Crapsinth offenders. Do me a favor, Jeff. Go to the Wormwood Society website, read the FAQ, and buy yourself some good absinthe. You’ll thank me.
Comment by B Moe on 8/25 @ 12:11 pm #
I can’t see this, or listen to your podcasts, because the piece of shit Microsoft put in my computer keeps blocking the Realplayer downloads I need, just like it blocks about half the other downloads I try. I have undid all the internal security I can find with my limited abilities, and I still can’t get it to work.
What alternatives to Vista are there out there? Something other than Microsoft and simple to use.
Comment by Jeff B. (the real one, not the jackass who stole my name) on 8/25 @ 12:13 pm #
Why on earth did I click on that link? I hate gore, I especially hate real-life gore, I have a particular dislike for finger injuries, and yet I clicked. I’m the worst sort of rubbernecker.
Jeff, because I’ve been out of pocket for way too long…how did you pwn your finger like this? Horrible knife mishap? Lawnmower disaster? Piano wire tragedy?
[shudders]
Comment by Pablo on 8/25 @ 12:17 pm #
B Moe, I get the podcasts playing in Windows Media Player.
Comment by B Moe on 8/25 @ 12:21 pm #
Thanks, I will try that as a short term, but I am serious about nuking Vista, do I have any real options besides XP?
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 8/25 @ 12:21 pm #
What alternatives to Vista are there out there? Something other than Microsoft and simple to use.
http://store.apple.com
Comment by McGehee on 8/25 @ 12:22 pm #
I couldn’t hear the sound on Media Player Classic, but I could see that Jeff was brandishing a handheld blender that was probably the one that bit him.
I’m surprised he didn’t bash it against the table or counter, though he may have done that after the point beyond which I could no longer watch.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/25 @ 12:22 pm #
He shows you the evil immersion blender in the video, Jeff B. It happened when he was cleaning it. He never said I don’t think what happened exactly. I figure he must have been cleaning it and somehow it turned on. Unless it’s just really really sharp.
Comment by Pablo on 8/25 @ 12:23 pm #
Well, B Moe, if you’re a heathen you could take SBP’s advice.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 12:51 pm #
Yeah, I was cleaning it while it was plugged in, and it slipped, and I caught it, and I was proud I caught for, for a split second I mean, until it became apparent that I’d caught it with my finger on the power button, and another finger inside the protective housing, where the blade did as it was told and spun.
I don’t blame the blender. I blame Bush. And docweaselband.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 8/25 @ 12:54 pm #
I did something similar with a hot soldering iron once.
Still have the scar.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 1:06 pm #
http://www.vlite.net/about.html
vLite should tame that Vista crapola
Comment by Jeff B. (the real one, not the jackass who stole my name) on 8/25 @ 1:11 pm #
I don’t blame the blender. I blame Bush. And docweaselband.
Blaming Bush is passe. The real cutting edge commentators know to blame Cheney. And docweaselband – they’re history’s greatest monster!
Comment by Rich "El Tejon" Cox on 8/25 @ 1:50 pm #
re: the absinthe brand.
Damn Jeff, that the one I had too. Jealousy glows greener.
And as to how to drink it (but remember I have not yet had the pleasure) it turns green when water is added… which is traditionally done by S L O W L Y dripping it over a sugar cube that is resting on a special spoon. Oh, the Mobile Custom’s Office let me keep that.
Comment by Rich "El Tejon" Cox on 8/25 @ 1:52 pm #
Yes Jeff B., but really cutting edge progressives yell McCain=Cheney!!!!!! AGHHHH!!!!
Only much less poetically.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 1:53 pm #
I’m now inclined to blame bad design. Shit like that ought to be impossible.
I had a small corded DeWalt angle drill with just such a bad design that would allow for the thing to turn on when it wasn’t wanted on. The on switch was a long levered flap (not a trigger) running half the length of the body that the mere weight of the drill could compress if it rolled or was laid or bumped in use down on the wrong side.
Motherfucker of a tool, most often used in narrow spaces where you couldn’t get a normal drill, usually when the operator himself too (me) was contorted on a ladder, twisting limbs between joists through wires or pipes etc. and bang! on it would go with nasty results.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 2:05 pm #
Here’s a pic of it on eBay. That aluminum thing is the flap, hinged on the back side in the pic, from another angle, thus.
Comment by urthshu on 8/25 @ 2:06 pm #
I dunno about the bad design thing.
Alot of stuff we tend to call good design now is just stuff that is safe, not necessarily a thing that can get real work done. Like industrial tools vs. home tools – some of the industrial grade stuff will break your wrists easily if you use them like an idiot, but the ‘well-designed’ home tools will strip/burn themselves out before they get much of anything accomplished.
Or like Mac vs. Linux LOL
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 2:09 pm #
A simple trigger guard would have prevented Jeff’s accident.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 2:10 pm #
Of course, so would pulling the f’n cord, for next time.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 2:12 pm #
I took on electricity and it kicked my ass. I’m big enough to admit it.
Comment by Salt Lick on 8/25 @ 2:26 pm #
I’ve wondered how those guys foul up using nail guns. I remember reading a story where a guy woke up with 2 or 3 nails from one in his head. I’ve used nail guns and it seemed to me you’d have to punch yourself in the head with one to get a nail there.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 2:32 pm #
I had a foreman in ‘73 who, while talking with another fellow (and I watched him do this, mind you), absentmindedly pressed the finish nailer he was holding into his palm and pulled the trigger. Idiot. We pulled the 10d out with a pair of pliers (it was in a bone and kinda hard to do) but never, ever let him forget.
Comment by dicentra on 8/25 @ 3:21 pm #
Jeff:
That kind of wall treatment works best when the base color and the daub-on color(s) are really close. Typically the base color should be darker, and the daub-ons should be fairly close to each other, too.
My sister did a fairly good one with a dark mauve as the base, with two shades of gold on top, the darker shade being very close to the mauve, so it only barely stood out.
I’m just sayin’
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 3:54 pm #
The wall looks great. It was done with a trowel and three colors, if I remember correctly. May not be to your tastes, but I like it — and it goes really well with the cherrywood office furniture and shelving.
Comment by dicentra on 8/25 @ 4:00 pm #
Hey, your pad, your design. And I hate cherrywood, so that would explain the difference in taste.
I guess the lighting was bad, because from my end it looked like maize sponged onto a plain white wall. Which is what the previous owners did to the house that my brother tried to buy but found out, en route to Nashville from Utah, that the IRS had a $30,000 lien on it.
They’re renting, BTW. Because they couldn’t enroll the kids in school while they were living in a hotel.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 8/25 @ 4:01 pm #
Or like Mac vs. Linux LOL
Hmm… pretty sure that MacOS is (real) Unix, so I think your analogy doesn’t quite work. :-)
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 4:05 pm #
Hmmmph, I wonder about darks on lights vs. lights on darks. I thought art was all about violating (calcified) rules and stuff now-a-days though.
Or could it depend on the material the painter seeks to imitate, “…if you can see it (in your unseeing mind’s eye) you can make it work”?
At least that’s what my wife, the scenic painter told me. That, along with her belief that good art was all about the sex drive (or something akin to it).
She did like the hell out of Jocasta Innes though, so could be there are some kind of rules floating around out there. But maybe technique is a better word than rules for what she got out of Innes.
Comment by Rusty on 8/25 @ 4:05 pm #
#50
Yer sposed ta unplug electric stuff when ya mess with it.Just sayin’.
Comment by dicentra on 8/25 @ 4:37 pm #
I think she meant good art was about the libido, which refers to the broader creative force that includes the sex drive but also informs art and junk.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 4:44 pm #
I think you are right, dicentra, what she meant. But she really did put it the way I wrote it. Then, she wasn’t given to the niceties of speech Ric points to now and again. She is a terrific painter though, as far as I can see. Colors, shapes, textures, lines, volumes, she could do all that to please the eye.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/25 @ 4:57 pm #
No, it wasn’t maize sponged onto white walls. There are four colors in their, two of which are applied with a trowel and then scraped off.
But I guess I’ll avoid future glimpses. Seems everyone’s a critic.
Comment by Diana on 8/25 @ 5:08 pm #
When you let them into your home … they always look for the dustbunnies.
Comment by Sdferr on 8/25 @ 5:26 pm #
Cherry splinters are a bitch of bitches. It does make gorgeous furniture though. An Eshrick piece, for example.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/25 @ 5:28 pm #
I like glimpses. I want to see your dog, mostly. I can’t have a dog of my own.
Comment by dicentra on 8/25 @ 5:33 pm #
OK, I just looked again, and indeed it is not maize blotted onto a plain white wall. My bad.
However, if you saw into my home, you’d see plain white walls with nuthin’ else there. Not gonna be featured in Better Homes & Gardens for either the home or the garden.
So there.
Comment by dicentra on 8/25 @ 5:34 pm #
I’m also wearing bright turquoise pedal pushers, a green floral-print scrubs top, and bright yellow shoes, so consider the source.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/25 @ 5:36 pm #
My home has third world carpeting. Sort of an early 80s Bangladesh feel. Not that you would notice what with the fabulous area rugs and all.
Comment by McGehee on 8/25 @ 6:50 pm #
Nobody sees into my home if they value their sanity. Or at least their most recent meal.
Comment by mojo on 8/25 @ 10:17 pm #
Dude. Like, gross…
And what’s with the cheeze-o beard and Caesar Augustus haircut? You look like a Roman Maynard Krebs.
But then, I seem to talk like one (Ave, Doby!), so who am I to get all judgmental and shit? I blame the ‘dillo.
Poor little guy.
Comment by Spiny Norman on 8/26 @ 12:53 am #
re: absinthe brand
The bottle of Absente liqueur I have has Van Gogh on the box, but isn’t “real” absinthe (no Grande Wormwood). Lucid, however, is the real deal and is widely available. I like it, and it was an interesting coincidence to find this topic here, because I just bought another bottle of Lucid today…
Your finger looks, ummm, painful, Jeff. Thanks for the PSA. I’ll remember to keep my hands away from spinning blades…
.
(no sarcasm involved, in case it wasn’t clear)
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/26 @ 9:46 am #
I’m in the early stages of evolving into Gilligan, mojo. Just got to get all the “hep” stuff out of my system.
Comment by Rusty on 8/26 @ 4:09 pm #
A certain amount of male mutilation is to be expected. Especially when when working outside your area of expertise.(Or drunk) Wimmen find guys that can fix stuff, sexy.”It’s OK,hon, I’ll fix it.” They also think you’re a complete duffus when you hurt yourself trying to fix something and will bring it up at any and all occaisions.
Comment by Blitz on 8/26 @ 8:16 pm #
Ok, one question and one (no,two) I know what absinthe is? but have never had it, nor even seen it. What does it really do?
Comment#1…Been there done that, went back to work the next morning, Stitches? No, electrical tape and neosporin with pain relief. did it hurt? HELL YES, but was just starting my shop, so had to be there. As an aside? I no longer have any feeling in that fingertip, so Jeff may just be doing this right?
Comment # 2
SHUTUP THOR
Comment by Blitz on 8/26 @ 8:24 pm #
# 45 Bmoe.
In my short but brutal experience with VISTA (Piss be upon it) I’ve found that the OS is a nasty little bastard to remove. XP is a better system, but God help you trying to downgrade. Apparently, Microsoft has built in something (I don’t understand yet, I will) that is a royal BITCH to get past.
Buy a (shiver) mac.
Comment by serr8d on 8/27 @ 6:54 pm #
I just watched that bandage-bondage-change video Jeff produced a couple days ago (I left for work while the thing downloaded, and forgot about it…silly DSL lite takes a while to deal with 35 MB).
Now, that’s a respectable injury. The only comparable one I could produce would be the one I managed at age 5 or so, while using a bicycle upside-down and free-wheeling the rear tire with the pedals…yep, there was that chain-driven sprocket, and yes, I put my left pointy fingertip into the moving sprocket (luckily inserting it lengthwise, so no fingertip loss).
Still my bestest scar I think. My fingerprint set is one-of-a-kind..
Comment by The Truth on 9/19 @ 6:26 am #
You tortured Tyias(later named Doby) in Oxford and forced her to traumatic global prostitution the torture will give its proof and adequeate action will be taken by truth’s own force which is superior over heavens also I am the Truth
Comment by SCgirl on 1/3 @ 3:01 pm #
Hi, just found your video of cleaning your finger wound, not looking forward to cleaning mine for the first time. I sustained the same injury last night and have 17 stitches from it. So I just wanted to ask now that it’s been a few months, how has your finger healed?