Category: Overheard in a Fallujah bunker

First militant: “Forgive me for bringing this up just now, Farhad, but I’m beginning to wonder if this fight is worth dying for.”*

Second militant: “– Blasphemy! We do the work of God, Javeed, and the work …

First militant: “Point of clarification, Tahir. What, precisely, is, an ‘arrowhead ripper’, anyway?”*

Second militant: “What does it matter, Brother? Just make sure your weapons are loaded, and that you are prepared to die for …

First militant: “Question:  If ‘we’ are all Hizbullah, then why are not all of us crouched down here in earthen bunkers drinking warm water and eating stale pita pieces beside buckets of our own waste, waiting for the …

First Hezbollah militant: “Bad news, brother.  The Zionist war machine is massed on the border and is threatening to invade on the ground.  It could happen at any moment now.”

Second Hezbollah militant: “Really?”

First Hezbollah militant: “I shit …

First Hezbollah militant: “Have you heard the latest buzz, brother?”*

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “Evidently, we great warriors of Allah may soon be met by the unified muscle of the world.”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah …

First Hezbollah militant: “You know something, brother?”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “I think the Zionist monkeys and pigs might be serious this time.”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “And while for obvious reasons I don’t know …

First Hezbollah militant: “Have you noticed, brother, how the Israeli fighter jets sound very much like wasps?”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: “Giant wasps.  With giant stingers.  And giant missiles.  With laser targeting.”

Second Hezbollah militant:

First Hezbollah militant: …

First militant:  “So…”

Second militant:  “So.”

First militant:

Second militant:

First militant: “…Do you think he’s at least, you know—enjoying his virgins?”

Second militant: “That depends, brother.  Do you suppose Allah will permit him to saw their filthy heads off with a hunting knife …

First militant: “I must say, Widaad, I do not find the sound of heavily-armed enemy weaponry buzzing over our heads very…pleasing to the senses.”*

Second militant: “Nor do I, Amal.  Nor do I.  But I will say this:  I …

First militant: “I confess to being quite dispirited this day, Fahad.  For if the grapevine is to be believed, Iraqi locals—our own Arab brethren (peace be upon them)—turned over brother Amir Khalaf Fanoos to the infidel …