ever again.
“Finally, There’s A Way To Learn What’s Really Going On
Inside A Guy’s Mind…â€Â
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February 12, 2008
Shit. We’re Never Getting Laid [Dan Collins]
40 Comments ::: Post a comment »RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI: http://proteinwisdom.com/wp-trackback.php?p=11073 Leave a commentIf you want to leave a feedback to this post or to some other user´s comment, simply fill out the form below. |
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Comment by JHoward on 2/12 @ 3:31 pm #
Wrong. Because we guys surely think nothing of having sex with anything.
BECAUSE OF THE PATRIARCHALPRAGMATICPANSEXUALNIHILISM!
ps: COUNTERSOLIPSISTICGENDERIST!
Comment by happyfeet on 2/12 @ 3:33 pm #
Some of the people that read this book are going to vote in November. That doesn’t seem right to me.
Comment by Education Guy on 2/12 @ 3:35 pm #
I expect this will lead to me getting tazed on a (more) regular basis.
Comment by Christopher Taylor on 2/12 @ 3:38 pm #
The reason women read this kind of book is because they presume men are as confused, irrational, and complex in their thought processes as women. Men are pretty much straight forward, what you see is what you get. That’s why when we talk, you can follow the chain of thought rather than desperately try to catch up to whatever illogical leap you just made from one subject to an entirely unrelated one.
Comment by SarahWho is not always serious on 2/12 @ 3:51 pm #
I might assert men are not less complex, or more straightforward, they are simply are unconscious of more of their brain modules and the motives walled off from consciousness. We know you have secret feelings and observations, secret even to you, that can be manipulated. This explains the outfoxing, and also the giving up and accepting chocolate valentine fish.
Comment by Cowboy on 2/12 @ 3:55 pm #
Sorry, Sarah, CT is right. The formula?
Give us sex.
Feed us occasionally.
Tell us we’re good men.
Yours for life.
Comment by jmflynny on 2/12 @ 3:55 pm #
Is it really that complicated?
Men suck and, so do women.
Not all of them, just some of them, and to pretend to understand the motivations of an entire gender based on the bad experiences alone is just plain crap.
Nothing would please me more than to see rags such as Cosmo put out to pasture. Permanently.
How about this for a Don’t/Do list:
Don’t play games.
Don’t try to change others.
Don’t issue ultimatums.
Do say what you mean.
Do accept others as they are (or not!)
Do be willing to compromise.
sheesh
Comment by jdm on 2/12 @ 3:57 pm #
D’ja notice that “Cyndi Strauss” is a trademark of the site?
Comment by cranky-d on 2/12 @ 4:10 pm #
You want to know what’s going on inside a guy’s mind? Ask. There, saved you some money.
Comment by SarahWho is not always serious on 2/12 @ 4:11 pm #
Give us sex.
Feed us occasionally.
Tell us we’re good men.
Yours for life.
Well, shoot. I want some Flowerbomb perfume. (Is that so wrong!) And you had better figure it out without me saying so. Because that would just ruin it. :)
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 2/12 @ 4:14 pm #
Some of the people that read this book are going to vote in November. That doesn’t seem right to me.
A hilarious public-service ad encouraging voting, from several cycles ago, had a dork saying “I’ve read over nine thousand science fiction novels,” then going on to say why, “as an intellectual,” he had a duty to help select the nation’s leaders.
Then a title card pops up: “This guy votes.”
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 2/12 @ 4:19 pm #
How many pages do they need to spell “Blow Jobs”?
Comment by Swen Swenson on 2/12 @ 4:25 pm #
Yep, that works for hanging onto a man. But if you want to attract a man, don’t bath in that gastly, flowery, perfumy stuff. Just dab a little Hoppe’s #9 behind your ear. It really is an aphrodisiac!
Comment by McGehee on 2/12 @ 4:26 pm #
“That blonde is pretty hot. And that redhead is smokin’ hot. I wonder if they’d like to come over to my place and let me watch them get it on together?”
Comment by keninnorcal on 2/12 @ 5:12 pm #
On first glance I thought the title was “Catch Him and Kill Him.” For the bunny-boiler crowd out there.
Comment by B Moe on 2/12 @ 5:30 pm #
Don’t issue ultimatums.
Or else.
Comment by jmflynny on 2/12 @ 5:59 pm #
Hey, B Moe, have you seen this yet?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
Comment by JHoward on 2/12 @ 6:16 pm #
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 2/12 @ 6:41 pm #
Ladies, save your money. Here’s the Readers Digest version.
Comment by Great Mencken's Ghost on 2/12 @ 7:50 pm #
“Is it really that complicated?
Men suck and, so do women.”
Have you considered changing bars? or are you just ambivalent?
Comment by Sticky B on 2/12 @ 7:54 pm #
Comment by McGehee on 2/12 @ 4:26 pm #
Learn What’s Really Going On Inside A Guy’s Mind
“That blonde is pretty hot. And that redhead is smokin’ hot. I wonder if they’d like to come over to my place and let me watch them get it on together?â€Â
You forgot a small part of the thought process: “I wonder how old she is. I’d hate to go to jail for that shit.”
Comment by Sean M. on 2/12 @ 8:10 pm #
Sex. Beer. Sammiches.
You’re welcome, girls.
Comment by Jeff on 2/12 @ 8:17 pm #
Male mind: Hmmmm, let me see if there is a reason for the impending collapse of Western civilization.
Female mind: Why isn’t he paying attention to me?
Women harbor selfish, contradictory, and unsatisfiable desires. Men will try to satisfy them nonetheless. All female manipulation of men rests on that tomfoolery. The defense is simple: learn to say “no” to women. Your best defense against manipulation is a polite escort to the curb. Women are plentiful, cheap, and easy.
I do want to read “The five things women do that annoy men and kill intimacy.” Nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, and nagging. Yep. They really know a guy’s mind.
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 2/12 @ 9:05 pm #
Your marriage is young yet, Jeff. Once you run the ol’ odometer up a few years, whenever you come home and she’s reading a women’s magazine, and she looks up with a half-wondering, half-accusing expression and says, “Dear, why don’t you ever affirm my personhood?”, you’ll have a half-dozen ready answers to make it to safety with.
As for cornering you in bed when you’re falling asleep, in order to nail down your opinion on that eternally recurring domestic issue that she’s once again already made up her mind on–sorry, there’s no hope.
Comment by McGehee on 2/12 @ 9:19 pm #
You mean you’re not supposed to have that thought the morning after, when you hear the loud insistent pounding on your front door?
Comment by McGehee on 2/12 @ 9:20 pm #
Me: “What was your name again?”
Comment by JD on 2/12 @ 9:28 pm #
As for cornering you in bed when you’re falling asleep, in order to nail down your opinion on that eternally recurring domestic issue that she’s once again already made up her mind on–sorry, there’s no hope.
Is this like when they say “We need to talk”. It always seems like they have spent the last month studying the various ways the impending conversation could play out, and figuring out ways for all possible outcomes to lead back to the conclusion that she has already selected. Or, I could just be really lousy at talking.
Comment by JHoward on 2/12 @ 10:01 pm #
“And I haaate being such a naaag….”
Comment by jmflynny on 2/12 @ 10:14 pm #
S.I., Just hope to God she’s not watching Oprah while reading those rags.
Comment by Kevin on 2/13 @ 12:06 am #
You said shit! Don’t worry, I won’t tell.
Comment by Big Dan on 2/13 @ 6:05 am #
My least favorite moment: The day after Christmas, at a biiiiig sale, I was tasked with getting a new pair of jeans for myself. Simple, right? Find the big red SALE tag and get a pair, optionally that fits. So I find a pair. I am ready to stand in line to check out. However she thinks the line is too long, even though it’s moving visibly. She says, it doesn’t make sense to wait to buy the jeans. Plus, I didn’t get the super-DUPER sale jeans, these I could buy tomorrow by myself.
So I put them back and we walk out, past all the other people in line, and she is more loudly exclaiming how it DOESN’T MAKE SENSE to stand in line to buy my jeans. Now she asks me to AGREE that it doesn’t make sense.
One of the low points, for sure. And I am still new-jean-less.
Comment by Richard Aubrey on 2/13 @ 6:37 am #
Big Dan.
That was your quarterly macho check. You failed.
Comment by Big Dan on 2/13 @ 9:37 am #
#32
Yup.
Comment by McGehee on 2/13 @ 9:39 am #
I’ve found that falling back on my inborn “do nothing” strategy works wonders in a situation like that. I stay in line, do not answer her, and if she finally says a real reason why she doesn’t want to stand in line to buy my pants, I tell her to go ahead and I’ll meet her at [insert appropriate mutually convenient location here].
Comment by MarkD on 2/13 @ 10:49 am #
Sometimes, doing nothing is not an option. As in, “the caulk seems to be peeling away from the side of the tub.”
Translation: “Come look at it. Now.”
“What took you so long? Why do you always look upset when I talk to you?”
Thought: “Possibly it had something to do with me being IN the shower when you started this conversation, needing to dry off before I walk to the other bathroom, and it’s cold and I’m only wearing my underpants?”
Comment: “I’ll have to get some better caulk and fix it.”
“I wonder if water will get down there?”
Thought: “Water goes inside the tub. How will it get down there? You’re not a kid. Then, on the other hand, someone who can knock plaster off the walls with a vacuum cleaner could certainly manage to get water on the floor.”
Comment: “It’ll be OK.”
Comment by David on 2/13 @ 2:58 pm #
Beat me to it.
You want to keep a man?
Oral Sex.
Comment by Christopher Taylor on 2/13 @ 3:53 pm #
she looks up with a half-wondering, half-accusing expression and says, “Dear, why don’t you ever affirm my personhood?â€Â
That’s the kind of question that requires a shocking, offensive answer to force the person to stop and think about what they just asked.
Mark: that kind of game playing “I won’t come out and actually say what I want” crap is part of why I’m single. You want something done, or you have something to say, say it. Grow up.
Comment by Big Dan on 2/14 @ 9:23 am #
Thanks, David, but I’d like to see if my wife will do it first.
I mean, again.
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