Category Archives for My brief conversations with inanimate objects
my first brief conversation with Tanner’s ear infection
Tweetme: “Jesus, the kid just turned one. Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?” ear infection: “Actually, I’m made up of bacteria. I’m quite small, both individually and in the aggregate — certainly smaller than the boy who … Continue reading
my first brief conversation with Senator Bob Menendez’s old man dick
Tweetme: “So…”* Senator Menendez’s old man dick: “Yeah, whatever. Like you wouldn’t have done the same thing.” me: “Maybe. But dude, you seriously shortchanged them?” Senator Menendez’s old man dick: “I didn’t do any such thing. I’m just an old … Continue reading
Protected: my first brief conversation with the ghost of raped and murdered US ambassador to Libya, Christopher Stevens
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My second brief conversation with Barack Obama’s basketball
Tweetme: “You still mad at me?” Barack Obama’s basketball: “A little, yeah.” me: “Anything you want to clarify, walk back, that sort of thing? I’m nothing if not fair.” Barack Obama’s basketball: “Really, you’d let me do that?” me: “Absolutely. Go … Continue reading
My first brief conversation with Barack Obama’s basketball
Tweetme: “How do I put this so that it doesn’t come across as, you know – Barack Obama’s basketball: “– racist.” me: “Precisely. ‘Racist’ –” Barack Obama’s basketball: “I’m afraid you can’t.” me: “Say something that doesn’t come across as … Continue reading
my first brief conversation with a semi-upscale condom
Tweetme: “So. You’re quite in demand here lately. The subject of Congressional hearings. And yet you remain somehow elusive. Coy, even. Both difficult to ascertain and difficult to understand. You’re enigmatic, is what I’m saying, semi-upscale condom — the supposed … Continue reading
a post in which I ask our Constitution directly how it feels about the way the Democrats in general, and this Administration in particular, seem to treat it
Tweetme: “So. Maybe it’s not my place to say this, but –” The Constitution: “– Yeah, I know. That’s the last time I go for one of these fast-talking, Tweedy, metrosexual types. I mean, not even a phone call? Really…?”**
a post that explores what life would be like if oatmeal could speak, 19
Tweetoatmeal: “I mean, hell. Even I think Romney is an unprincipled milquetoast bore, and I’m freakin’ oatmeal, for Chrissakes.”
My twenty-fourth brief conversation with the ghost of John Merrick
TweetMe: “You know who I really dig? Like, lots? The Lord. The Lord, that’s who I dig.” Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Me: “He lifts me up. So I can climb higher than a mountain.” Me: “I shit thee … Continue reading
The Death of Literary Studies [Dan Collins]
TweetYesterday, Darleen wrote about the dust-up over graduate student putz Sean Parrish’s typically stupid assertions regarding what the academy is all about, and as others point out, if he’s right, then all literature departments ought to be made portions of … Continue reading
