Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but now that we’re here, I can’t help but think how forty acres, a mule, and one of them badass DR Trimmer Mowers would have been, like, so tits!
I mean, a sickle? Tell me they’re fucking kidding me.
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August 9, 2008
“The forty acres and a mule follow-up x 6 post†(from the protein wisdom conceptual series)
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Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 9:09 am #
You still have to pay taxes on the forty acres. Maybe not the first year, but later. That would be a lot ruinous here in California. For me anyway. Still, it’s a nice dream. I think I would name my mule Charlie.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/9 @ 9:11 am #
I’d get a tractor and name my mule “emergency food supply”.
Comment by urthshu on 8/9 @ 9:13 am #
Yeah, a sickle.
Of course, once the sickles get issued and all are saying WTF? and start rioting, well, sickle control will inevitably follow.
Comment by B Moe on 8/9 @ 9:13 am #
I would sell the 40 acres and ride the mule back to town.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:14 am #
Well, they did get a lot of sickle… cell.
Man, Bernie Mac died. Yeah, I know. Liberal. Supported Obama and whatnot. But that fucker was funny.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 9:16 am #
Someone should name their mule after him.
Comment by urthshu on 8/9 @ 9:20 am #
I would dress my mule in buttless leather chaps. Then smack him on the ass. Maybe I’d upload the vid to youtube, but I somehow doubt it.
Read the thing on B-Mac. Sad, very sad. Will miss his funny.
Comment by JimK on 8/9 @ 9:21 am #
I only got 10 acres, but the mower has set with flat tires in the barn for the past few years. I like a meadow, not lawn. It gives better cover for the deer and turkeys. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
Comment by Jeff G. on 8/9 @ 9:22 am #
Bernie Mac died? Fuck. Yeah, he was a funny dude. What happened?
Oh, nevermind. Found it.
Had real presence, did Mac. To me, he doesn’t rise to the tragedy of losing Hedberg so young — but that’s because Mac had already made it big, and he’ll be better remembered by the mainstream. Still, 50, way too young to go and take all that interesting shit in your head with you.
Comment by nikkolai on 8/9 @ 9:24 am #
My baby left me–my mule got lame
I lost my money in a poker game
Wind storm came just the other day
Blew the house that I lived in away
I’m havin’ so much trouble…..
Comment by poppa india on 8/9 @ 9:30 am #
Sad about Bernie Mac-liked his style and his show. A few years ago he was in an “I’m the NRA” ad. In an interview with him, he talked about how he liked having the knowledge & self-discipline to handle firearms safely.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:33 am #
Yeah, the Lord takes the funny ones. Farley, Belushi, Hedberg (his baked potato bit made me piss myself), Hartman…
Michael Moore however, will continue to eat deep fried bacon and shame and live to be 100.
Best recent Bernie Mac line: ‘I’ve voted democrat all my life…but I’m a REPUBLICAN come tax time ga’damnit.’
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:35 am #
hf- Bernie would be a GREAT name for a mule…but don’t loan him to urthshu.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:40 am #
In honor of Bernie, here are his first two appearances on Def Comedy Jam waaaaaaay back in the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RviYo3WsqjU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PENqTm6haPA
Comment by ccoffer on 8/9 @ 9:47 am #
Why couldn’t it have been Hooptie Goldberg?
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:58 am #
Jonah Goldberg’s nick name is ‘Hooptie?’
Who knew?
Does he have a cool car or something? Cause I figured he’d drive, like, a Volkswagen. I mean not a crappy station wagon or anything.
But maybe an old Volvo.
With books in the trunk.
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 8/9 @ 10:07 am #
It would actually worse,Jeff, since it is more likely they’d be given scythes, rather than sickles. Two reasons, one, it is a better tool for harvesting grain and the guv’mint wouldn’t wanna be accused of racism for holding back the good stuff from the po’ ol’ oppressed black men.
Three, actually — a scythe is an awfully clumsy weapon.
Comment by TaiChiWawa on 8/9 @ 10:14 am #
You misunderstood. The deal is a forty of Black Bull in a brown paper bag.
Comment by B Moe on 8/9 @ 10:20 am #
A forty and a donk?
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 10:21 am #
“scythes…it is a better tool for harvesting grain”…
Who’s harvesting grain? Everybody knows we (and by ‘we,’ I mean every ‘melanin challenged’ person alive today) made ‘em pick cotton. You can’t pick cotton with a scythe.
Silly rabbit.
“a scythe is an awfully clumsy weapon”
Not in my RPG. My scythe (it’s called a REAPER!) has +40 mana, +30 strength, +10 chance of block, +50 damage redirected to enemy, & 20% more gold droped by enemies.
I fuck shit up with that thing.
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 8/9 @ 10:24 am #
LYDB: “Not in my RPG. My scythe (it’s called a REAPER!) has +40 mana, +30 strength, +10 chance of block, +50 damage redirected to enemy, & 20% more gold droped by enemies.”
*sigh*
There’s at least one in every crowd… of course, the fact that I can even guess the game prolly means there’stwo of us here…
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 10:27 am #
“The deal is a forty of Black Bull in a brown paper bag.”
Ooooh…delicious. It’s not yet noon and I can taste the malt right now!
Do they have a website?
I don’t need the paper bag.
Comment by mikey on 8/9 @ 10:36 am #
pronounced Foty you melanin-challenged slave holders
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 10:37 am #
“There’s at least one in every crowd… of course, the fact that I can even guess the game prolly means there’stwo of us here…”
Nah. The dorks make fun of me. They’re off in ‘World of Warcraft’ (version one hundred and twelve) or whatever, and I’m still playing ‘Fate’ on my computer at work. (LOL)
Seriously though, MIT should get to work on my REAPER! and get it to our guys in A-Stan & Iraq.
Or at least get them the ‘Lancer Rifle’ from Gears of War. One US Marine carrying that thing up the Hindu Kush and 72 virgins doesn’t seem like such a good trade off any more.
Comment by JD on 8/9 @ 10:39 am #
I would settle for 5 acres and a Brittany Spaniel.
Racist fucks
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 10:53 am #
A Brittany Spaniel?
We’re all racist fucks, but creepy, cripto, beastiality is OK?
You’re gonna strip naked and chase that poor dog all over your 5 acres aren’t you?
Mules in buttless chaps, Brittany Spaniels…
God, I love this place.
Comment by bergerbilder on 8/9 @ 10:55 am #
My FIL used horses instead. He used to say, “You can’t put 2 mules in a field this year and have 3 the next.” Couldn’t do the same with tractors, either, come to think of it.
He always had a sense of humor right up to the end. His last words to me, as I left his sick bed to go back home, were, “Stick around. We’re gonna spread manure.”
Comment by Darleen on 8/9 @ 10:56 am #
Sorry, Jerry Brown says you only get 800 square feet in a five story walk up, and no animal companions
And you WILL like it
gotta save the planet, you dirty ape
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 11:17 am #
I thought it was, ‘Damn Dirty Ape.’
I miss Heston.
And who is Jerry Brown? Is he in porn?
You’re in California, right? I think you’re thinking of Jackie Treehorn that said that.
But… no way Karl Hungus lived in a ‘five story walk up.’
Oh wait…he was white.
And German.
And had a ferrit.
Which is an animal companion. But Karl would get special treatment (have you seen him fix the ‘cable?’ It’s awesome).
Oooooooh…Jerry Brown was a Govenor (thanks WIKI).
OK, I get it now. I only know ‘Gold Rush’ then ‘Ah’nold.’ Whatever happened in between is ya’lls business.
Comment by Ric Locke on 8/9 @ 11:47 am #
Around here, forty acres is around a quarter mill. The mule and scythe are negligible.
Over 300 years at 4%, that comes to around two bucks. I don’t think O! will settle for that.
Regards,
Ric
Comment by Cowboy on 8/9 @ 11:54 am #
I once had to clear brush out of about 100′ of drainage ditch with a sickle.
I seriously considered just chewing it down to ground level.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 8/9 @ 11:54 am #
“Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 9:58 am #
Jonah Goldberg’s nick name is ‘Hooptie?’”
No, Jonah Goldberg’s nickname is “The Nep”
Comment by Karl (AKA Billy-Bob) on 8/9 @ 11:58 am #
Mmmmmm, some calls it a sickle, some calls it a scythe, mmmmm, I calls it a sling blade, mmmmm…
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 12:02 pm #
“universal strategies,” Ric… It’s the future.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 8/9 @ 12:17 pm #
- A Barcalounger, and a waterbong – the “new” forty acres and a mule.
Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 8/9 @ 12:18 pm #
My FIL used horses instead. He used to say, “You can’t put 2 mules in a field this year and have 3 the next.â€Â
Oxen.
You just need one unaltered bull to get the same self-reproducing feature.
Stronger than mules. Less temperamental than horses. Also, you get milk and meat on the side (which you can’t get from equines unless you’re Mongolian or, worse, French).
Comment by Darleen on 8/9 @ 12:23 pm #
#30 Lamont
Jerry Brown, out to “green” California back to the 18th century.
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 12:38 pm #
I didn’t know they still made oxen. This is what you get for shopping results on google when you type in “yoke.” If you go with “ox yoke” you don’t get any actual ox yokes. Just where you can buy pictures of ox yokes and a coatrack or a picnic table made out of them.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 8/9 @ 12:39 pm #
You weren’t offered a hammer & sickle?
Whew………..
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 12:39 pm #
I’m not yoking.
Comment by Ric Locke on 8/9 @ 12:40 pm #
The overseer gets the hammer, O’Brain.
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 8/9 @ 12:41 pm #
Ric Locke: “Over 300 years at 4%, that comes to around two bucks. ”
Racist code language — I denounce you!!
BBH: ” A Barcalounger, and a waterbong – the “new†forty acres and a mule.”
What is it with apolstered furniture on porches, anyway?
Comment by Ric Locke on 8/9 @ 12:46 pm #
No code words involved, DC. Now that all it means is “will not vote for Obama”, I have decided to embrace my heritage.
I’m quite sure a strong buck would be worth more than two bucks, but I don’t know how to apply the proper GDP deflator.
Regards,
Ric
Comment by N. O'Brain on 8/9 @ 12:48 pm #
“Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 12:39 pm #
I’m not yoking.”
Don’t egg him on, hf.
Comment by Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) on 8/9 @ 12:51 pm #
- Theres nothing sadder than an old hippy ex-Govenor, running around in polo shirts and topsiders, trying to recapture the herculean days of doing lines of coke from between Linda Ronstadt’s SugarTitsâ„¢ all night long, and flitting about the California countryside in his private jet to deliver “do as I say, not as I do” speeches to the great unwashed. Good times.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 8/9 @ 12:55 pm #
Apropos the hammer & sickle thing, this is interesting>
http://tinyurl.com/6axuz6
Also confusing.
Comment by N. O'Brain on 8/9 @ 12:59 pm #
Above link attribution to The Nep and ‘Dissecting Leftism’ blog.
Comment by SevenEleventy on 8/9 @ 1:10 pm #
☭
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 1:22 pm #
post-racial.
Comment by Dread Cthulhu on 8/9 @ 1:24 pm #
Ric Locke: “No code words involved, DC. Now that all it means is “will not vote for Obamaâ€Â, I have decided to embrace my heritage.”
And these two “bucks” you were referring to?
Mayhap racist language is more regionalized than I imagined… there’s probably a linguistics thesis in that notion, somewhere.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 1:27 pm #
BBH- I think you’re right. Linda Ronstadt causes problems. Jerry Brown should have been more of a Pat Benatar type of dude.
“I’m quite sure a strong buck would be worth more than two bucks, but I don’t know how to apply the proper GDP deflator.”
It’s easy at this point. How well does he syphon gasoline?
Comment by happyfeet on 8/9 @ 1:30 pm #
Yup. No reason at all Baracky can’t be sold like a refreshing fizzy marxist drink. Not that I can see.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 1:37 pm #
Darleen-
Jerry just needs a good ‘Bunny Lebowski.’
You’re probably hot. You’re in SoCal…just take one for the team.
I’m not saying make it easy. Put three feet of perfectly grilled angus beef between him and your naked body. Make him break his ‘rules’ and fuckin’ earn it.
And I want pics.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 2:01 pm #
“Yup. No reason at all Baracky can’t be sold like a refreshing fizzy marxist drink. Not that I can see.”
Yeah, come December, Baracky (whoever the hell he actually is), will be sitting there….on a dusty shelf, right next to RC Cola & New Coke.
Is ‘Central Casting” a company yet?
Can I but stock in it?
They all make big, giant asshole shapes with their hands.
Swear to God. There’s even a poster!
They’re has to be a way to make money in that.
Sans porn.
A sports drink! (Gatorade is prolly on this already)
Shit.
Comment by bergerbilder on 8/9 @ 2:05 pm #
Fizzies!!!!
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 2:06 pm #
You know the great thing about laptops?
I’m in the pool right now.
I pee’d in here not five minutes ago.
Technology rocks!
Comment by bergerbilder on 8/9 @ 2:11 pm #
What a coincidence. I was just swimming in my toilet.
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/9 @ 2:23 pm #
“What a coincidence. I was just swimming in my toilet.”
Well, be careful. If there’s less than 40% chlorine/soda ash in your toilet, your a fucking idiot.
Even so…look sharp for brown trout.
Comment by geoffb on 8/9 @ 3:50 pm #
“Fizzies!!!!”
I remember those, whatever happened to them?
Comment by geoffb on 8/9 @ 3:54 pm #
Oh, they’re back
Comment by quellcrist falconer on 8/9 @ 4:18 pm #
lol, praise Krom.
my pusher finally quit steppin on the cocaine with baby laxative.
welcome back, Master.
Comment by steveaz on 8/9 @ 4:25 pm #
There’re a lot of forties on the market here in AZ, guys. You can get some good dirt for ’round a thousand an acre.
But leave the mule at home.
Build an off-grid pad with the latest satellite internet connect, and kiss the urban (O!) insanity good-bye. I mean, do you really need all that “buzz?” Really?
And instead of the mule, I say shack up with a pole-dancing babe from Las Vegas instead. Eats less and hauls twice the load!
Cheers! from Goldwater country
Comment by David McKinnis on 8/9 @ 5:16 pm #
Maybe 40 inches and a bunny would be more economical. Then you could use a hand trimmer to scare the bunny.
Comment by Rusty on 8/9 @ 5:28 pm #
Can I trade my 40 acres and a horse for one of those 4 wheel ATV thingies? It would be da bomb for going out and checkin the buds I got growin in one of the national forrests.
Comment by SteveG on 8/9 @ 5:55 pm #
I thought we got past looking the gift horse in the mouth thread yesterday….
new word… machete. Sickle is OK for wheat and grass. Machete is the third world chainsaw.
MMA?… fill a Nicaraguan sugar cane cutter with a grudge, hand him a machete and promise him some flor y cana. 40 random body parts and a mule
Comment by M. Murcek on 8/9 @ 6:06 pm #
Now, this is much more like what I always liked to come here for…
Comment by David R. Block on 8/9 @ 6:11 pm #
Power mower, rotocycle, whatever it takes to mow that lawn!!
Comment by psycho... on 8/9 @ 7:24 pm #
Re: that quote in #53 –
Hey. Remember that news story a couple years ago, reproduced here at the time, where Simmons was outed as a Republican convert of some sort, and I called bullshit — if I remember right, on the grounds that no one with a “motherfuckin’ gold sink” (or possibly a “gold motherfuckin’ sink“) isn’t a Democrat? Right.
I should get fifty acres.
Or a well-lubricated mule. I can negotiate.
Comment by Trimegistus on 8/9 @ 8:48 pm #
Forty acres and plant it with white pine. Those suckers can fetch a couple of thousand each as timber if they’re good and straight. Effort required: zero. Potential payoff: at least $2 million after twenty years.
Comment by Swen Swenson on 8/10 @ 8:47 pm #
Two chickens and some pot! That’s the “new†forty acres and a mule.. Or was that the new New Deal? Whatever.
BTW, chaps are pretty much butless by definition. Makes them cowgirls.. interesting. Ya city boys don’t know what yer missin’.