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1. Comment by thor on 4/23 @ 9:53 am #

   Filching felchers fetching fucksticks.

2. Comment by JD on 4/23 @ 10:00 am #

   Filching felchers are really really gross.

3. Comment by McGehee on 4/23 @ 10:02 am #

   I’ve heard of cockslaps and asswipes, but cockswipes!?

4. Comment by TaiChiWawa on 4/23 @ 10:02 am #

   Warning! Penis robbers will be hung.

5. Comment by Salt Lick on 4/23 @ 10:19 am #

   I’m thinking this explains the CNN reporter with his dick secured to his neck. Those overseas assignments can be tough.

6. Comment by Mikey NTH on 4/23 @ 10:20 am #

   Invasion of The Penis Snatchers.

7. Comment by Salt Lick on 4/23 @ 10:33 am #

   Protect your future with a penis gourd!

8. Comment by JD on 4/23 @ 10:38 am #

   Salt Lick @ #5 – Christiana Ammanpour?

9. Comment by Pablo on 4/23 @ 10:50 am #

   Gimme back
   Gimme back my penis
   Put it back where it belongs
   Ain’t fooling around cause I ain’t had no fun
   Ain’t gonna see no more shrinking done
   Gimme back my penis

10. Comment by mojo on 4/23 @ 10:55 am #

    Oh noes! It’s the dreaded Pakistani Dick-shrinking Handshake of DOOM!

11. Comment by McGehee on 4/23 @ 11:36 am #

    <ominous chord>

12. Comment by charles austin on 4/23 @ 12:06 pm #

    Because there just aren’t enough dicks in the world today.

13. Comment by Rob Crawford on 4/23 @ 1:15 pm #

    It’s the loose ones running around the countryside that worry me.

14. Comment by Salt Lick on 4/23 @ 1:49 pm #

    It’s the loose ones running around the countryside that worry me.

    Right. There you are, savoring that last waffle bit, and your throat locks at the sight of your half-eaten sausage…

15. Comment by Jeffersonian on 4/23 @ 1:52 pm #

    More disappearing units in Sudan:

    Last month mass hysteria apparently swept the capital city, Khartoum, after reports that foreigners were shaking hands with Sudanese men and causing their penises to disappear. One victim, a fabric merchant, told his story to the London Arabic newspaper Al-Quds Al-Arabi. A man from West Africa came into the shop and “shook the store owner’s hand powerfully until the owner felt his penis melt into his body.”

    LINKY

16. Comment by tree hugging sister on 4/23 @ 2:16 pm #

    Apparently modern medicine has no cure available for paltry OR purloined PEENOOSES. So I told the witch doctor Dan doesn’t love me nice. And then the witch doctor, he gave me some advice…”Ooo eee,ooo hah hah! Shrink Dan’s walla walla, bing bang!”

    That’s probably where they got the idea from. I hate it when that happens.

17. Comment by Big Dan on 4/23 @ 2:34 pm #

    And then she turned ME into a newt!

18. Comment by Dan Collins on 4/23 @ 2:37 pm #

    I got better!

19. Comment by Mikey NTH on 4/23 @ 2:46 pm #

    “Honest honey, a soceror shrunk it today, else its mightyness would astound you! So, half price?”

20. Comment by Enoch_Root - TWP also on 4/23 @ 3:24 pm #

    erm… I interrupt this sausage-fest with the following important announcement: BOOBS!

21. Comment by tree hugging sister on 4/23 @ 3:31 pm #

    I got better!

    Just not bigger. Don’t worry, my puddin’, your personality will always make up for your small…feet.

22. Comment by thor on 4/23 @ 5:26 pm #

    C’mon Dan, the tomato plants on my balcony are in a major grow cycle. If you whip your willy out and block the sun again I’m going to turn into just another pissed off green earth urban dweller.

    I want my t’maters big enough to make love to.

23. Comment by Dan Collins on 4/23 @ 5:38 pm #

    Well, I guess it doesn’t quite amount to “tree hugging”, sister.

24. Comment by fletch on 4/23 @ 6:31 pm #

    Hmm.

    I saw that title, and was positive that it would be about what really occurred at the intersection of “Oppression of Womyn” Avenue and “Menstrual Cycle” Boulevard– with Melissa McSpEwen in the small role of the “insane shopping-cart lady” who is drenched with coffee thrown from a passing car occupied by

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