Category: Scenes from my drivewayJuly 4, 2008 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 64Deadbeat neighbor: “I know what festive bunting is…” Me: “Sure. If you say so.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Fourth of July stuff and all.” Me: “Yup.” Deadbeat neighbor: “I mean, it’s not like I’m an idiot, you know…*” Me: … October 8, 2007 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 63Deadbeat neighbor: “Is that an Indian? — over there, pouring that Bickels’ new patio?” Me: “Nope. Just a Mexican day laborer with a sunburn.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Are you sure? Because the feathers –” Me: “– Fine, … May 13, 2006 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 62Deadbeat neighbor: “So.†Me: “So.†Deadbeat neighbor: “Sorry to hear about your whole craziness thing.” Me: “Thanks.” Deadbeat neighbor: Me: Deadbeat neighbor: “So what’s it like, if you don’t mind my asking? Do you hear voices, or…” Me: “Honestly? It varies … November 13, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 61Deadbeat neighbor: “So. Broncos-Raiders today, eh?” Me: “Broncos-Raiders.” Deadbeat neighbor: “You ready?” Me: “Does the Pope wear a funny hat?” Deadbeat neighbor: Me: “Yes. He does.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Oh I dunno. I think his lid looks kinda fly.” November 5, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 60Deadbeat neighbor: “Nice out here, today. Not quite Indian summer, but close.” Me: ”Native-American summer, you mean. ‘Indian summer’ is culturally and racially offensive.” Deadbeat neighbor: “It is?” Me: “Yes. Unless you’re talking about a summer with like, one of … September 24, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 59Deadbeat neighbor: “So, you heard New Orleans flooded again, right?—second time in a month? That really sucks.”* Me: “I’d imagine so, yes.” Deadbeat neighbor: “No, I mean, that really sucks, trust me. Because once, at my old apartment? I … July 2, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 58Deadbeat neighbor: “So, I’m thinking about heading out to the Cherry Creek Arts Festival today.” Me: “CHICKEN ARTS SUPPORTER!” Deadbeat neighbor: “I beg your pardon –” Me: “– You heard me. YELLOW-BELLIED PHONY!” Deadbeat neighbor: “Yeah, I heard you. I’m just not sure I … June 18, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 57Deadbeat neighbor: “Is Thai food really spicy?” Me: “Depends. Can be. Why?” Deadbeat neighbor: “Because I’m thinking about trying Thai food for lunch, but I’m not sure my stomach can handle it. Went a little too hard on the tequila … May 29, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 56Deadbeat neighbor: “So. Happy Memorial Day weekend, buddy!” Me: “We’ve been over this, haven’t we? You don’t wish people a ‘happy’ Memorial Day. Memorial Day is day of reflection and remembrance.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Oh, right. Forgot.” Me: Deadbeat … May 22, 2005 Scenes from my driveway, continued x 56Deadbeat neighbor: “Is it true the Syrian army is fighting against us in Iraq?”* Me: “I dunno. Who cares?” Deadbeat neighbor: “Well, wouldn’t that mean Syria is, y’know, declaring war on us? That’s kind of a big deal, I … |
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