October 16, 2007

Fifty-seventh in a series of real-time empirical observations

In the time it takes you to read this post, Matt Damon and George Clooney will have high-fived each other 3 times — one each for Ocean’s 11 and Ocean’s 13, and once for being, like, so totally smart that, were they to put their minds to it, they could easily solve the problems of world hunger and AIDS in a month, maybe two, tops.

— Which altruism will have to wait, of course. Because word is, Affleck has smuggled in a hundred or so Central American hookers, and he’s scored enough high grade coke, X, Coppola Cabernet, and little blue pump primers to keep the party going from Halloween through at least New Year’s Eve.

So world hunger and AIDS are just gonna have to wait, baby! — though, for what it’s worth, it’s the thought that count.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:50am

Comments (28)

  1. Collectively, they are all still douche nozzles.

    By the way, Syriana was such blatant propaganda that I barely made it through it, but the pay off is there. God bless Hellfire missles and the CIA.

  2. But they are so handsome.

  3. Clooney.


    Couldn’t carry Duke Wayne’s holster.

    Yes, Hollywood was Republican once upon a time.

  4. That sounds like a party that the ‘dillo would enjoy.

  5. They want to solve the hunger crisis by giving starving people AIDS? Good Lord, man – I mean, that’s TECHNICALLY a solution…

    Oh, wait. You wrote “hunger AND AIDS,” not “hunger WITH AIDS.” Nevermind.

  6. It’s like Damon and Clooney are makin’ movies that are supposed to make father’s daughters like them and feel good, but then they go out and pour 11 ounces of absinthe down some young girls throat and then take turns bangin’ her dog-fashioned. I mean what is that? She’s a daughter, right?

    ….are you gonna drink that?

  7. Nah, it’s all about Clooney, DiCaprio and Howard Dean.

  8. Question: Who had the better seat, Seth Gecko or Richard Gecko?


  9. Clooney.

    What can you say about a guy whose most memorable role was in The Perfect Storm?

  10. Rosemary’s baby.

  11. Fed-Ex Delivery Man: One Swedish-made little blue pump primer.

    Ben Affleck: (to Jennifer Garner) I didn’t order that!

    Fed-Ex Delivery Man: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made little blue pump primer signed by Ben Affleck.

    Ben Affleck: I’m telling ya baby, that’s not mine.

    Fed-Ex Delivery Man: One warranty card for Swedish-made little blue pump primer, filled out by Ben Affleck.

    Ben Affleck: I don’t even know what this is! This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby.

    Fed-Ex Delivery Man: One book, “Swedish-made little blue pump primers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby”, by Ben Affleck.

  12. At least they aren’t inordinately proud of Ocean’s 12.

    Small favors, man. Small favors.

  13. Wasn’t Affleck talking about running for Congress at one point? I sure do not like his politics, but at least he was giving consideration to running for office, rather than being like the rest of Hollywood. Clooney, not so much.

  14. Anyone note the latest bullshit streaming out of Chuck Adkin’s retarded piehole?


  15. No, homi, I haven’t. Still.

  16. “… it’s the thought that count.”

    You do realize, Jeff, that you just condensed the entire corpus of leftist thought for the last 40 years in on pithy little comment?

  17. “Anyone note the latest bullshit streaming out of Chuck Adkin’s retarded piehole?”

    Er, care to point out where the blogger is wrong?

    Any one, single point?

    Especially considering that Rhodes wasn’t mugged?

  18. “Er, care to point out where the blogger is wrong?”

    Not Bits. Adkins, who had a rotating banner (since removed… “just kidding” after all) showing a handgun on the right, pointed towards Ann Coulter with the word “Please?” in between the 2.

    You may remember Chuck from posts such as http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=9973 , http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=9965 and elsewhere.

  19. Rosemary’s baby.

    Nope — Nick’s.

  20. Chuckie Adkins is a bigger tool than that crazy psycho doll, Chuckie, of bad horror movie fame.

  21. Isn’t George the son of Rosemary Clooney?

    Coulda sworn.

  22. Isn’t George the son of Rosemary Clooney?

    Nope. George is Rosemary’s nephew. Miguel Ferrer is Rosemary’s baby.

  23. Why does the left take people like David Crosby, Ben Affleck and George Clooney seriosuly in regards to politics? Is it just as simple as they are the pretty people (well, except for that fat ass mustachioed backup singer Crosby) and the pretty people are always correct? I just don’t get it.

  24. You need to understand that Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd (unfortunately, my Senator) have made the “waitress sandwich” famous. How could any movie star resist the temptation to act like their heros? I mean, they’ve got the money and everything…

    Oops! Except for any understanding of what it really takes to be a human being…

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  26. Love your post!! Finally someone got it right!!! Would you mind if I put a blogroll link back to your post? :)

  27. lol I heard somewhere that Matt Damon was in big credit card debt.

  28. Wow! thank you! I always wanted to write in my website something like that. Can I take part of your story to my blog?