Category Archives for My brief conversations with inanimate objects

May 28, 2013

my first brief conversation with Eric Holder’s soul

Tweetme:  “Wow. You are even blacker than I’d thought possible.”* Eric Holder’s soul:  “And you, sir, are a racist.” me:  “No, you misunderstand me. I meant ‘blacker’ in the sense that you as a soul are even more dark, rotten, … Continue reading

28. May 2013 by Jeff G.
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May 1, 2013

my first brief conversation with Tanner’s ear infection

Tweetme: “Jesus, the kid just turned one. Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?” ear infection: “Actually, I’m made up of bacteria. I’m quite small, both individually and in the aggregate — certainly smaller than the boy who … Continue reading

01. May 2013 by Jeff G.
80 comments | Trackback

November 1, 2012

my first brief conversation with Senator Bob Menendez’s old man dick

Tweetme: “So…”* Senator Menendez’s old man dick: “Yeah, whatever. Like you wouldn’t have done the same thing.” me: “Maybe. But dude, you seriously shortchanged them?” Senator Menendez’s old man dick: “I didn’t do any such thing. I’m just an old … Continue reading

01. November 2012 by Jeff G.
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October 3, 2012

Protected: my first brief conversation with the ghost of raped and murdered US ambassador to Libya, Christopher Stevens

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

03. October 2012 by Jeff G.
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September 1, 2012

My second brief conversation with Barack Obama’s basketball

Tweetme:  “You still mad at me?” Barack Obama’s basketball:  “A little, yeah.” me:  “Anything you want to clarify, walk back, that sort of thing?  I’m nothing if not fair.” Barack Obama’s basketball: “Really, you’d let me do that?” me:  “Absolutely. Go … Continue reading

01. September 2012 by Jeff G.
98 comments | Trackback

August 31, 2012

My first brief conversation with Barack Obama’s basketball

Tweetme:  “How do I put this so that it doesn’t come across as, you know – Barack Obama’s basketball:  “– racist.” me:  “Precisely.  ‘Racist’ –” Barack Obama’s basketball:  “I’m afraid you can’t.” me:  “Say something that doesn’t come across as … Continue reading

31. August 2012 by Jeff G.
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March 2, 2012

my first brief conversation with a semi-upscale condom

Tweetme: “So. You’re quite in demand here lately. The subject of Congressional hearings. And yet you remain somehow elusive. Coy, even. Both difficult to ascertain and difficult to understand. You’re enigmatic, is what I’m saying, semi-upscale condom — the supposed … Continue reading

02. March 2012 by Jeff G.
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February 27, 2012

a post in which I ask our Constitution directly how it feels about the way the Democrats in general, and this Administration in particular, seem to treat it

Tweetme: “So. Maybe it’s not my place to say this, but –” The Constitution: “– Yeah, I know. That’s the last time I go for one of these fast-talking, Tweedy, metrosexual types. I mean, not even a phone call? Really…?”**

27. February 2012 by Jeff G.
47 comments | Trackback

January 30, 2012

a post that explores what life would be like if oatmeal could speak, 19

Tweetoatmeal: “I mean, hell. Even I think Romney is an unprincipled milquetoast bore, and I’m freakin’ oatmeal, for Chrissakes.”

30. January 2012 by Jeff G.
40 comments | Trackback

August 30, 2010

My twenty-fourth brief conversation with the ghost of John Merrick

TweetMe: “You know who I really dig? Like, lots? The Lord. The Lord, that’s who I dig.” Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Me: “He lifts me up. So I can climb higher than a mountain.” Me: “I shit thee … Continue reading

30. August 2010 by Jeff G.
81 comments | Trackback

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